hi there

i'm exhausted today

so not much to say

one thing though

please let's stop with bad things happening to us

one of my favorite people in the world just got severly injured

it seems like awful things are happening to my favorite people right now

and i'm deciding right now

that bad things aren't going to happen to my favorite people any more

it ends here

no "i hope" or any other qualifier

because this is bullshit and i hate it

and now it's over.

that's i think all i have to say

this has been the dave update

EDIT: a friend of mine had a daughter

his partner was having troubles during the pregnancy

they're both fine

i guess "the three of them are all fine" is the right thing to say

see?

no more bad things

i wish i'd made this proclamation before this weekend

this has been the dave addendum

hi there

this'll be quick

because i'm late

but i'm still laughing about that don knotts thing from yesterday

that was really funny

ok see ya

this has been the dave update

oh hey

forgot about you

i'm really bored in life

and lonesome

so i don't know why i turned to the internet for help

but i got on a free dating site

whose name i'm not going to say but you can probably guess

i HATE IT

because it's depressing and stupid

and kind of embarrassing

one r or two?

i always get confused

and above all

it's opposite everything...

well

i feel like maybe i should make a director's cut of this dave update

where i allow myself to go on a rant

but the studio definitely wants to cut that scene

so if i can think of a blog equivalent

to dvd bonus features

i'll add it there

but i mean i'm bored

(obviously)

and lonesome

and frankly don't know what else to do

in the way of

"meeting people"

so don't judge

it's rude

you don't know how other people live

anyways

i'm updating my profile right now

and trying to think of good things to do

that's when i remembered the dave update

because i thought of the best answer to:

"my self-summary"

i went on imdb and looked up don knotts

and copy and pasted the first paragraph of his bio

and replaced the name don knotts with DAVE

i am laughing so hard out loud at myself

tears are literally rolling down my eyes

only like half/sad tears

MAN this is a punctuation heavy dave update

why the slash there?

i don't know it was in my head for some reason

i do *s instead of "s in text messages

but that's just because it's more complicated to do "s

i don't know why i put that there

UGH

i'm getting distracted

anyways

i also put down, for:

"The First Thing people notice about me is:"

ha ha i feel like if i could answer this question i wouldn't be meeting people on the internet

that's not as funny as the don knotts one

it's a little more true

i'm trying to think of better things to put for my interests section

because i put it in serious earlier

but now it seems dorky

i don't know

maybe i'll post a link when i'm done

and you can make fun of me for answering so many dating questions

SHUT UP I'M BORED

this has been a surprisingly circular though potentially incoherent dave update

ps - okcupid.com/profile/xxoxoxcetera

hi there

sorry

quick update

i really enjoy this e-mail exchange:

from me: "Sorry [XXXX] - we're out of that [XXXX] LP. I've refunded your payment, sorry again!"

from him: "i figured as much.
it was a shot in the dark (ala ronnie james dio)
thanks for getting back to me and the prompt refund.
jim"

from me: "Thanks for your understanding, I certainly hope we haven't discouraged you from taking advice from Dio."

i'll update if there's more

this has been a bonus dave update

hello

i've done it

i've really done it this time

i've forwarded an e-mail full of cute animal pictures

how deep will this hole go??????

ha ha

they are really cute

let me know if you want me to forward it to you as well

I LIKE ANIMALS DUDE DEAL WITH IT

i don't have a lot to talk about today, really still too much work to do

i thought the last episode of oprah was disappointing

i tried to tell all the nurses in the hospital that i was having an oprah party

they refused to write it on my chart to let everyone know

but it's probably good they did

all oprah did was talk about god in this kind of generic way

i have this ex-girlfriend who is really into baffling youtube comments

it's hard to define what "baffling" means in that sentence

but i found one today that i wanted to forward to her

"i want to speak chinese so bad. i guess that's why i am taking chinese next semester"

this was on one of those NMA videos

with the weird animations about current events

why would someone write that?

what do they expect will come from that statement?

it's

"baffling"

ok

this weekend is a three day weekend

and i will spend at least one of these three days moving

i am excited for it but also dreading it

I HATE TO MOVE

i have too much shit

this weekend i want something nice to happen

and i want it to be something someone does for/to me

that might sound like me fishing for like a surprise birthday party or something

i assure you it's not

i don't tell people when my birthday is anyways

and it's definitely NOT this weekend

i was thinking something in the way of....

actually i'm not going to say what i was thinking of

because now i'm maybe overconcerned about sounding like i'm hinting for a particular thing

i just want someone to do something nice

that makes me think

"well that was nice"

ok ok

i want a blow job

is that so much to ask????

ha ha ha

sorry i've been trying to not be crass lately

but i thought that was funny

can't take the bite out of a dog

can't take the spice out of a pepper

can't take the ____ out of a _____

it appears to work with everything

can't take the spin from a fan

can't take the whine out of an e-mail

can't take the yellow from a post-it

ha ha ha

i love this

none of these are "true" but they are making me laugh

laugh on the inside still counts as laughter

hm

ok that's probably good enough

this has been an overdue actual dave update

hi

sorry, no update today

i'm a lot better than the last update may suggest

now that my headache has gone away

everything's cool, sort of

see ya later

this has been the dave update

hi

life gives me a headache sometimes

i just got out of the hospital

life gives me a headache sometimes

this has been the dave update

hi

just real quick

if one more fucking person tells me to "take care of myself"

i'm gonna fucking lose it

i AM taking care of myself

the best i fucking can

i mean i get that it's well-intentioned and i appreciate THAT

but me taking care of myself is not the fucking problem

this has been the dave ultimatum

hello

this will have to be brief because work is gonna be rough today

you know what

fuck it

this has been the dave update

hi

nothing to say today i don't think

this has been the dave update

hi

i don't think i want to do this any more

i feel awful and i don't think any real happiness awaits me

i can't stop expecting changes and it's always disappointing

i'm exhausted all the time and i don't want to move, eat, anything

people just glare at me when i go out

i feel 100% worthless to the world but people in particular

i don't know why anyone would want me around but i still expect that someone would want to

for some unknown reason

but no one does

that's the fucking bullshit logic i've had my whole life

i can't handle it, i'm sick sick sick of it

i hope the stupid world does end today

and the earthquake happens right fucking here

so i'm the first person to fall through the cracks and splat face first in the deepest depths of hell

which i assume has probably lava for floors?

if it's in the earth i mean it must

probably isn't though, seems too small

we're already overcrowded up here and there's MUCH more space

maybe satan is just better with feng shui

maybe the whole pentagram thing is just a design motif that we haven't figured out yet

in which case i really can't wait for hell because i love seeing what other people do to save space

(i was trying not to say "interior design" in that last sentence)

(not so into "interior design" as a blanket topic)

(but i do like seeing what people do with space)

(i could use some tips for real)

(i mean none of you have seen my room probably but there's a lot of stuff here)

(and i do okay with what i've got)

(but i always like a good tip)

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

looks like a wall

this has been maybe the last dave update

hello

still exhausted, still dirty

i'm supposed to have a drink with a store customer tonight

but i'm still having a dry month

and i don't want to do anything other than shower, sleep, or pack right now

in that order

maybe

shower/sleep are kind of interchangeable there

i wish i could shower in my sleep, that'd make things so much easier

i went to a show last night

i feel like i just don't belong in this city

or anywhere

i met this really annoying kid

who was really pissed about the show

and wouldn't stop talking about how his band could blow the other bands off the stage

(there's a blow job joke in there somewhere that i'm just gonna skip)

i asked them what they were called and he was like

"we're not playing out yet, we're perfecting everything"

hoo boy

then he told me about the band

and was like "it's real rock dude"

"like, 70s hard rock, like sabbath"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

i'm posting that multiple times

because i've been through enough one-sheets to know

for a fact

that that's the WORST description of a band i've ever heard

i wanted to tell him that

just say "oh god that sounds horrible"

"find a new slogan"

but he wouldn't shut up

he started talking about how LA is much better than SF

because of the whiskey and all the rock history on the strip

he kind of made me feel sad to be honest

anyone that sure of themselves is bound to get really disappointed

oh well

that's life

"someone once described us as kurt cobain singing for led zep"

ha ha ha

i bet that someone is himself too

ummmmmm

this weekend i'm going to start moving

i guess

dunno

i mean if i feel like it i guess

ok

i can feel myself starting to drift towards bummer rants

so maybe i should end this

oh!

wait

i had a really long talk with a friend from AZ yesterday

about a mutual friend who we're concerned with

well i'm concerned with

i think he's sort of written him off because they've had a more direct confrontation

it was interesting though

i wish i could think of some highlights

i don't know, it was interesting though

hm

ok

i want to talk about something else but i'm just not sure how to phrase it

i don't know

how.....

hm

i don't know

i think....

i'm just tired of affection in my life being one-way

that's not exactly what i mean

but i care about a few people

and want to be more in their lives

hm

their lives?

why does that look so weird?

whatever you get it

and i'm tired of really having no say in it

you can't force yourself into people's lives

i mean i get it

i get that to these people i'm not like a primary friend

but i just NEED a primary friend of my own maybe?

dave gulbis, afterthought

ha ha

fuck this, i'm not getting anywhere

this weekend i'm going to start moving

this has been the dave update

hello

i'm tired

also kind of dirty, haven't showered in a couple days

this week has felt weird

it's like something is going on but nothing really is

i'm not sure how else to explain that

i know that's pretty vague but that's all i've got

i feel like there's something important i'm forgetting

who knows what though

maybe i am forgetting to shower

though i've been remembering and just not doing it

i keep saying "ugh, too tired tonight, i'll do it in the morning"

and then i wake up late for work

my rib hurts right now

here's a story

when i was in eighth grade my brother broke my rib

he was lying on the couch in our tv room

and i came in and was like

"hey dude move yr feet i wanna watch tv too"

and he REFUSED!

oops hold on phone

ok

another mailorder issue SOLVED

ok

so he REFUSED!

the nerve!

ha ha

i'm playing up how MEAN my brother was during this exchange

because he's so embarrassed about it now

we were young, obviously i don't hold a grudge or anything

but i mean THE NERVE!

ha ha

so i took his feet and put them on top of the couch

and sat where his feet were

and HE took his feet

and put them directly into my side

but not so much in the way a cat might?

like pawing at my side?

more like bending his legs at the knee

and then shooting them into my side like a fucking train

OUCH

i jumped up and screamed out a tirade at him

"mother fucker you fucking asshole fuck fuck fuck"

etc

and my parents came in and yelled at me because of my foul mouth

i remember them saying "you're being dramatic, does it still hurt now??"

and i said "YES!"

for like a month it still hurt!

i would come home from school and say to my mom

"you know, i had trouble running in PE again, i think this injury is serious"

and my mom would say

"we'll go to the doctor this weekend"

4 weekends later

i finally got x-rays done

and the doctor said my rib was cracked

but because it had been cracked for so long

it had healed crookedly

and my options were to either have surgery

so that they could break and reset my rib

(since it's a rib they can't just rebreak it like a nose)

(gotta consider the lungs)

or i can just live with it

i chose the latter option

now once every couple months i can't really take deep breaths without it hurting

right now is one of those times

i file that story in the "more things wrong with dave" section

if you go to my brain and find the "everything wrong with dave" section

just turn around and walk further down the aisle

ha ha

one thing cool about having a broken rib

is that you can actually feel and see my heartbeat

it's pretty cool actually

i know this maybe sounds gross or weird but it's totally cool

i promise

if you'd like to see it

510 575 HISS

and i'll show you it

or actually it's only sometimes REALLY visible

you can always see it but sometimes i have to lie back so it really is noticable

but you can always feel it

and it's not weird i promise!

so here's another story that is a little weird

i file this one under "dumb things that dave has said"

i was dating this girl

who i really really liked

and we were getting along great

and once we were making out

and my rib kind of hurt

but i'd never told her about it

and i think it's kind of cool, i mean you can SEE my heartbeat!

that's cool!

so i wanted to share this with her because i liked her and wanted her to think it was cool too i guess

so i broke away slightly from our "passionate embrace" ha ha

and said

"hey do you wanna see something weird?"

dear readers

dear young davers

when you are making out with someone

"hey do you wanna see something weird" is almost ALWAYS the wrong thing to say

even if it is weird

she actually wrote to my bad advice column about it

http://dggba.blogspot.com/2007/12/dggba-things-that-arent-weird.html

ok

enough about my rib i guess

tonight i am going to the independent to see clipd beaks and weekend

i have a plus one

if you'd like to come along

that number again is 510 575 HISS

please do call

or don't

this has been the dave update

me: do you think i'm crazy nick?
lately i think i am
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Nick: uh
me: (not really but i thought that was funny)

hello

i'm so tired today

i did nothing last night

but cleaned a little

i fucking HATE moving

i'm so bad at it

and then i listened to records

and went to bed really early

before bed i decided to put a warm washcloth over my eyes and listen to the colbert report

after awhile i took the washcloth off and i couldn't really see anything

everything was blurry

i thought maybe my eyes were just out of focus so i grabbed a book

and stared at the text for awhile until i could read it

but it didn't really help too much

so i just went to sleep

when i woke up today i could see fine

but i woke up stupid late today

and got to work at 10:30

i'm shooting for a 9 am arrival lately

oops

tomorrow my friends are playing the independent

beforehand i'm going to go to some art exhibit about living alone

i'm hoping that it will be reassuring

i know i dwell on this and i'm not trying to continue that trend

sometimes it helps though to type this kind of stuff or say it out loud

it's not really "fake it til you make it"

more like "this is confusing and new so i'm going to keep explaining it"

i mean

being alone is hardly new for me

ugh

i'm not talking about this any more

there's nothing new to discuss

i'm looking forward to living with pets

especially ion because WE HAVE A BOND

i love ion

i love oso too

i have trouble remembering the other cat's name but it's because i never see it

sigh

life is no kind

and judgment day is this saturday

bring it on i guess

i don't want to talk anymore today

this has been the dave update

hi there

it's tuesday

yay?

i don't have much to talk about

weird past few days

did laundry last night though

clean sheets do a lot for a person

oh

i finally finished "cruel story of youth"

really really good

i have a dave contest today

i need books

i need something good to read

right now i'm reading three books and not really enjoying any of them

"rock and the pop narcotic" by joe carducci

which any time i pick up

i really like the first, like, 8 pages i read

and then when i get to the 9th page

i get really fed up and close the book

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LISTEN TO MUSIC JOE

"bridges with feelings" or something like that

by some dude

which i hate to say it because my friend loaned it to me

but i kind of hate this book

super emo in all the sort of corny ways

over-dramatic, and a bunch of grammar errors and stuff too!

unacceptable!

ha ha

"john adams" by that one guy

ha ha

obviously my mom gave me this book

it is good but i need something more fun to read right now

so that i, you know

actually WANT to read

so

today's dave contest

either loan me a book

or trade me a book

if you trade me a book just tell me what kind of book you'd like to read

and i'll go through my library and see what looks good

if you loan me a book i WILL return it

hand to god

if you participate in today's dave update

i will buy you a bag of fritos

or the chip of your preference

i'd prefer fiction for the record

i'm sick of hearing about real things ha ha

ok

last night i came home and our back door was hanging on my one screw in one of the three hinges

i locked it and taped a sign on it that said "NO"

14 days and counting

um

what else

nothing!

this has been the dave update

hi again sorry

i need help please

i'm not sure what can help

but i am sure that i need it

i'm also confident that i probably won't receive it

and even if i do it probably won't be enough

i was with my parents all weekend

and all they are is negative and judgemental

judgmental?

who cares

and i kept thinking things like

"god i can't wait to get away from these negative people"

and i realized that's probably what people say when they're with me

and that's probably why i don't have friends

and any temporary friends i have always seem to disappear the same way

i don't think i want to live any more

life is awful and so fucking quiet

i can't handle it

everything just upsets me now

when i see something i don't like it aggravates me

when i see something i do like it's still frustrating

it's like, why am i not THAT

why haven't i been THERE

why don't i do THAT

instead

i stare at things

and write this

and that's pretty much it

i got home yesterday at around 8 pm

and i sat in bed

and stared at really nothing

no music or anything

just sitting and not moving

what do i think is going to change this?

what new thing is supposed to help this?

and what new thing that will help will actually bother?

no one nothing

no one nothing

no one nothing

you can call that a self-fulfilling prophecy all you want

but i swear to you i'm an optimist

ok fuck this

here's a joke

that i stole from tennessee williams i think

a family is at the zoo

looking at the elephant exhibit

and a lot of people don't know this but female elephants attract a mate by scent

they give off a certain smell that attracts the male

and while this particular family is viewing the elephants in their separate cages

the female "called her mate"

and the male picked up the scent

and became visibly aroused

the son, curious as children are

points to the elephant's erection and asks

"mom, what's that?"

the mom stutters a quick dismissal

"why, um, t-t-that's nothing, nothing at all"

and the dad nudges his son and says

"see how spoiled your mother is?"

this has been the dave update

hi

nope

this has been the dave update

i hate this

i hate this

i hate this

this has been the dave update

hi

i'm not going to talk today either

here's a story

a couple years ago my parents came to town

right around christmas

and the day they arrived we went to dinner

and it was tense

just tense

uncomfortable

we were all on guard and i was not comfortable

after dinner they went back to wherever they were staying

and i freaked out

for reasons i don't totally know

but i went out to a bar and was still freaking out

went home and felt horrible

called people but no one answered

went to work the next day still in a wild hole

wild like manic maybe?

manic panicked

i was seeing a therapist back then and i just happened to have a appt with her that day

i went in manic panicked

(which doesn't mean i had red hair or whatever)

(even though i did a long time ago)

(i liked it but it turned pink really quickly)

(and it was while i was in az so literally anywhere i went someone would shout "fag" at me)

(anyways)

anyways

i met with my therapist and she got very "concerned"

and decided i should go to the hospital

i went with her to the emergency room

and after i checked in i realized that this was a bad idea

for a variety of reasons

so i started talking to people about wanting to leave

and this is something they don't tell you about the hospital

if the ER doctors think that you are a danger to yourself

they can hold you for 72 hours

it's called a 51-50

and you can't leave

i've been thinking about this lately

because my parents are back in town

and if this happened again

if i freaked out and needed someone to calm me down

nothing would be different

nothing will ever be different

i am what i am

and what i am is unlikeable

not unlikeable really

i think people "like" me

but i think people also know that they shouldn't get to close for me

and it's probably a pretty good call on their part

bruise won't heal

bruise won't ever heal

me and the bruise

going on a cruise

staring at the sun

looking for no one

hut butt smut cut

blah blah blah

this has been the dave update

hello

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

listening to the new kate bush

i feel kind of awful

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

i can't really handle this

three days of good

feeling strong-ish and capable

folllowed by another couple months of just feeling pathetic

i'm over this

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

today i'm not going to talk

this has been the dave update

hey

bleh

not feeling so good today

life seems too stressful lately

and i move soooooooo slowwwwwww

let's see

yesterday i made a copy of a key

and went through some more records

just realized i haven't even looked through the 7"s yet

whatever

who cares

i took a shower this morning which is always kind of a strange way to start my day

but i went to sleep early last night

not really early

actually not at all early

but i was too tired to take a shower so there you go

GET OFF MY BACK

it was really fun just listening to records last night though

i can't wait to move into my new place

i had an idea i'm probably not going to do

but i want my room to have a balcony ha ha

and it's actually totally possible that i could do it

if i do make a balcony for my room though

i'm gonna get a really chinzy silk flower robe

and start every morning walking out on my balcony in it

untied of course

for extra sleaze factor

it's gonna be a much bigger room though than i have now

so i can get a couch or something

and sit around and listen to records

which usually is all i really want to do

listen to records or watch movies

hm

i think i have a lot of work to do today

i don't want to do anything though

i want people to message me on gchat

and say hey dave let me tell you some stories

and then i want to go to practice

and not get too stoned

and go home and pack up records

ugh i have no idea when i'm gonna have time to do the great slave lake art

al owes me records too, wonder when i'm gonna see those

probably soon i hope

okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

hm

don't feel done yet

bah

too bad

this has been an unsatisfactory dave update

*EDIT*

i forgot

i wanted to make something of a to-do list in this update

because i have a lot to do today

(i think?)

ok

- bike to CCS office on lunch break - get FOB and ask about deposit

- buy more hibiclens or however it's spelled

(i guess do that after work at the walgreens by bart)

- grumble about how annoying it is that you're the only roommate that buys toilet paper for this dump

- laundryyyyyyyyyyy

(sheets if you're not too tired/home too late)

- um

- remember what else you were supposed to do

because i know there's more than this

this has been the director's cut of the dave update

hello

shearing pinx has put out an absurd amount of releases

for real

jesus christ

their new LP has their discography listed

it's OUTTA CONTROL

dear shearing pinx

WE GET IT

sincerely dave

i like shearing pinx a lot too

but guys (and girl, right?)

TONE IT DOWN

i mean we get that you're canadian

and unspecifically upset about SOMETHING

but i mean read a book or something

ha ha

i've been listening to harry pussy a lot lately

which is another record i likely won't be bringing on thursday

this song is called "you're a song (that i can't sing)"

i heard that frankie valle

it's a motown morning here at revolver

hm

what else

who knows

i want to tell a story

i love the story about "big bear" but i already told that one

hm

nothing coming to mind

i lost my keys this weekend

i'm upset about it

probably too upset but now i can't ride my bike

because i keep it locked at home

just so my lock and bike are together

shut up i think it's romantic

ugh waking up early suckkkkkkkkkks

maybe i should get deep in this dave update

because this song is singing

"our lives are shaped by what we love"

which is true but not really the whole story i don't think

i think we shape our lives to what we love

have you ever noticed that people tend to think of things in metaphors?

specifically metaphors that related to things they care about?

it's sort of a cliche to talk about the eerie similarities between computers and the mind

but to me there's nothing eerie or coincidental about it

it's like, of course computers resemble the human mind

the human mind created computers

it does what it knows

i always read and hear music in words

like the pacing and rhythm

other people don't

but i'm into music

also poker, really like poker

and i always think of poker metaphors for life

which are generally really stupid ha ha ha

poker is not very similar to life

but there's a language in poker that's unspoken

if life were the game that many people seem to think it is

than poker would be sort of a coded way to learn how to play it

but it's not a game

life is life

living is living

sorry

did i just BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND?

i do that sometimes

it's like in poker....

ha ha ha ha ha

i don't have a metaphor here

just thought that'd be funny to say

um

this week

i want to get things done i guess?

i'd like to meet someone new but i don't see it happening

too busy

i sat next to a really pretty girl on bart today

she was like,

dave-pretty

like

when you see someone you're attracted to

but you know not everyone would be attracted to?

that's dave-pretty

when i think you're pretty but i don't think you're universally pretty

apparently parker posey falls in this category?????

i think that's weird

was pretty sure she was universally pretty but i've been told otherwise

also this week i'd like to not obsess over women

actually this LIFE i'd like to not obsess over women

i dropped that ball for a little while but i'm picking it back up

let's change the subject

i think this is well worn territory

this week i'd like to obsess over three things

1) laundry/hygeine

i've been killing it on both fronts lately i am proud to report

although i definitely missed a spot shaving last night

2) art work for the great slave lake tape

i am super behind on this

for NO good reason

i have a cool idea that i'm excited to do

but i always get nervous when i'm too tied to my idea

but i should get the fuck over it

DUH

3) either music or nachos

i want it to be music but i think it'll be nachos

i feel like i still need to be on a hiss & hum break

ok

that was a dave list

and

this has been the dave update

hell-lo

this thursday i'm djing for the sfbc bike to work day party

blogger thinks that 4 words are misspelled in that last sentence

but none in THAT last one

BLOGGER IS NOT A WORD, BLOGGER

don't give me any of this "one who blogs" crap

check your scrabble dictionary and SHUT THE FUCK UP

ha ha

anyways

i'm going through records right now and picking "dance party" hits

here are some titles i'm NOT bringing

whitehouse "cruise"

throbbing gristle "first annual report"

(yes, FIRST annual report)

(early demos)

sightings "michigan haters"

no matter what andy thinks i just don't think sightings is appropriate for djing

sorry kiddo

i'm going through n-z right now because they're closest to my bed

i love this we be echo record and sometimes i bring it out but i don't think it's right

here's what's in my box so far:

new order "power corruption and lies"

tom tom club s/t

that's pretty much it ha ha

i keep on getting distracted by records i haven't listened to in awhile

hey segun adewale what do you think about starting the party?

hm

this might be too weird

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh but it's soooooooooooo gooooooooooooooooooood

but it is too weird

maybe pile

this weekend was weird

i shot all day saturday

and then went to east nile

sunday i was supposed to finish up shooting in the elevator

but instead sunbathed in the nude

and got stoned at my soon to be home

shoot was cancelled so i figured i'd prepare for the shoot today

WHICH

by the way

young davers

if you think that going to a stranger's house

and taking your clothes off so he can take pictures of your naked body

might be weird

it's surprisingly not

it's surprisingly dull actually

because after your clothes are off

who fucking cares

it was fun but not fun like a roller coaster

but i got paid which was rad

and he just sent me scans of them

it is a little weird to see scans of them

they look AMAZING on little tin flats

but it's kind of weird to see me naked on my computer

not that weird though

i look SOOOOOOO EVILLLLLLL in one of them

i was trying to scowl for one

i look PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED

if you want to see them

510 575 HISS

or ihateyourartschool

gmail

and i will decide on a case-by-case basis

if i feel okay about you seeing me naked

ha ha

this is one dave contest i am confident no one will enter

what else

hm

segun adewale i like you but i'm not bringing you on thursday

sorry

ooh prince buster

when i buy reggae records i usually look for the most fucked up looking ones

those are the good ones

this one has the flimsiest sleeve

it rules

"the message"

probably too chill but i'm listening to it anyways

oh!

i had nachos for dinner tonight

because we were talking about weekend nachos at work

which is a band that probably sucks

but has an AMAZING name

i'd go see them

if only to get in the mood for nachos

mmmm

this weekend my parents are coming to town

and i might have both a shoot and a show on saturday

oops

whatever

they can deal i guess

sorry to still be on this naked trip right now

BUT

i have to say

as sort of dull as nude modeling is

sunbathing nude is GREAT

i'd never done it before

it feels cool, probably because it was right after i took a shower

like air drying

but like

air drying on MAX POWER

ha ha

tomorrow i'm supposed to be at work at 9

which is when i usually leave the house

it's probably not going to happen, i'll be honest

but my bo$$ says since one of the reps is leaving for like 2 1/2 weeks

i gotta start getting used to showing up earlier

he says if i get through this month and next on this new schedule

he'll give me a raise

but i told him i probably still wasn't going to be able to

ha ha ha

not TOTALLY a joke

i've been doing more stuff lately which has been cool

makes me feel better being alone

which is really good

um

i guess this is enough though i still sort of feel like talking

what else can i say

nachos

nachos

nachos

oh

an old roommate had a dog named nacho

he was a beagle hound

and really sweet though incredibly spoiled

that was when i was living with elaine

she found a stray terrier once

who was tiny

and had clearly been out on the streets for awhile

no teeth

super dirty

but really sweet

we took him in and bathed him and what not

he was SUCH a good dog

total sweetie pie

but still really pathetic looking without teeth

very lovable

i named him "big bear"

and i let him on the couch even though elaine would not have been pleased with it

ha ha

we were horrible roommates

kind of ruined our friendship but that's life

we're cool now

we swapped e-mails during my brief stint on facebook

i don't like facebook though

i like violating my own privacy thank you very much

ok

that's enough

this has been a slightly racy dave update

hi

no time

this has not really been a dave update

hi there

this is a short dave update

i've got nothing to say today

very tired

ok

this has been the dave update

hi everyone

i've had a really strange but good couple of days

i don't have much to say right now

it's a little late for a dave update

but i am feeling very good right now

well

good enough

like not really good and positive and what not

but i feel very

regular

is a word that makes it sound as though i am talking about my bowel movements

(which i'm not)

but i feel more like a person i guess

more like someone capable of feeling things

sort of

i'm not quite hitting the nail on the head here

i just feel kind of excited

no

satisfied

yes

that today i did a lot of things

some of which i enjoyed

and could have complained a bunch about a lot of things

but i didn't, not really

i just felt fine

i remembered to write the dave update tonight

because i kind of wanted to say hi to someone

but in like an indirect way

because my god people

if you think i bug you too much

or if i don't know you and you just think the dave updates are too long

this person gets the WORST of it

but is always really amazing to me

and i think that they are great

and i wanted to tell them that i was thinking about how much i really really appreciate them

but i instead decided to give them something of a present

and am choosing the most indirect and non-invasive/annoying way possible

to tell this sort of anonymous person

"hi, right now i'm in a good mood and i'm thinking about how much i appreciate you"

"i think probably the reason i bug you so much is because you make me happy"

"that's a weird sentence"

"i'm re-reading that out of context and it just doesn't make sense"

"anyways"

"what maybe i mean to say"

"is that something about you being alive makes me happy"

"and when i am bummed and when you are bummed and when we're both bummed"

"me saying hi to you and you saying hi back makes me happy"

"i am happy that you exist and that i've met you"

this is getting long but i'm trying to be cautious with my words

to protect the innocent ha ha

GOD i have never loved peanut butter so much

this is like the best candy i've never had

for those of you who haven't ever eaten peanut butter straight out of the jar

(with a spoon)

let me tell you

i understand your reticence

reticence?

yup reticence

(not retisence)

but you should really take the plunge

DO IT YOUNG DAVERS

i'm trying to use my name as a verb more

but i'm also trying to choose WHEN i use my name as a verb

very cautiously

to protect the humor i suppose

ok

this is probably enough

this has been a late-night dave update

hi there

we are listening to some wacky tunes here at work right now

courtesy of the LAFMS

i think

this is apparently another pick from the uli vault

which i now feel the need to browse because all the stuff he's been playing has been KILLER

last night i met a really really striking girl

i'm not sure if striking is really the right word but i was definitely "struck"

mostly it was the eyes which i know is a total cliche but...

they looked like marbles

a little foggy

i felt weird because i kept staring and i'm sure she noticed

but they were just so unique, i'd never seen eyes like those

anyways

her name was nguyen and she was friends with stefan

who i met up with last night at some show at lobot that wasn't very good

a lot of gear boners but a lot of musical blue balls

(sorry for that metaphor)

i don't know

i'm not really in a place where crushes are exciting in the least

more frustrating than anything

but it was actually exciting to meet that girl

it's always nice to meet someone who seems genuinely different and interesting

especially nice for me right now since i need some new people in my life

anyways

i'm not writing a missed connection or anything right now

i'm just doing a dave update

and that's what i'm thinking about right now

and now i just got the song "love und romance" in my head

"it's such a laugh, now we are one!"

i wonder what i really think of love now

i used to be such an absurd romantic

now i don't really feel that way

and it's not like a "getting older" development

way more recent than that

and way less gradual

i think i'm maybe too disagreeable for love

in the way that some people have gastrointestinal problems

that prevent them from liking indian food

wow this record is definitely NOT from the uli vault

this has "potsie private press" written all over it

i think i'm probably too old to wonder what life has in store for me

but i do regardless

i mean i get the whole "making your own destiny" whatever shit

but i can't help but think whatever "destiny"

(ugh)

i make for myself

some wrench will derail those plans

like, if i decide to sell everything and move to paris and become a writer

my plane will definitely crash on the way there

and i'll wind up legless on an island arguing philosophy with coconuts

(who are smarter than they look)

if i decide to persue stand-up comedy

i'll have a very hard 2 years

where no one laughs at anything i say

but then suddenly people realize that all of my jokes have

(unbeknownst to me)

been thinly coded political messages

and i will be assassinated for preaching the TRUTH

but no one will really care because i never got on the tonight show

lately i've been weighing the "skip town and make up a fake name" option

"skip town, make up a fake name, take a manual labor job in some town where people mind their own damn business, befriend the bartender who is 20 years my senior, have an awkward and sad sexual encounter with her, get free/discounted drinks for the rest of my life, die, have a barstool named after me and leave behind a bartender who gets a little teary any time thin lizzy comes on the jukebox"

option

seems better than whatever the hell i've been doing now

wow

waylon jennings is singing a song right now

"think i'm gonna kill myself"

i feel like i'm at that bar already

this one's on me gents

this has been the dave update

hi there

today i feel tired

i got this sleepy time tea

because i'm still not drinking

but it doesn't really put me to sleep

just makes me more tired in the morning

i think i'm taking it upside down

i had weird dreams last night

i mean i guess it was all one dream but it was just all over the place

i was travelling with people

and then alone

just, all over

everything that was possible happened in my dream last night

but honestly i don't remember much of it

we're listening to herb albert right now at work

"rise"

every time that guitar part comes in i wanna just say UNGH

like biggie smalls

other people appear to be able to resist this temptation with no problems

just one more way i am different from you lot

"birthdays was the worst days"

"now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay"

love that line

i also like that in a song he reps super nintendo/sega genesis

because it's funny to me to picture biggie sitting on a white leather couch

flanked by sexy ladies

playing super mario cart

or sonic the hedgehog

and getting really into it

maybe he was a total nerd and we didn't know

maybe he was all about final fantasy

i got hooked on that game, i'm not gonna lie

WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT???

hm

ok

these last few dave updates have not been my best

although i do really really like the one about eating cornbread "angrily"

i've been drinking so much root beer lately

i like it but i don't like to drink soda

bad for the teef

i am constantly concerned about my teef

oh i'm supposed to have a dentist appt soon, can't remember what day

he's gonna be pissed i'm smoking again

i think pissed is probably a bit strong of a word there

he's gonna not really care that i'm smoking again

that's better

yawn

yawn a dawn

doop a doop

beep gleep dweep

bubble bubble

sigh

this is my life

this has been the dave update

hey

hm

welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

i guess i still have stories from this weekend

and my ON SCREEN DEBUT ha ha

but i don't really want to tell them

i was kind of hoping that people would ask to hear them to be frank

like, "hey craig how was your trip to tahiti?"

or "hey dave how'd it go this weekend?"

but no one yet

which isn't an attempt to guilt trip anyone or anything

i think the one person who reads the dave update has bigger things to think about

AT repressed Dog Faced Hermans "Those Deep Buds" on LP

which I'm excited about

and that might be all i have to say?

went for a long walk last night

i like to get stoned and go for walks lately

this will probably change when i move back to the city

but for now i'm into it

WHOA

i read about this in arthur russell's biography but never figured i'd hear it

http://soundcloud.com/garylucas/second-edition-vin-diesel-vs

this is an arthur russell/VIN DIESEL collaboration

yes that vin diesel

insane

how exciting, it's supposed to be TERRIBLE

that derailed me completely!

ok

anyways

yesterday i walked around for awhile and kept singing this song i've been "working on"

it's kind of a neil young rip-off

a little bit "only love will break your heart"

a little bit "don't let it bring you down"

i think i want to record it with just drums and hi-hat

and a TOUCH of guitar

i overheard someone talking on the phone about this lecture they went to

and they sounded like me 5 years ago

hyper-critical and completely closed off to possibility

he was like "and then the guy said something like"

"'you must try and build a building that has unconditional love'"

"and 'there's mental illness in the world because no one builds their own buildings'"

"'you all should try and build a log cabin'"

"and i was asking practical questions like what are some techniques to build a building that has unconditional love"

"but he was just crazy"

sounds like you're the problem buddy

that's why i hate school, everyone just wants someone else to give them THE ANSWER

when there are no answers

EEEEEEE we're listening to it now!

so excited!

wow it's pretty crappy

it really sounds like arthur russell is totally bored

he keeps changing the beat all over

vin diesel doesn't sound as horrible as i thought he would though

ok i've been writing this dave update for way longer than i should be

back to work

this has been the dave update

hi

ok

no

hm

hello

i don't know what to say here today

this next month is gonna be looooooonnnnnnnnnnng

someone moved into our house who i actually said 'no' to

but since i'm moving out next month i guess my opinion doesn't matter

i'm pretty sure this is some girl my roommate has a crush on

because he went nuts cleaning the house before she showed up

which makes me just wanna take a dump in the middle of the kitchen ha ha

but they are acting like i've already moved out and don't even live there

he threw away this sheet that i was using for a curtain on a window in the common area

which i was actually going to use in my new room but i guess not any more

this is gonna suck

they just ignore me when i'm around

i think i'm going to set their stupid "gardening project" on fire

or do something equally destructive

because fuck them

i mean i get that i'm a lame duck but wait a fucking month before you start changing everything i've done to the place

ugh

ok

i'm annoyed

what else is new

i'm gonna just get back to work i guess

i think i'm gonna get fired but WHATEVER

i just can't get up in time for work

because waking up is HARD

i don't even go out, lately i'm in bed before midnight

but again

waking up is HARD

tonight i'm getting back on my clean regiment

i took 2 days off

because i was depressed and tired

but tonight i'm taking a shower and shaving

i should get shampoo too, all out

oh!

today's payday

that will help me buy shampoo

good.

i love it when the dave update ends on a good note

if you'd like me to buy you something today

510 575 HISS

this has been the dave update

hi, sorry

one last try

after i wrote the last one

i went for an "angry" walk

and i went to whole foods

and shopped "angrily"

and then on the "angry" walk home

i thought "angrily"

about how silly it was that right now

i'm eating cornbread

"angrily"

and drinking root beer

"angrily"

and i felt better

this has been a last ditch dave update

hello again

i guess i'm probably going to go with option 3 from earlier

it's been a weird day

on the way home from angel camp

i was driving and listening to new order

and was really really into it

even though as i continued listening to the bbc sessions i realized that a lot of the songs were kind of crappy

like "bizarre love triangle" was all over the place

anyways

i was into it at the time

and suddenly i just started yelling at people i'm upset with

i won't talk about what i said, it doesn't matter

it was all completely over the top anyways

afterwards i put on portishead and just scowled for the rest of the drive

that live at roseland album is really good by the way

for listening to and for scowling to

i don't know where any of it came from

today i saw someone carrying these tupperware dishes

and he gave me a kind of crooked look

and i thought about smacking the tupperware dishes out of his hands

i always think about stuff like that anyways

mostly for the humor in it

even though i guess it's not really funny

i do think everyone in the world always being upset at each other is kind of funny though

especially if everyone is really petty about it

but i mean isn't everyone upset with each other already?

maybe?

maybe not

i thought about driving and yelling though

(after tupperware dude gave me a stink eye)

and it made me think

"uh oh"

"i think i'm going to start doing these absurd things now"

"and not really have any control over it"

i talked to a friend i haven't talked to in awhile yesterday

and this friend is having a hard time

and we talked for awhile

and then on bart i decided i would text her a bunch

mostly with nonsense

like

"i don't think i like asians, does that make me racist?"

(that's a whole other dave update by the way)

because i was bored

and then she sent me a really angry text message telling me to stop

and she just texted me now

and it said:

"Dave! Why is it so hard for you to respect boundries?"

for the record i don't think it is

(hard for me to respect boundries)

but i guess it is

days like these are the reason why i feel like i should just stop talking

i do think it's a good idea but i just can't do it

god i'm gonna have to start inventing names for the dave update

because i keep on wanting to reference different people but without talking about them

ok from now on any time i say a name it's not really a name

i'm sure that i will stick with this

hm

i have a lot of stories to tell but i don't want to tell any of them

i think i want to move

i think the bay area doesn't like me

right now i'm looking for another part of more i than no to post

because i feel like i promised an actual update

but i don't want to talk at all

but i'll feel like a liar if i don't post something

ok

here's one

it makes no sense out of context

but yes

the ...........s and []s are part of it

............[i am tied to you like a dent in a spear].........................
............[i am tied to you like a scratch in a mirror].....................

the end

hm

i still don't feel done

i wonder if there's anything else i can post

here are some words

boredom heat and vision

glacial torries

kindling piss-ant

nyquil distance

blah i hate this dave update

this is the worst one yet

this has been the worst dave update yet

hi

no dave update today

i will write something tonight if my computer doesn't explode

here's a list of potential topics

1. a conversation from yesterday that reminded me why i love smoking

2. a list of things i hate about my current roommate

3. potpourri

this has not really been the dave update

hi there

sorry, missed yesterday

yesterday i drove to angel camp CA

and played tim

(tom?)

in a short film

it was my first time on "film"

though i think it was all digital

it was fun

i'm not sure if i'm a good actor

whatever

it was cool

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

i don't want to talk

this has been the dave update