hello

nice day today it seems

i feel like i'm dressed particularly well

although this shirt makes me look a little fat i think

i still like it though, just makes me feel a little chubby

also it has a really wide v-neck so i get to really showcase my chest hair

please notice that there is no "ha ha ha" after that sentence

we got a big promo pack from NNA tapes yesterday and i gotta say

the quality of these tapes is IMPRESSIVE

i mean, i'm listening to my 6th of the batch so far

and even the 1 or 2 that weren't my favorite

still sounded solid

and a couple of these

have BLOWN my mind

hubble, for one

some dude from Zs

2 side long noodle sesh

guitar only

AWESOME

golden retriever as well

bass clarinet and analog synths

that sounds like a jokey bullshit-y combo but it's genuinely beautiful stuff

laurel halo is playing right now and i'm into it

hm what else

i think i need to go out more

especially when i'm dressed so nice

ha ha ha

i am SUPER gross today though, can't believe it's been so long since i showered

ahhhhhhhhhhh i'm trying to think of other stuff to say but i'm only thinking about things that i want

i don't want to complain about what i don't have because right now life is "better"

i'm trying to get all sinead o'connor on this shit right now

"i do not want what i haven't got"

or however that went

i do want a backrub though, i'll let myself say that

but beyond that

...

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

enough

seasons of the witch is a shitty movie

house of the devil is really good though

this has been the dave update

hi there

lot to do today

but i'm already in a good mood

isn't that good?

I THINK IT IS SO SHUT UP

anyways

i'm in a good mood because 1)

the "seven lies presents" tape is on our daily in-stock at work

yay

and 2)

we have a cat tree by our bathroom

(stick with me here)

and it's sort of a double decker

with 2 longer flat parts

when i got out of the bathroom this morning

lung was lying on the top one

ion was on the lower one

and oso was standing next to both of them

they were all looking at me

and it literally stopped me in my tracks

it was so cute

i mean if they were people it would have been scary

you come out of the bathroom with 3 people waiting for you you're about to get jumped

i think pretty much every time

even if you go to a restaurant with three friends

and you go to the bathroom before y'all leave

if they are waiting outside of the bathroom for you

they will jump you

my mom taught me this

she learned this one the hard way

but she's tough, she fucked those 3 ladies UP

ha ha ha ha

i leave you today with the image of my mom the retired 2nd grade teacher beating the shit out of her 3 bridge buddies

this has been the dave update

hi there

last night i practiced for the first time in awhile

it went pretty well considering

i'm playing a show sunday

at kimo's, ew

but it should still be fun

i also watched this horrible movie

called "i hope they serve beer in hell"

it was so dumb

like

i don't even want to talk about it

well

i do a little

the story behind it is that it was originally a book

that generated enough controversy to apparently warrant a movie

it's about the exploits of this bro-dawg

who is ANOTHER one of those "proud to be an asshole" types

just looking to party and get laid

(i put another in all caps there)

(because i went to ARIZONA STATE)

(and those fuckers are EVERYWHERE)

(EVERYWHERE)

and honestly, i don't care what you do with your life

i'm speaking to everyone here

i really don't care, whatever makes you happy i would encourage you to do it

honestly, even if that means you have to be a shitty person

all i would say is maybe double check and see that "being a shitty person" is the only thing that will make you happy

and if it is then have at it shithead, paint the town red

but with everybody in the world doing their "own thing"

i don't have time to care about or involve myself in stuff that just doesn't interest me

and the whole time i was watching this movie attempt to make an anti-hero out of this run-of-the-mill jackass

all i could think is "i don't care"

i mean i know it sounds stupid to be writing this, because if i didn't care

WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT IT DUDE

but there actually is sort of a happy ending to this

because while i was watching this movie and creating a list of reasons in my head

for why i don't give a shit about this movie

i realized that even making this list is silly

and then i went and cleaned the kitchen

and played some guitar

came up with the start of a new song, sounds cool so far

i got a beer and then thought about ice cream but decided against it

too many sweets for me lately, too much

i meant to take a shower but after i watched the daily show

i was tired enough to convince myself that i'd shower in the morning

i have lived over 29 years

and i have showered in the morning maybe 10 times in those 29 years

i don't know why i keep falling for that trick ha ha ha

been watching "what's up tiger lily" in bed lately

it's pretty funny

oh!

i got a new tv

free on craigslist

it's massive, i feel so opulent

even though it was free and probably really not that nice

is opulent even the right word there?

syntax might be awkward

syntax?

who is typing this?

i don't know what any of these words mean

anyways

it felt good to do good things rather than give a fuck about something stupid

i think more people need to do that

i mean, if your neighbor is killing children i feel like you should probably intervene

but if your neighbor is just kind of an asshole then maybe you should make a casserole

and then eat it

with people you actually like

here's a story

one time i was at my friend's apartment

which was close to ARIZONA STATE

and since it was close to ARIZONA STATE

if you were ever having people over at your place

people would come by and crash your party

which honestly was sometimes cool, sometimes you'd meet some cool new people

but it was usually annoying

it was usually just bro-dawgs trying to get fucked up and laid

but this one lone drunk dude came by one night

and WOULDN'T leave us alone

we were out on the porch/patio

sort of an enclosed porch

and he was on the other side of the wall

and kept asking to come in but he was WASTED

so he'd make fun of us for not knowing how to party

and then say "hey, can i come in, i can help y'all party"

i thought he was hilarious at first actually

because i was just laughing at him

because it was hilarious!

he was so drunk and so stupid, everything he said was the stupid possible thing to say

he was like don rickles, if all don rickles did was get drunk and say stupid things

i guess don rickles isn't really relevant to that last simile

ok

he was like condelezza rice, if all condelezza rice did was get drunk and say stupid things

and if she was a chubby white dude

i am getting NOWHERE with this simile ha ha ha

anyways

i thought he was funny to laugh at

but he was definitely getting on some nerves

so we all started asking him to leave

but he wouldn't, he kept on talking about his friends and how they like to party

which again

if someone is asking you to leave their house

pretty much the dumbest response possible is

"i have a bunch of friends and they like to party"

hahahahahahahahahahaha

i almost laughed out loud remembering him saying that

finally, like watching people try and open a pickle jar

i decided it was time for me to give it a try

and i went up to him and said "hey man, maybe you should go party with your friends"

"we're not really looking to party tonight"

and he was like "i DO have friends but i wanna party here"

and i told him "i don't know you but no one seems to want you here so i think you should go find your friends and have fun with them instead of bothering us"

and he said "NO. i don't want it that way, that's not the way it's gonna be because i don't want it that way"

SOOOOOOOO DRUNK while he said this by the way

listening to him fumbling through those words was like watching a baby try and untie a knot

so i said "listen man, i don't like the sun coming up every morning, but it happens"

"so i deal with it"

"and it's time for you to deal with the fact that we don't want you here"

"so go find your friends. i'm not asking, i'm telling"

it doesn't sound like much here but i got a lot of compliments on that sun line after the fact

he left after that

which made me feel like the dude who finally got the lid off the pickle jar

i like that memory

because in all of my manic mood swings

i feel like that was a moment where i was looking at the world

and i understood what to do

i love when you feel really knowledgeable about what is happening and what to do

and when the world and its difficulties are really nothing to stress over

and you can laugh at what you like and just dismiss what you don't

that's a mood i wish i was in more

but i feel myself getting back there now and again

and it makes me happy

and sometimes it makes me want to clean my kitchen

i just wish it made me want to take a shower

cuz damn i stink today

ok

this has been the dave update

hi there

i was going to go to the beach this weekend

but i had a lot to do at home

so i did that

also i tried to listen to the velvet underground

but i got like under a minute into a slow piano version of "waiting for the man"

and just started laughing at it

it's amazing how serious the velvet underground is

i mean i like them, don't get me wrong

i just never realized how dry it is

maybe it was just this record

haven't heard it in forever

it's that la batalacan or whatever

not even really VU

lou reed/john cale/nico

whatever

tired

gonna smoke

i PROMISE that dave updates will improve

life has just been busy lately

which is good but not great for the dave update

at least this one's not whiny

this has been a not whiny dave update

hi there

dave update time

um

there's a lot i could talk about but i'm not going to

oh!

i want to go to the beach this weekend again

if you want to come

510 575 HISS

saturday? sunday?

whatever works

i want to sort of get an "early" start though

like before noon

pretty early for a weekend, i know

last night ion slept in my bed

and then at like 4 in the morning

decided she was over sleeping in my bed

and very rudely asked to be let out

disappointing ion!

just kidding, you were very polite

for a cat

also megan and i worked on a comic that we're doing together

it's called bus stop dave

it's about my adventures on craigslist

i'm a little worried though

because lately my adventures on craigslist are limited to having trouble finding a free tv

also a free dvd player

please get in touch if you are getting rid of a tv or dvd player

or hangers, still need more hangers

also money

give me money

anyways we got like the first 4 story-boarded which was rad

last night was a very good night

although i flaked on see rxccxxns, sorry guys

was about to leave the house to hang

(since i'd probably already missed their set)

but ion was hanging out in my room and looking too cute to leave

so i just took a bunch of pictures of ion hanging out

and then ion woody and i watched the daily show

uhhhhhh

i'm happier lately which is good

also i think i decided i'm gonna put out another hiss & hum tape

because i don't know how to get a label to put out a cassette

so fuck it, DIY

hey!

i have copies of the hiss&hum/SCOAM split and i love it

so will you

GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK

wait

i don't guarantee that you'll LOVE IT

but if you dislike it i'll give you your money back

i mean, i'll give you a free copy for fuck's sake

if you ask nice

so yeah, if i give you a free copy and you don't like it

i'll give you your money back

i feel like hiss & hum doesn't really have a solid business model

ha ha ha

ok

i guess this is enough

this has been the dave update

hi there

we're listening to the clean in the office

or were at least

but now no one is flipping the record

"billy two" is my favorite song by the clean

it's also usually the first song i play every time i dj

i used to always throw on the buzzcocks "singles gone steady"

and let that play for awhile so i could get all set up

but now i just play the clean

this is a pretty dull update so far

i'm pretty tired

actually really tired

andy mouthed something to me just now but i'm honestly tired enough that my eyes were like, too blurry to see

so i just mouthed "apples and oranges" back at her

and then we had a pretend conversation

i think

you know i may have just missed out on a very important moment of my life

but i'm too tired to tell

andy may have been trying to tell me to watch out for a falling piano

or to get screened for prostate cancer

and here i am like an idiot

"apples and oranges and watermelon and banana"

today should be fun but before anything else i'm getting coffee

sorry, i'm in an update rut

i'll get out soon

this has been the dave update

hey there

a lot to do again today, sorry

but i do have something to share

as loyal readers know

i post my phone number

(510 575 HISS)

on the internet

A LOT

pretty much any time i'm on the internet

THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY TRUE

i don't know why i typed that line

i went back and deleted it but then i un-did the deletion

because i thought it would be funnier to make fun of myself

for typing an obvious falsehood

falsehood?

hm looks weird in that sentence but i think it's actually correct

"an untrue statement"

for some reason it had a bit more of an adjective feel in that sentence

looked wrong but i guess we're good to continue

thanks for your patience there

BACK ON TRACK

anyways

last night i got a text that just said "Hey"

from a number i didn't recognize

i think it was in indiana?

so i wrote back automatically with "Hey who is this?"

but then i realized it might be someone who found my number on the internet

or maybe in the teen action comp zine

it's in there too

so i got kinda excited for a response

but none came

so i wrote back "sorry, new phone" cuz i thought if i wrote that they'd be more likely to respond?

can't say that i follow my own logic there

finally i went off the deep end

i wrote

"You can talk to me. Even if you don't know me. I am here for you"

AND they wrote back!

"Myfault wrong #"

sigh

anyways

if three of you lovely readers buy this today i get mine free:

http://livingsocial.com/deals/48045?ref=email-jp&rpi=16728599

this has been the dave update

hi again

bonus dave update

i just found this

this is how i used to write when i was upset

sometimes still do

just found it in stuff while cleaning off my computer

NERDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

shut up

ok

*****

It's 5:20 in Oakland, at home, but here I'm cold and hot at once, and feeling much more exhausted than when I left. It's late, and dark. Walk along the waves with me, watch the water glow and gleam, we'll rub sand in each other's eyes accidentally and wind up with unexplainable bruises. I'll be your advocate and your alibi and we'll waste the world together like selfish, dumb, awkward Americans. I'll bite everything before the commercial break. Make your frustration into a physical activity, knit, garden, do laundry. Make your accomplished self-satisfaction into a vice, overindulge, scream and screech it from crystal chandeliers while you spit expensive champagne and fuck stuffed endangered species.

Our sleep will be silent and still. Hold me from behind, roll those fingers through the butter and lint of my skin. Our children will have acne, our daughters will be loose. We grin as I roll a condom on, and exhale in notes, become skyscrapers, et cetera, et cetera. Your beauty is a sunset, a glowing wave, a flower, in bloom, a pillow, a sheet, a lying dog, let it be. I'll never be the officer reporting something pure.

If you think it's cryptic than read every fourth word.
It'll come out at the end just as absurd.

ha ha ha

a little insight into dave

frankly i like it more when i write like that

as opposed to typing up a whiny dave update

btw the line breaks should be way different but DIY BITCHES

sorry

didn't mean to use the b-word

my bad

this has been a b-onus dave update

hey there

wow

this is the longest i've gone without a dave update

i mean, not counting the time before i wrote dave updates

i hate to admit it but this one is gonna be brief too

yesterday i took the day off and went to the beach

i didn't know it was a "clothing-optional" beach

but that made it a lot more entertaining actually

plus it's hard to be self-conscious when there's a big ol fat naked dude on the beach

before we left i ran into the ocean naked, just to try it

it was great

dear readers

i recommend swimming in the ocean naked

i honestly didn't think it would be that cool but it felt great

i mean i don't know how to explain it without sounding like, mystical or whatever

but it just felt unreal

i don't know

i love the ocean

i'll talk more someday soon

this has been the dave update

hello

yesterday was rough

but there were some good things too

for one ion and i cuddled like nobody's business

saw a couple good but weird movies

did not lose a limb

things could be worse

i know this guy who is so strange looking to me but the ladies love him

i ran into him last night and he was with another different super cute girl

he's a nice guy though, a little squirrel-y but nice

i like him fine ha ha

i didn't do the dave update reading today

i thought for one the movie i went to was supposed to be earlier

so the timing didn't really work

but i felt so horrible yesterday that i think it would have been bad for me

whoa

just spaced out a little bit there

eep

anyways

um

i am excited for the end of today

because work has been so shitty lately

i want to have a good weekend

if i don't meet someone cool this weekend i'm gonna cut off a toe

i don't want to do this right now

if i could be doing anything right now

i would be at the beach

it would be warmer than it is right now

and i would be in the water

eating pineapple and washing my fingers off in the ocean

oh we still have fruit from yesterday i think!

gotta go

this has been the dave update

hi there

i had practice last night

it was fine

i don't want to rant today about stupid shit

i feel awful, big surprise

i'm trying to think of a joke to tell or something

the only one i can think of is the knock knock joke about 9-11

but i'm sure you've all probably heard it

if you haven't you know my number by now

i'm going to delete my okcupid account right now

that's a good thing to do

done

that felt good

what do masturbation and procrastination have in common?

they're both fun until you realize you're just fucking yourself

i went to my psychiatrist the other day

he's got me on a new anti-depressant

he was checking in with me, making sure it was going ok

he asked "any thing unusual?"

and i said "no, everything seems fine"

and then he asked "any sexual side effects?"

and i thought about it for awhile

and then responded "you know"

"it hasn't come up"

i made that joke up by the way

ok

i'm gonna go to the bathroom and sit on the floor for awhile

this has been the dave update

hi there

if yesterday was #99

then today is the 100th dave update

and i'm gonna say this right fucking now

if someone doesn't say "congrats" or "good job" to me

i'm going to go on a brutal killing spree

I FUCKING DARE YOU TO TEST ME ON THIS

510 575 HISS

i'm not really gonna kill anyone

but you would make my day better if you took

A SINGLE MOMENT FROM YOUR PRECIOUS FUCKING LIFE

to say "hey dave 100 huh? how bout that"

sorry, i'm laughing about this but reading it now it looks kind of serious

whatever

today has bad written all over it

for one i have something of a hangover

which is pretty unusual these days

i had like 3 beers last night too

i don't think i want to drink any more

i quit for like a month and a half or so

and last night i didn't really get drunk or anything

i just stayed up late

plus it was hot

so now i have a headache

i had vivid dreams last night but they were horrible

i mean things like digging my nails into my arm to tear out another place where this staph infection popped up

i feel bad right now

i am tired of feeling lonely

i don't want to talk about this on the 100th dave update

i do one of these a day

usually

sometimes two

sometimes i skip a day

that means i've been doing this for over 3 months

and there have been no

"oh wow the best thing happened last night"

dave updates

and i started doing this because i was bored and alone for AWHILE

so do the math

apparently "son of my father" isn't actually a chicory tip song?

i was at a bar last night and someone played it

i got all excited, like, who the fuck is playing this song?

and i went up to the dj and was like, hey, chicory tip? COOL

and he gave me a look

and was like NO DUDE

then i just started crying

and i wet my pants but i don't think it was related to that

sometimes it happens

ha ha

parts of that story might not be true

i ran into a friend on the way home last night

who said that apparently the stars are aligned in a weird way right now

maybe not a weird way, maybe it's normal

but weird things are supposed to happen?

i hope so

i've had enough dull to last 3 quilts

i wish i was asleep

and i wish i had something better to talk to you about

i don't think things are ever going to get better

because i don't know what i want i just know that i'm unhappy

i saw michael yonkers last night

and he played a really intense hateful set

he kept on eyeing the crowd and he looked nervous but he also looked pissed

like "fuck you fucking people"

he played a song that was all about how he used to care but nothing matters now

i was on board young readers

i was on board

this has been the 100th dave update

hello

this is apparently dave update #99

wowza

that is a lot

um

i may be doing readings from the dave update this week

thursday to be exact

thursday?

i think

i have to double check

i should probably do that sooner than later

anyways

i'll post details

it's gonna be weird

i think a lot of the dave update is based in the fact that no one's really listening per say

so it'll be weird to do it for people

but i'll just get stoned ha ha ha ha ha ha

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i hope i get uncontrollable giggles when i'm reading them

ok

below there will be a list

eventually

i've been talking with a dear friend

(who was upset because she wasn't getting mentioned in the dave updates)

about a variety of things

but one of those things was about sex and sex-ish activities

and how god damn long it's been since i've had any of it

so here is a list of some that we came up with and some i'm remembering right now

last kiss was recent

thanks!

last make-out session was in december

at hell-arity, one of the east bay's grosser punk houses

actually it's not as gross any more

last time having sex was over a year ago i think

yup

last time giving oral sex was maybe a year and 3 months ago?

i'm not great with time so these might be off

in fact this isn't as much fun to write about as i was expecting

it sounds like whining and despite what you may read in prior updates

i really don't like to whine

i just slip into it at times

...

yeah i don't like this list

sorry readers

i got the feeling that that was going to be a good idea but i think now that it's not

oh well

they can't all be hits

i think that i will NOT read this dave update this week

this has been a poorly conceived dave update

hi there

i decided since i didn't do a dave update over the weekend

that maybe it's ok for me to do two in one day

plus i didn't talk much today

at stupid jittery work

so i have more words in me

i wanted to think of a cancer/blogging metaphor there

but it sounded too dramatic

hello

sorry

got distracted

anyways i wrote a haiku also

"gum sponsoring winks?
okcupid weirds me out
but now and again...?"

i hope the ellipsis doesn't add an extra syllable

i thought that the haiku might be funny enough to warrant an update

i hope you agree?

this has been a bonus dave update

hi there

sorry, no dave update again this weekend

i've been too busy these past couple weekends

i just moved and there's just a bunch of stuff that goes along with that

plus i don't owe you shit

ha ha

my friend wants to have business cards made that say his name

and then below it

"i don't owe you shit"

i had this dreadful feeling just a few minutes ago

not dreadful like

"oh this chicken cordon bleu is just DREADFUL"

but like full of dread

i don't know what spurred it or where it came from

but suddenly my muscles kind of collapsed and my eyes started to tear

i've been having that "something's got to give" feeling a lot lately

but i'm not sure if i can pull it towards something good

hm

there are two parts of my life that are just spinning

i don't know why i used the word parts there

i guess i meant

"there are two things that are on my mind and i don't know how to deal with them"

i'm not going to tell you about them

because, as previously discussed

i don't owe you shit

lately i've been thinking a lot about something i call "the invisible audience"

and how the internet only exacerbates this problem

well

it's not a problem per say

i mean in many ways the invisible audience is probably a good thing

i mean a lot of people take better care of themselves because of it

do you guys know what i mean by the invisible audience?

the concept that people are paying attention to how you live your life?

i think it's a fallacy, i don't think it's as large or as caring an audience as our minds let us think

(or maybe just my mind)

(i had to look up fallacy to make sure that it was the right word)

(it is)

(although apparently fallacy also means obsolete)

part of the reason i started doing the dave update was to attempt to subvert the invisible audience

instead of better buffering my "public image"

(ha ha)

(i can't use that phrase with a straight face)

(let's try that again)

instead of making the physical person you see and interact with better

to please the invisible audience

i thought the dave update would be a funny way to take the dull and private

and broadcast it to an actual audience

(which hardly exists)

i mean that's not really the full impetus of the dave update

mostly it's that i'm bored and lonely and talking to no one is better than not talking

but i do like that concept though, taking the private and broadcasting it

if only to sully the quote-unquote airwaves

i had this idea for a protest in favor of gay marriage

the common argument against gay marriage is that it will de-sanctify the practice

if gays can get married then marriage isn't as holy?

and the defense against that is that all types of love are holy, blah blah blah

but i say we just take the opposite route

instead of saying gay marriage is holy too

let's just prove that there's nothing holy about straight marriages either

and have mass weddings and divorces

this will also flood the government with paperwork to deal with all these marriages/divorces

which is something that would be much harder to ignore than picket signs

i think it would be easy, all it would really take was a uniform pre-nup

to make sure no one got screwed financially in all this marriage/divorce mess

and then you and all your friends could get married and divorced to each other

like, once every couple weeks

is it disappointing that this honestly is like THE BEST IDEA i've ever had?

i think it would be much more effective

i mean fuck marriage either way

actually no

i've been married and it was fun

2 months

it's fun to be married, i get why gay people want it so much

ok

you can't force yourself in people's lives

i wish i could honestly

i have a song in my head

that is essentially finished

but i don't know how to play it at all

but i know every note

i mean i've written it

sort of

the "hook" is "i've been throwing my love down a hole"

that's what happens when you try and force yourself in someone's life

you throw your love down a hole

and when that hole closes and you're left alone and loveless

everyone looks at you like "what the fuck did you expect?"

"you've been throwing it all away"

here comes that "something's got to give" feeling again

this has been the dave update

hello there

so

i feel weird right now

conflicted maybe

yesterday was ok

andy and i were almost extras in a movie with rob lowe

but we were, no kidding:

"not black enough"

it was really funny, we met with some assistant to the assistant director or something

and he was telling us

(well, actually not us, he didn't talk to us directly)

(the assistant to the assistant to the assistant director)

but he kept tiptoeing around using the word black

he was like

"we're looking for some people who are more ethnic, more gritty, more urban"

and HIS assistant (god there are a lot of assistants on movie sets)

anyways

HIS assistant was black

and after listening to his boss or whatever twist in the wind

he finally said

"it's cool dude, you can say black"

that cracked me up

i told them i wouldn't mind doing blackface

but i don't think anyone but me thought that was funny

anyways, that was fun yesterday

i also had double practice yesterday

which was fun

i still felt off all day yesterday though

i hate that i'm still stuck thinking about an old friendship that's soured

maybe i should talk about it on here but i'm probably not going to

i'll summarize i guess

summarize?

that really doesn't look right

summarize summarize

i can't think of any other way to spell it?

god damn it

i gotta look this up

summarize is apparently right

anyways

...

i don't think i want to get into this

long story short i thought someone cared for me

and it turns out they didn't

and the way it was brought to light was very painful

for a variety of reasons

now i'm trying to move on from it

but it honestly doesn't seem possible

because i just don't have enough "new" in my life

anyways

i'm trying not to focus on it

and i'm trying not to care really

things only hurt if you let them

and i'm trying not to let being alone bother me

it still does but i'm getting better at it

ok

this is getting to be a really annoying dave update

sorry

i hate when i go on pathetic rants like this

yesterday was a strange and not great day

but i was also almost in a movie

oh and one of my favorite things to do is tell really dumb topical jokes

and while we were waiting to get a "callback" about being extras

i told andy a lot of jokes

i thought they were hilarious

andy probably was less enthused

but either way i was really enjoying it

i want to live in green water

this has been an awfully rocky dave update

hi there

i rearranged my room a little bit

then i got really really stoned

and i think i want to put a wall in my room

like, a half wall

waist high

with a tile counter-top

i had this idea which i thought was funny

because i was STONED

stoned to the bone, for real

holy stoned

but i was thinking about my new place

and for some reason i was thinking about it like....

our house....

was its own city

and in this metaphor

all of us kind of live in the suburbs

but maybe they're like, rival suburbs?

not that there's any sort of rivalry between any of us

but it's just a funny idea i was having

i started thinking of my room and mikey's room

as neighboring houses

and kim and jacy live in the other suburb

kim is the queen of the other suburb by the way

because her room is bigger and there's a throne for oso in it

and if you think that sounds ridiculous

you clearly have not met oso

there is no dog better deserving of a throne than oso

i love that dog

anyways

so i was really into this theme of our house being a city

the living room is i guess downtown

the bathrooms are....

ok i haven't completely thought this metaphor through yet

but the point is

i want to kind of make a suburban theme to my room

but not in a bad way

i mean

i guess i really just want to put that tile countertop in

anyways

i got really deeeeeep in that metaphor last night

and i listened to records on my new turntable

I HAVE A NEW TURNTABLE AND IT'S RAD

i've never seen one with the arm actually in the dust cover

i've needed a new one for awhile, the left channel was shot on my old one

i'm not going to talk about my new turntable

even though i am really excited about it

i'm going to talk about my room more

in the bedroom half of my room

THAT'S RIGHT

there's a bedroom HALF

there's kind of a gap in the ceiling

not like a hole that shouldn't be there

but like a vertical nook

i had a good idea for that

my room doesn't get any sunlight

so i'm going to put a light in the nook

on a timer

and put some sheets over it

so it'll be like a skylight

and i'll have my own sun

MY OWN FUCKING SUN

MY OWN FUCKING SUN

MY OWN FUCKING SUN!!!!!

i'm sorry to brag but that rules

i'm really never going to leave my room though

i'm just going to start writing really really really really long dave updates

that i'll get paid for by um, someone

and then i'll only leave my room when i want to go "downtown"

or to the kitchen

which i also don't really have a place for in this metaphor

but either way

life will be good for me in this new city

please do come and visit

book a trip at 510 575 HISS

wish we were there!

this has been the dave update

helloooooo

it's dave

last night was fun

i went home and watched some episodes of "bored to death"

that show's not bad

i am very much not a jason schwartzman fan

but the show is good despite him!

how about that!

afterwards kevin brown & co came over

and we went next door for OMAR SOULEYMAN

which was RAD

really really fun

it was good to dance

i don't dance often

my mom says i'm a good dancer

i've got "rhythm" according to her

i think that's probably proof that i'm not a good dancer

i don't care though, dancing is fun

anyways

i danced through the show

got super sweaty

and then went back home and took a shower

something about that shower was really great

it just felt good to go out and then have some really peaceful moments at home

i listened to Gas in the shower

and then i went upstairs to my room

which now has a rug in it

the room is almost done

it feels so cozy already, i love it

i actually took pictures of myself in it because i was feeling so good

i had on pajama-ish pants and a t-shirt and a towel around my head

and was smoking a cigarette

and took a few pictures of myself because i just felt good

it was nice to come home alone and be happy and to continue to be happy

blah blah blah

anyways it was a good night

the day was less good

i've just been thinking too much about stuff i shouldn't focus on

i had a talk with charles from blue sabbath black fiji yesterday

that was fairly surreal

we are still supposed to put out a split with them

which may or may not happen

but we were just chatting and then he asked:

"how long ago did you start regaining consciousness at the speed of light?"

i told him i didn't think i was at the speed of light yet

but probably about a week ago?

and then we started getting deeeeeeeeeep

he sent me a book by dr robert monroe about out-of-body experiences

i'm excited to read it

i think i have had a mild out-of-body experience

i was playing drums

and i felt something rise out of me

it felt like a parachute kind of

i mean there wasn't a catch-n-pull effect

but it felt like something was carrying me by my armpits/shoulders

it was really great, i was kind of high off of it for like a month or so

and then i started thinking of things i shouldn't focus on

i will try and avoid that in the future

ok

i have other stuff to talk about probably but i have to work now

this has been the dave update

hi there

my head hurts

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY does my head hurt

i bet it's a caffenine thing

caffenine is a hard word to spell, jeez

still looks wrong

anyways

waking up is fucking hard lately

going to bed too but that's not as bad

i like the idea of not wanting to go to bed

certain childhood things i just can't get over

like, going to bed is always lame

GOD why can't i just stay up late JEEZ

what else

i don't know

i don't even know if that first one is true

i just got excited because i might have something to write about

ugh work is such a mess lately

my in-box is depressing DAMN

so much shit

anyways

god that can't be how you spell caffenine

cafenine

no, obviously not

oh wait

i think it's like

caffeneine or something

i mean that sure doesn't look right

caffeine

ah!

that looks right-ish?

shit

i gotta look this up

yeah

caffeine

glad that got figured out

dear world

caffeine has only 8 letters

that might help you spell it

maybe i should just start tattooing commonly misspelled words on my hands

like tongue

i always mix up tongue

that may be wrong actually

no wait that's right

i sometimes spell it tounge

like lounge but with a t

i wish my tongue was more like a lounge to be honest

with low lighting and flapper girls hanging out

hm

i felt like there was a joke there but i may not be awake enough for this today

we're talking about the iCloud at work right now but i'm not entirely confident i know what that is

what is an iCloud?

i don't think i care

i don't use the computer much lately

since i moved

i'm glad, fuck computers

i prefer my porn on VHS thank you

nyuk nyuk nyuk

ok this has gone on long enough

this has been the dave update

hey there

busy weekend

sort of

saturday i slept until 1:30

so i mean

if you call THAT busy

feel super tired today too

i wonder if it's just because my room gets no sun whatsoever

but i doubt it because i mean i'm always tired

so maybe i'm just a tired person

someone i was close with once told me they couldn't ever be with me

because i wasn't a person who started the day as though i was excited about it

i was offended by that but it is sort of true

not always but often

i just have a lot of trouble waking up

i have a lot of trouble going to sleep

and i have a lot of trouble waking up

the end

last night when i was going to bed i was trying to think myself into having dreams

as i started to go to bed i started thinking about how much i wanted a good dream

not like, an eating ice cream with naked ladies dream

or like a endless rollercoaster dream or something

but like an interesting dream

one that i could think about afterwards for awhile

i had one recently that was kind of like that

i wonder how much i remember now

i remember it was on a school campus

that was really pretty, with big hills of grass

not too different from dolores park i'm thinking now

for some reason there was a huge line of cars to get in

and i snuck into this SUV being driven by a kinda jock-y dude

and he cut the line

(somehow)

and when we got out we both got excited

because we were carrying obscure new wave records

i remember i went to the bathroom in there but it was really gross

i just peed on the floor where there was already a pool of urine

and in the dream i thought to myself "urine pool is a good band name"

then i think i was supposed to go to class but i just stayed outside

i remember eating weird snacks but i didn't get high from them

i don't think

anyways

last night i was trying to tell myself that i'd have a cool dream like that

i just needed to BELIEVE

i don't think it happened though, or at least i don't remember it

after djing yesterday i went to sparky's diner

and i'm pretty sure i was getting "checked out" by the hostess!

i put an exclaimation point there because that NEVER HAPPENS

i walked in and she was talking to someone else at the bar very dryly

but she started talking to me really kindly

and she smiled at me very sweetly as well

and i don't know how into her i would have been

because she was talking about how she was publishing poetry books

and let's face it poetry is a kind of scary word

it could mean totally rad and weird writing

(like for instance THE DAVE UPDATE)

(right? right?)

or it could mean

"my vagina is loose today, like
the skin hanging from a tired war
horse's neck, who gazes broadly
over a battlefield and wearily
rides rides rides into another day"

I JUST CAME UP WITH THAT

i don't think i need to explain poetry's cringe-potential to any of you

i wonder if the word vagina will bump up my blog hits

though i imagine google probably has it's hands full of vagina

VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA

hope that helps

anyways

she was cute too

and it pretty much made my night

although nothing obviously happened from it

and it was probably all in my head

i've been noticing lately that my head really does dictate a lot of how people respond to things

like when i was djing i started toying with it

i would think to myself

"everyone hates what you're playing"

and sure enough everyone was talking about how much they hated what i was playing

and then i would think

"ooh people love this song"

and heads would start to nod

i'm not saying i'm an x-men PER SAY

i'm just pointing out the obvious i guess

what you think becomes partially true

not like science true but in part true

i should work

116 beirut 7"s

gotta sell those bitches

one other thing i thought before i went to sleep

"oh shit i haven't done a dave update in awhile"

that's why today's is so long

YOU'RE WELCOME

this has been the dave update

hello

yawn

yeah

hm

ok

this has been the dave update

hiiiiiiiiii

i am so tired

like

tired enough to not be seeing entirely straight

i hate waking up

i like my new place a lot but that room is DARK

which definitely doesn't help with the whole waking up thing

oh man

i just stared into space for awhile

for the length of a go sailor song

this is going to be a long day

i'm supposed to have practice tonight

i had practice last night but it was weird

for some reason i just felt kind of detached from it

i think i'm still so excited about the new place that it's a little distracting

like, i can't really focus on something because i know my room is really close by

and there's a COUCH in there

and i could just be sitting down

last night after the day went by i listened to brainbombs really loud in my room

it was cool

mikey came in and sewed patches on his jacket

then showed me some weird robot war video game that he's into

gotta admit it was fun

um

there's other things i could probably talk about but maybe i don't want to get into them right now

the weekend is coming up

i'd like to get hangers

finish unpacking

record

eat a whole cheesecake

learn to fly

not like, fly a plane

learn how to fly

i used to have these dreams where i could fly if i just focused on it just right

i had to get a little "zen" about it

"zen"

but if i focused just right

(and usually i'd have to start in the fetal position)

i would just start to levitate

and then i could slowly start to fly

then i would just fly around the campus of the middle school i went to

i remember the air was cold and it was always early in the morning

the campus looked very blue in the early mornings

usually more so in winter

you'd see it in the ground even

oh!

the ground was fun

it was just dirt

but it would sometimes dry up in these clumps

is clumps a word?

doesn't come up in spell check so i guess so

either a word or an ex-president

the honorable thomas j clumps now presides

but you could pluck these thomas j clumps from the ground

maybe a bit like peeling skin from an orange?

except i can peel an orange in ONE PEEL

YES I AM BRAGGING

SUCKA

we would have wars with the dirt clumps

even if you found a really big one it didn't really hurt when it hit you

it would just explode and get you really dirty

man dirt wars were totally fun

usually though every war ended with someone either throwing a rock

or throwing a dirt clump with a rock in it

which again didn't really hurt so much

but was definitely "an act of aggression"

and a sure way to start a fist fight

i used to fight SO MUCH when i was a kid

it's funny now because i'm fairly docile at this stage in my life

but i was a mean mutha back then

oh the salad days

good things people good things

let's make good things happen please

too tired to do this right now

gonna get a bagel

entertain yourselves

this has been the dave update

hey there

i kind of don't have time for a dave update today

but i wanted to share something

last night i got the rest of my crap from the east bay

and moved it into my new room

i still have a bunch of work to do as far as unpacking

blah blah blah

anyways

after i did some unpacking last night kim and mikey helped me *ahem*

christen the room

which sounds like maybe we all took a dump in it

(we didn't)

i don't think

anyways by christen i mean we just got stoned and listened to records

and oso came in later and sat on the couch with me

and i just felt so good, it made me realize just how much berkeley was bringing me down

i mean i liked it over there sort of but i was bummed the whole time

i don't know if here will end up better but it's starting out way better

i mean i have a couch in my room

need i say more?

this has been the dave update