hi there

yesterday i found this voice inside of me

(yeah, sorry)

(this is gonna be a dark one)

i was in a good mood, feeling very strong

and then it got quiet, everything

it was not any sort of funny voice

not like a muppet

it was a very traditional "internal voice"

i've been listening to a lot of dj shadow lately

i forgot how good it was

and there's this one song on the private press

i'm gonna try and find it now actually

can't remember the name

ah here it is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5OGk9N8Y5s

"blood on the motorway"

there's a voice that starts it

not the

"AAAAANNNNNDDDDD NOOOOWWWWWWWW"

"ETERNITYYYYYYYYY"

the one that goes

"be still"

"i am with you"

that was the sound

but it was purely negative

i was calm and comfortable

and quiet

it piped from within me

i don't remember the exact words

but it was basically saying "you're still a pile of shit"

i was at my therapist's at the time

and i just sat and interpreted so she could hear it

after it stopped we just sat there

and she told me that this was something that could be fixed

i love religion as metaphor, as codes for things that can't be explained

i mean i hate religion as any sort of mandate on how to live your life

like to make decisions based on the bible?

get the fuck outta here

but the code of it is so beautiful to me

overdramatic sure but if you haven't realized by now how overdramatic i am then you're really not reading between the lines

i like the concept of that intangible part of a person being a universal singular soul

(i don't believe in it)

but i like the concept of it breathing in and out

2011 was an awful year for everyone i know

maybe that was just the soul exhaling

or choking

or having indigestion

i also like the concept of there being an evil so great it can destroy everything

and it invades you as though your body and mind were just a vehicle without a driver

i heard something last night about zombie bees

they've discovered a parasitic fly that takes over the body of a dead bee

and can use it for its own purposes

satan is real

(again)

ha ha

"be still"

"i am with you"

this has been an overdramatic dave update but fuck you sometimes i think like this