hi everyone

if you happen to be in the airport in long beach

and you hear someone playing "3 am eternal" on repeat

that's me

come say hi

it's been half an hour

this dance party isn't gonna start itself

(apparently)

KLF IS GONNA ROCK YOU

this has been the dave update

hey y'all

two things

one

wasn't that last dave update great

oh fuck off

you didn't read it

jerks

two

there was a new terminator movie?

it's on blu-ray

according to the internet

...

what is a blu-ray?

in other news

weed has been giving me cramps

kill everyone

fire to everything

dead babies

this has been the dave update

you guys you guys you guys

no time for formalities

watching internet tv right now

(uh-doi)

and bank of america has hired some "DIY expert"

to give hot DIY tips on how to improve your home

the first one?

take an old pallet

and hammer it on top of a table

BOOM

new table!

i'm not kidding

this is coming from a DIY EXPERT

second tip?

tape fake mosaic tiles

underneath your kitchen cabinets

BOOM

new kitchen

hey DIY EXPERT

it doesn't really count do it yourself

when all you do is buy something that does it for you

tip #3 is to take those old dresser drawers

paint em

and screw em together

and then put dumb bullshit in them

i guess they didn't have time in the commercial

for recommendations

for what to do with the old dresser that these drawers came in

DEAR DIY EXPERT

i don't know where bank of america found you

but while i won't take any of your home improvement tips

i will happily purchase and read your forthcoming memoir

"bullshitting"

"how to get paid for it"

"and how to get away with it"

FINALLY

this has been a solid dave update

what's up bitches

it's dav

i go by dav now

life way different

how y'all doin?

NEWSFLASH

don't talk to your computers

cuz i can't hear you

510 575 HISS

still the digits

today i am listening to pentangle

living in the east bay

just coming off a brutal 3 day sick bout

sick bout?

bout of sickness?

been sick for the past few days

but feeling better now

working two jay oh bees

ERRRY DAY I'M HUSTLIN

except for thursday and sunday

when i am usually cleaning

i live with my girlfriend and her cat

and 7 other people

and a dog

it's weird because you would think that by living with so many people

it might be kind of a crazy place

but just earlier today

i was playing slayer in the kitchen

and i thought "hm maybe i should turn this down"

"don't wanna disturb anyone"

here's a dave secret young davers

i now regret that decision

now i'm listening to a compilation of vancouver punk rock

that i probably ought to play louder

but i'm not going to

NOT ON MY ROOMMATE'S BEHALF

but cuz my receiver is weird and annoying

(it's not worth explaining)

dishrags rule ok

hm what else can i tell you

i still work at that horrible bar

i'm growing increasingly critical and paranoid about the internet

oh!

related

i'm very interested in the MKUltra program and experiments in brainwashing

IT'S OUT THERE PEOPLE

whatever it is

it probably is out there

whatever

an open letter if you don't mind the interruption:

dear rude norton,

those tits on the beach are not there for your squeezing

i don't know why they're all there

but you shouldn't assume anything

if you want to know

ask!

it's EASY

and the polite thing to do.

heart - dave

hm

not sure what else to talk to you about

not playing much music lately

i wrote a script for a short film

starring me and woody

(the bear)

haven't smoked weed in um 5 days i think?

why am i writing a dave update if i'm not stoned?

oh who knows

why do anything you guys?

why wake up in the morning?

why have coffee with your breakfast sandwich?

why have a breakfast sandwich at all?

IT'S OUT THERE PEOPLE

sigh

why bother with this dave update

this is kind of a dave downdate but i'm actually in a good mood

been too distracted to write anything lately

life is distracting and dumb

all i wanna do is drink beers and listen to slayer

but i have roommates and i think maybe a sinus infection

hey does anyone know a good place to live?

me and KA are thinking about getting OUTTA HERE

the bay is too expensive for anything

and it's dumb

money stinks money stinks

this city stinks

BEG BORROW OR STEAL

you said it young canadians

anyone who can guess which record i'm listening to gets $20

510 575 HISS

i'll pay it too, two jobs means i got hecka buxxx

hm

what else

i'm trying hard to make this a really long dave update

but i don't have much to say right now i think

feeling really normal lately

kind of square maybe?

going out and stuff doesn't really sound that appealing

i went to a show the other night and left early

one of the bands was so mind-numbingly loud and bad

that i felt kinda brain dead during it

so i just left

oh!

i have a car now!

but i want to get rid of it

hey if you can guess what record i'm listening to

you can have my car

no joke

my car or twenty bucks

NOT BOTH

winner's choice

this is such an easy contest to win

anyways

i brought up my car

because for some reason my car seems really appropriate to drink and drive in

maybe i shouldn't admit that on the internet

but i don't really care

if some cop wants to really do the leg work

and track down my info

and actually catches me in the act

(since the dave update is written in character)

(nothing i write on here should be taken seriously)

(UH-DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

but if some prick-head po-lice actually goes thru with all that

then hey cop good effort

way to make absolutely no difference at all

but anyways

i felt brain dead

so i got a beer and drove home

cuz i thought

if going out just makes me brain dead

then i can just go home and be brain dead instead

that way i can listen to good music

and the beer will be cheaper

is this dave update long enough yet?

i wanna eat soup soon

so maybe i should be done

but this isn't really THAT long

hm

veggie corn dogs

i think the dave update might be done

i am a brain dead normal person now

call me and win a car

this has been the dave update