hi everyone

i have two important updates to share

firstly

i have an actually useful piece of new slang for you all

this isn't like "epic" or "awesome" or some generic bullshit like that

in general i discourage the mass distribution of new slang

cuz like fuck you these words already exist

BUT

this term is SO HANDY and SO FUN TO SAY

that i find myself saying it to people

who are like

HEY DAVE WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

it's nonsense

OK OK OK

many of you may be familiar with the phrase

"six of one, half-dozen of the other"

it's not entirely divorced from

"toe-may-tah toe-mah-toe"

implying that one option

is so similar to the only other available option

that they are essentially the same thing

SO

i have jacy to credit for this

because he started saying it

and i jumped on board

so much so that i am WRITING THIS

RIGHT NOW

instead of going thru all the motion of

"six of one half-dozen of the other"

i have started saying

"six one"

and it's a very quick and appropriate way to say

"hey i really don't give a shit"

anyone who knows me knows that i LOVE to say

"hey i really don't give a shit"

so

people who know me

realize this:

i PREFER saying "six one"

to "hey i really don't give a shit"

get on board america

ok

two

kim calls being on one's period

being on the wolf

and i think that's much better than any other phrasing

(certainly better than "being on one's period!")

that's all

thanks for listening

this has been a breaking news dave update

hi everyone

boy did i just have a weird thought

because of how cows are overmilked

a craving for chocolate milk

could actually be referred to as

"a thirst for bloooooooooooooood"

this has been a nauseating but true dave update

oh shit

dave addendum

i think it's worth mentioning

that i had this thought

because i had a craving for chocolate milk

what's up with me and the sweets lately?

i ate 3 donuts the other night

in two separate places no less

i ate one

at one place

and then i biked to a different place

and ate two

both of these "places"

were donut shops

HEY!

MUST BE THE HONEY!

this has been a fascinating dave addendum

OH WOW!

one final thought

i think i'm going to make dave update t-shirts

they are just gonna say "sparks rule!"

if you want one you know the number

510 575 HISS

this has been a pretty good dave update, i like it!

hi everyone

how's things

i am very very hungover

i try to have a dry month once a year

and this year november was my dry month

and yesterday was december 1st

i forgot that life can feel this HORRIBLE

i didn't even really drink that much

i can barely move though

i slept til noon

and have thrown up once already

i tried to go to the store to get saltines and ginger ale

but barely made it up the stairs

now i am on the couch

thank god jacy is alive and home today for some reason

he went to the store and got me saltines and ginger ale

now i am on the couch

oh whoops i said that

now i am on the couch and i feel like i am in a nursing home

TAKE ME DEATH

TAKE ME NOW

i am being dramatic but i haven't had a hangover this bad in a really long time

let's talk about something else

i got a keyboard yesterday called a music star

oh god i want to vomit

ha ha

kim just called me and apparently i saw her last night?

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

this has been a dave update i'd like to forget