hi there

not actually an update

i just wanted to post this somewhere

this is from an e-mail where someone is trying to get us to buy their new cd

Ps. For The Record: We Can Write Anything! We Already Have A Thousand Killer Riffs! We've Already Shared Some Of The Biggest Stages With Acts Like White Zombie! Lynyrd Skynyrd! Steppenwolf! Cheap Trick! Overkill! Metal Church! Blackfoot! Dirty Looks! Childs Play! Crazy Train! Nazareth! Etc! Detroit Rock Bands Like Seduce! Halloween! Strut! Heavens Wish! Something Wild! Concrete Rattle! Bad Boy Plague! Trash Brats! Etc! Also Plenty Of Small Gigs! Began As "Red Machete" In 1980's Been Writing & Performing Since! Our Original Drummer Carl Toth Died Killed By A Drunk Driver One Month After 1st Full Length Album On Cassette Only! In 1988'! Red Machete Played Only One More Show As A Tribute To Carl In 1989'! The Surving Members Formed As Madhouse In 1990'! We Have Always Been A Trend Setter Not A Trend Follower So Our 80's & 90's Material Is Still Different Than The La Scene! However We Were Heavily Influenced By Many La Bands! Madhouse Released 1st full Length Album On Cassette In 1990'! w/ Jamie Devoll On Lead Vocals! 2nd Full Length Album On Cassette w/ AJ Micalleff On Vocals In 1993'! Signed An Overseas Record Deal And Got Burned In 1994' w/ Spin Records & Lead Vocalist Tony Taylor (RIP) Of Twisted Tower Dire! Jamie Formed Waysted Youth And Jammed With Roxx! Singer AJ Micalleff & Drummer Roy Barker Formed Sacred Realm! Doug Braun (Me! lol!) Started A Successful Business! Got Married! Had A Babby! Studied Law! Won Judgement Against Record Deal & Former Employer @ Deadly Chemical Plant! Retired Since & Owns Successful Internet Business! I'm An Artist, Writer, Frontman & Been Releasing My Own Records Since 1984'! Madhouse Returned In 2005' Just To Let The Internet Know Who We Are And That We Existed! Singer Jamie Devoll Became A Cop! And Rejoined Madhouse In 2005'! We Re Released Our 1st Album On Cassette Now On CD Known As Everything Kills! We Wanted To Break Away From The 80's 90's Metal Image! Prove We Could Throw Down With The Heavy Metal Of Today! We Released A Pretty Heavy Cd Titled (Thanks For Nothing!) in 2009'! We Wanted A Masterpiece But Due To Financial Restraints We Had To Let It Go Into Production! We Did Not Have Original Bass Or Drummer! Wayne King Or Roy Barker! But Overall It Still Kicks Some Ass! I Want To Share Madhouse With The World And Create Back To Back Masterpieces! And Hopefully Play A Major Role In The Return Of Rock n' Roll! Our Idols Are Either Done Or Dried Up!? The Death Metal Is Out Of Control! However We Love These Bands & The Genre! But, Regardless Of The Strong Support Of It's Loyal Followers!? It Is Scaring Away Customers Both Live & On Cd! My Guess Is 1,000+ ac/dc Fans to 1 Slayer Fan!? ( Just A Guess! ) Just Trying To Say The Few Are More Loyal Than The Masses For Rock Fans @ The Moment!? But The Masses Will Prefer Real Rock n' Roll! And We Can Deliver The Goods! Not Once! Or Twice! I Mean Endless Riffs! As For The Band Members!? If We Get A Label!? I'm Taking Pick Of The Litter! Lol! I Have A John Bonham & Rudy Sarzo Drueling Over The Position! But, Because It's My Baby! It's Been All My Burden! Financial, Musically! Etc! If We do Not Find Some Help!? Madhouse Can Either Slowly Submit A Few Songs @ A Time!? Quit!? Or Bankrupt Myself!? With A Label We Can Put Out A Dozen Killer Cd's In A Couple Of Years Not Including Rights To Master? Or Reproduce The Older Albums!? The Average Career For A Successful Band Is What!? 5 Years Or Less!?? Maybe 1 or 2 Good Albums!?? Maybe Only 1 or 2 Good Songs!? I Say It's In The Smart Label To Take A Longshot On Us! Worst Case Scenario It's A Tax Write Off!? . But, We Work Hard! And We Work Smart! All Advice Is Cool! But The Sooner We Get A Label!?? The Sooner We Can Prove I'm Not Talking Shit! Lol! We Put On Insane Shows! & Quality Music Over And Over Again! Thanks! Sorry If This Lands In Your Email More Than Once!? Just Learning There Is Almost As Many Labels As They Are Bands! & We Are Volnurable To Talent Scouts If They Only Do Death Metal!? Only Do Rap!? Only Do Pop!? Or The Major Labels Just Won't Listen To Unsolicited Material! Etc! Please Be The Next David Geffen! & Sign Madhouse! The Next Guns n' Roses!?? .. Smile! ; )

the dave update is still dead

but this is a much better send off i think

hi everyone

i think i'm over this

from now on if you want to read a dave update

please hit me up on gchat

ihateyourartschool

and i will write one for you on the spot

everyone knows my phone number by now

510 575 HISS

i might go back to writing them on my own if i get bored

but probably not for awhile

it's been fun

(not really)

this has been the dave update

hello

yesterday i worked for a bit

i think i need to re-shoot everything i shot this weekend

but it's mostly just because i moved too fast

YES i am AWARE of a thing called slow motion

but i don't really want to go nuts with it

hm

i think maybe only i know what i'm talking about right now

ever get so tired that you're not sure if what you are saying makes any sense?

i don't really feel tired right now but my mind definitely does

i had a dream last night where my friend cora made fun of how fat i am getting

am i getting fat???? this dream was news to me

it was a shitty dream too because i was getting emotional over it

(in the dream)

in real life i feel ok about getting fat

not really ok but i wouldn't get emotional if someone made fun of my weight i don't think

unless that someone was my belly

and that'd just be because of how weird that would be

i don't even know how that would work

oh!

i wrote a new dggba last night

i give it a b-minus to be honest

maybe even c-plus

not my best work but it's been awhile

if anyone else is in need of bad advice

DON'T call me

because i don't do that shit over the phone

e-mail me

ihateyourartschool

gmail

yup

SIGH

oh i recorded a little last night too

nothing special honestly

just some manipulated loop stuff

spacey and fucked

in a

mellllllllooooooooooooow

way

well

i can't think of anything else i want to talk about

unless i want to start obsessing over something i know i shouldn't obsess about

i'm starting to think the dave update is becoming too real

i'll think up funny things soon, i guess

WHATEVER

thinking of you

no, not you

YOU

this has been the dave update

hello

went home early yesterday, around like 1 or 2

felt bad

honestly just felt depressed

and not much different from how i feel today

but whatever

who cares

hm

whatever AGAIN

double whatever

i need a vacation

oh!

shit!

today is my business meeting

fuck

totally forgot

i'm gonna go chug some coffee because i feel dead asleep

ok

LATER

this has been the dave update

hello

i have a very uncomfortable thing on my neck

like a pimple that hasn't yet peaked

it's annoying

i almost wrote "the most uncomfortable"

but that's LAZY WRITING

the most uncomfortable thing on a neck would probably be something like red hot 90 year old testicles

the loose skin of the ballsac wrapped around your neck

like a flesh colored scarf with wirey stray grey hairs

and the balls themselves are BLAZING hot

so you have to go knuckle deep into this old man's ballsac

and find the balls and get them away from your neck somehow

why this old dude is wrapping his balls around your neck i don't know

i really went for it a little on this imagery

sort of

feel too tired to REALLY go for it

tonight i will be updating DGGBA for the first time in like forever

(dggba.blogspot.com)

(yeah, i have a lot of blogs, fuck you)

(i spend a lot of time alone)

(i realize that's what masturbating is for but i'm telling you)

(i spend A LOT of time alone)

god fucking damn it

my neck hurts and i hate everything

this has been the dave update

hello

my head hurts like CRAZY right now

someone reviewed the seven lies presents tape!

http://animalpsi.com/2011/09/hiss-babe-terror-–-‘preparing-a-voice-to-meet-the/

i don't know if it's a good review or not ha ha

but i like gown and kevin shields though

i don't know en or horseback

cooooooooooool

sigh

i feel good right now but a little conflicted

i'm totally not gonna get into it right now though

this weekend, let's talk WEEKEND

this friday i don't remember what i did?

oh no

i do

i got bummed and just stayed home

saturday we moved a bunch of stuff into our work room

which is AWESOME

and then watched a couple ryan gosling movies

for some reason

SIGH

fine

you caught me

because he's a DREAMBOAT

ha ha

actually i never really cared about him before but he's pretty on it

dude can act YO

cora came over and we watched movies and talked for awhile

it was great

then she got to christen our guest room

which hopefully doesn't mean she shit in it

i didn't check around or whatever

yesterday was great too

i went around and filmed a bunch of stuff

and then nathini and i hung out for a minute before she headed back to germany

i hope that she moves here in the not too distant future

this is a really dull update, sorry y'all

can i spice it up at all?

hm

NASAL SEX

damn

that was the best idea i could come up with

(that was an actual thought that came to my head)

(i actually asked myself)

("what could i do to make this more interesting?")

("maybe i should type nasal sex")

("in all caps though")

(so i did)

ok

nasal sex'll do it

this has been the dave update

hello

one thing i've learned as i get older:

putting a new jug on the water cooler is not as hard as it seems

i find it helps to pour a little into the water cooler first, before you make the "big flip"

helps prevent spills that is

also with omelettes and pancakes

you have to let one side cook for awhile

but you have to keep it moving a little

otherwise it sticks to the pan

not too early though

if you start fucking with it too early it loses its shape

which hey maybe you want to eat a fucked up looking pancake

also with tofurky fake sausages i really don't recommend a grill

they get way too dry

i recommend pan frying them

and covering them too

low heat

yawn

i think i am beginning to disappear

already i'm noticing things missing

this is how it starts

hello

is this what james blake sounds like?

apparently it is

hm

i've heard him before but i actually like this

the other stuff not so much

EWWWWWWWW

never mind

this is awful

fucking auto-tune

anybody who thinks that they have a new original and cool thing to do with auto-tune should just go and get fucked

i'm dave gulbis and you can fucking quote me on that

BRING IT ON T-PAIN

ok

today i do feel like talking

i made an appointment with a therapist

i'm not eager to go back to therapy but i definitely need to

plus my new therapist's name is dr jane christmas

phd

which i feel like i can get on board with

she's british though, or at least foreign

she's british though, or at least foreign

she's british though, or at least foreign

she's british though, or at least foreign

(that line sounds funny to me)

she's british though, or at least foreign

so i may wind up chasing my troubles away with a song and a spot of tea

we'll see what her advice is

i hope i learn to fly using an umbrella

it's raining today so that would come in especially handy

i mean just hovering would be dope

you wouldn't step in the shit and piss rivers

UGHHHHH

james blake just said "i could drink a case of you darling"

FUCK OFF

"you taste so bitter and so sweet"

FUCK OFF

at what point are you just blatantly mining cliches to sound "heartfelt?"

i mean "i could drink a case of you darling" is WELL beyond that point

maybe it's foo fighters?

"breathe out, so i can breathe you in?"

that one is pretty bad but i think it redeems itself by following it with "hold you in"

then it just sounds like a weed song ha ha

not that weed songs aren't corny

in fact weed songs i think take the corny cake

weed songs are part of the reason i stopped smoking weed

and then spacey trance music is probably the reason i started again

YAWN

she's british though, or at least foreign

not a great dave update but at least it's new

james blake sucks and this has been a new dave update

take care

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

hi there

i don't want to talk today either

i always feel like i should at least TRY and say something

so i'll tell you that lately i've been going onto the live chat section of sfsuicide.org

it's weird but it's someone to talk to

even though your conversation topics are fairly limited

last time i got in a long involved conversation about cognitive dissonance and how life is (or is not?) a movie

before that i totally got dissed

the person on the other end was like

"well dave i have to go, feel better"

even though we didn't talk at all

hm

that's all i can talk about right now

this has been the dave update

hi

nope

this has been the dave update