hi there

right now i'm impressing my romanian coworker with all the words i know in other languages

"paldies" means thanks in latvian

"ahora" means now in spanish

"nihongo o amari hanashimasen" means i don't really speak japanese in japanese

(might actually be "amare")

"no puedo hablar japonese" means i can't speak japanese in spanish

"domme fotza" means dumb cunt in german

(the spelling on that is probably way off)

"du armes verztien" means you poor little sausage in german

(the spelling on that is DEFINITELY way off)

"bendejo" is asshole in spanish

"cabron" is fucker in spanish

but cabron is actually not as vicious as it sounds

it's one of those words that you can call your friends as a way of ribbing on them

"que tal cabron?" means what's up fucker? in spanish

(i don't know how to do those upside down question marks)

if you bend your arms at the elbow and put them in front of you

with the right arm on top of the left i believe

and make horns with your right hand

(index and pinky finger)

and then shake the fingers on your left hand

that means bullshit in american sign language

which at some colleges you can take for foreign language credit

and it's super easy if you already speak english

probably very very hard if you don't

what else do i know

i know that you can't clean cast iron pans with soap

or you shouldn't at least

and reseasoning cast iron pans is not as complicated as it sounds

i know that you're not supposed to drink alcohol when you're taking antibiotics

i know a really good way to get stuck tapes out of car stereos

you use a label and a ID card/credit card

fold one side of the label onto itself so you have a non-stick grip point

put the label sticky side down into the tape deck

with the ID card above it

press down on the ID card to affix the label to the cassette tape

and then take out the ID card and put it beneath the cassette

MOVE SLOWLY

don't rush it

because the label will come off

you just need to gently pull with the label while doing most of the work with the ID card

if you address a letter with your address in the TO: field and your friend's address in the FROM: field

and drop it in a mailbox with no postage

they'll send it to your friend for free

(though they may require him to pay the postage on it upon delivery)

(or they might just "lose" it)

i know the right way to floss, you need to rope the floss around certain fingers

it's hard to explain in text

i know my hands are cold and my ass still hurts

though i'm glad that i brought my heating pad to work today

i used to be able to imitate the sound a tape recorder makes when fast-forwarding or rewinding

though i haven't tried that in forever

i used to have samuel l jackson's infamous "did i break your concentration" scene in pulp fiction memorized

i know how to connect audio/video equipment

or at least i used to, it's more complicated now

one time when we went to michigan for our family's 50th year in america

we stopped at all our relatives' houses

(mostly my mom's side, my dad's side is all missing)

and i had to connect all their vcrs and dvd players for them

i didn't really understand why i was doing it but all of them asked me because apparently i'm the only gulbis that knows how?

i know that apocalypse now is probably the wrong movie to watch when you are depressed

(well i mean i know that NOW)

i know that i've been having more and more trouble entertaining myself when i am alone

and i know that i'll never be able to stick to my often made promise

to just STOP TALKING

because while i know that no one gives a shit what i have to say

i also know that for some stupid reason

i just can't ever shut up

i mean look at this stupid fucking list of shit that's probably not even true

i tell myself at night when i'm trying to sleep and feeling sad

STOP TALKING

stop talking because all that does is get your hopes up

you talk with people and then think, oh maybe i have a friend

but you don't dave

so SHUT UP

and then i go to sleep and tell myself that i'm never talking again

and i wake up in the morning and say hi to all the cats on our street

hi cat

hi cat

hi dora

it's friday

i'll pray for you

this has been a typically long and worthless dave update