hello

last night was fun

was hangin in my old "hood"

where apparently there was a fire

had a weird moment though when i was walking to bart

got offered A LOT of drugs

which really isn't that weird

but in between getting offered a lot of drugs

(some of which i'd never heard of)

(must be getting old)

(if you don't know what a drug is it's because you're OLD)

(ha ha)

(parentheses)

some super normal looking white guy walked by me

looked me in the eye

and said very articulately

"hello, how are you?"

and it CREEPED ME OUT

i mumbled hello and just kept walking

but it totally gave me chills, ugh

and then i started thinking about black people

and how i'm always a little jealous of them

because you'll be sitting on bart near a black person

and another black person will come on the train

and they'll say hello and start chatting like they were old friends

and i always think to myself (at first)

"wow, they seem very unsurprised at seeing each other on the train"

because whenever i see someone i know on bart

i'm always like, WHOOAAAAAA whatareyoudoingwhereareyougoinglet'shangoutblahblahblah

but they always are real casual about it

but if you eavesdrop for awhile

(which i ALWAYS do on bart)

it becomes clear that they don't know each other at all

i thought this was just an arizona phenomenon at first

because there aren't that many black people in AZ

because it is openly racist as fuck

seriously

if you were surprised by SB 1070 you have obviously never been to arizona

when i was growing up there people my age would tell me the most racist fucked up shit

and i would be like, "dude, you're my age?"

"aren't you supposed to actually like live a long and shitty life before you start telling me how lazy black people are?"

"or how mexicans are stealing all our jobs?"

"have you even MET a black person????"

"i mean we work at a movie theatre together, what mexican did you have to fight off to get THIS SHIT JOB?"

anyways, yeah, az = racist as fuck.

big whoop

but even out here there is like a weird comraderie between black people who don't appear to know each other

maybe i'm rushing to label this but i've never ever seen a white person come on the train and shake hands with someone and just start chatting like they were friends

and i've definitely seen a lot of black people doing it

it's not racist, it's just pattern recognition

ha ha

i think if you have to tell anyone "no no it's not racist" then it's probably racist

so this whole rant is probably racist

but fuck it i'm from arizona what do you expect

anyways

i always really liked that kind of attitude

that sort of, "hey, we're both black, let's chat"

and always wondered why white people didn't do it

with each other or with other ethnicities for that matter

and then this super normal dude said

"hello, how are you?"

to me

and i was like UGHHHHHHHHHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME WEIRDO

so maybe i'm not looking for that kind of friendliness

friendliness?

friendlyness?

hm

definitely not with a y....

so maybe i'm not looking for that kind of attention

but to be fair i was in the TL

and i had drugs to buy damnit

no time to chat

ha ha

not really but i had a train to catch

plus dude looked like a bible saleman

and i have enough bibles thank you

i had a bunch of other deep thoughts last night

sometimes i do think we're stuck with this self we're born into

and i believe that the "self" is something that evolves from experience

i don't know if we're a blank slate really

because there are a lot of things that we have no control over that affect who we are

like for example if we're black we might be more likely to talk to people on a train

(IT'S NOT RACIST IT'S JUST A THEORY HA HA)

if we're born with pretty eyes we're more likely to seem interesting

weak examples but maybe you get my point

our culture and setting has already invented traits for us

and some of those traits are things we can escape

but i used to think all of them were

now i'm not sure

last night we were talking a lot about growing up

and getting stoned

and i couldn't relate to so much of it

my friends were talking about how weird it was when you came home stoned and your parents were stoned too

and all of these other weird fun young experiences

and my adolescence was so much more combatitive

like when i got grounded for an entire summer

or even just work

i worked for our family business my whole life

i had no choice in this

i mean i was even fired from it

twice

and it was AWESOME both times

but a few days went by and then my dad was like

"need you to work this weekend"

i had no time to take acid and steal a car and go to california

then when i turned 15 i got a job outside of home

and then 16 a second job

and i just worked

so i could get money

to get away from arizona

and then i got offered a scholarship at asu

which i should have turned down

because i went to school and spent all the money i'd saved

because i just went to school for awhile and didn't work

but school is still work so i didn't enjoy the money i'd saved, oops

ok

this is enough

this dave update is turning into a list of all the things i've done wrong in my life

and fuck i could go ALL DAY

i should have just stuck with being racist

this has been the dave update