hi there

sorry, no dave update again this weekend

i've been too busy these past couple weekends

i just moved and there's just a bunch of stuff that goes along with that

plus i don't owe you shit

ha ha

my friend wants to have business cards made that say his name

and then below it

"i don't owe you shit"

i had this dreadful feeling just a few minutes ago

not dreadful like

"oh this chicken cordon bleu is just DREADFUL"

but like full of dread

i don't know what spurred it or where it came from

but suddenly my muscles kind of collapsed and my eyes started to tear

i've been having that "something's got to give" feeling a lot lately

but i'm not sure if i can pull it towards something good

hm

there are two parts of my life that are just spinning

i don't know why i used the word parts there

i guess i meant

"there are two things that are on my mind and i don't know how to deal with them"

i'm not going to tell you about them

because, as previously discussed

i don't owe you shit

lately i've been thinking a lot about something i call "the invisible audience"

and how the internet only exacerbates this problem

well

it's not a problem per say

i mean in many ways the invisible audience is probably a good thing

i mean a lot of people take better care of themselves because of it

do you guys know what i mean by the invisible audience?

the concept that people are paying attention to how you live your life?

i think it's a fallacy, i don't think it's as large or as caring an audience as our minds let us think

(or maybe just my mind)

(i had to look up fallacy to make sure that it was the right word)

(it is)

(although apparently fallacy also means obsolete)

part of the reason i started doing the dave update was to attempt to subvert the invisible audience

instead of better buffering my "public image"

(ha ha)

(i can't use that phrase with a straight face)

(let's try that again)

instead of making the physical person you see and interact with better

to please the invisible audience

i thought the dave update would be a funny way to take the dull and private

and broadcast it to an actual audience

(which hardly exists)

i mean that's not really the full impetus of the dave update

mostly it's that i'm bored and lonely and talking to no one is better than not talking

but i do like that concept though, taking the private and broadcasting it

if only to sully the quote-unquote airwaves

i had this idea for a protest in favor of gay marriage

the common argument against gay marriage is that it will de-sanctify the practice

if gays can get married then marriage isn't as holy?

and the defense against that is that all types of love are holy, blah blah blah

but i say we just take the opposite route

instead of saying gay marriage is holy too

let's just prove that there's nothing holy about straight marriages either

and have mass weddings and divorces

this will also flood the government with paperwork to deal with all these marriages/divorces

which is something that would be much harder to ignore than picket signs

i think it would be easy, all it would really take was a uniform pre-nup

to make sure no one got screwed financially in all this marriage/divorce mess

and then you and all your friends could get married and divorced to each other

like, once every couple weeks

is it disappointing that this honestly is like THE BEST IDEA i've ever had?

i think it would be much more effective

i mean fuck marriage either way

actually no

i've been married and it was fun

2 months

it's fun to be married, i get why gay people want it so much

ok

you can't force yourself in people's lives

i wish i could honestly

i have a song in my head

that is essentially finished

but i don't know how to play it at all

but i know every note

i mean i've written it

sort of

the "hook" is "i've been throwing my love down a hole"

that's what happens when you try and force yourself in someone's life

you throw your love down a hole

and when that hole closes and you're left alone and loveless

everyone looks at you like "what the fuck did you expect?"

"you've been throwing it all away"

here comes that "something's got to give" feeling again

this has been the dave update