hi everyone

this is probably going to be a kind of moody dave update

but DON'T WORRY

it probably won't be that much of a downer

i am going on tour soon

my first real tour wow how adorable

i am working on some stuff before leaving

and in the process of literally waiting for paint to dry

i started counting all the things i've done as hiss & hum

and found i needed to write them down

so i said to myself

*hey why not do a dave update 'bout it*

then i said

*nah that sounds like an annoying dave update*

so i said

*well just give it a kinda funny disclaimer*

and here we are

hopefully the asterisks sold it

(they usually do!)

 anyways

in the past uhhhhhh like 8 years of hiss & hum

(and the like 3 years prior as a variety of different names)

(my favorite one being)

("women of country music")

i have released

4 full-length cassettes...

(3 audio and 1 VHS cassette)

...which i consider to be "proper" albums

("proper" meaning centered around a theme maybe?)

(that's vague but i'm not exactly sure what i mean by it either)

((the formatting for those 3 lines above the prior 2))

((took SOOOOO LONGGGG to put together))

very soon to be 3 split cassettes

(though jacy actually put one of them out)

and i believe 37 individual shut-in tapes

(no idea on the AV count there)

i've also recorded

(and completed)

a number of releases for other labels that were never released

which i'm going to list below

because this is the whole reason i'm doing this dave update

this is the list i needed to write out because i can't remember them all

1

the D.I.M. ep

originally intended as an audio-only vhs release for celine dion

later turned into a audio visual collaboration with nightmare city

then even later turned into a audio visual collaboration

between hiss & hum and nightmare city

now i don't care if it comes out

even though it has one of my favorite songs on it

"ironade"

it's on the internet if you are interested

ihateyourartschool.bandcamp.com/album/d-i-m-e-p

hahahahaha

boy i bet that's gonna rack up my traffic on bandcamp

i should have called that ep casualmeetup.com

2

leaves like lice ep

this was supposed to be released by two thousand tapes

but i don't really think george had any interest

i think he said he would do it

because i was starting to have shows at my house

and he wanted to be able to book stuff there

and once i had to stop having house shows

he figured he didn't need to return e-mails

3 & 4

jeweler's loupe &

...

holy shit

i don't remember the name of the other one!

shit shit shit

i remember it had something to do with future malls

because every time i listened to it i thought of stop-motion hovering robots

going shopping and hating their lives

they had the posture of like

dead bodies being jet-pack propelled

where their shoulders are being lifted above their necks

i can't remember it, jeez

these were both for a remix project that jacy was gonna do

he really wanted to do remixes

that were fit to certain lengths

so i made these two...

i guess compositions?

layered improv stuff

this was when the crappy digital 8-track that i have

didn't have my headphone adapter broken off

in the headphone jack

so i would mic this practice amp at low volumes

and record all night in my tenderloin apartment

i recorded a 20 minute long one

(that's the one i can't remember the name of)

and jacy said "oh wait i meant i had c-20s"

"not 20 minutes per side"

"10 per side"

so i recorded jeweler's loupe

which was 10 minutes

and jacy said "oh i don't think i have those tapes any more"

5

untitled c-90(!)

this was when i was still women of country music

and a guy in arizona had just started a tape label

called workout tapes i think

he asked me to do something for it

i think probably not expecting that i would actually record something

i spent the next month making stuff in my bedroom in berkeley

wanting to finish the tape before i had to move out of my sublet

i didn't even have a 4-track or anything

i was just plugging my guitar into my stereo's mic input

(the stereo itself being a karaoke machine)

(that i STILL HAVE)

(AND USE)

had that thing since like 8th grade

that's what $10 used to buy ya

you kids don't know

anyways

i sent him the tape in the mail

and he never ever brought it up

never answered my calls

so long john ryan

TECHNICALLY THOUGH

this tape did sort of see a release

i put it out when i played my first show as hiss & hum

which was in the bay area

BUT it was only half of the tape

because i didn't have any c-90s

so i just used whatever tapes i had around

and let it cut off wherever it cut off

i think i made 12 of them

i wonder if i should listen to it?

i made KA listen to recordings of a band i was in before any of this stuff

because i was curious to hear it myself

and it was AWFUL

jeeeeeeeeeeeeez

so bad

too bad too because i know that band was good

but just such a character-less recording

sounded over-clean and underwhelming ha ha

"over-clean and underwhelming" sounds like a great book

SO

this is the point where the disclaimer kicks in i think?

ha ha

as though ANYONE is still reading this ridiculously long dave update

so i started thinking shit like

JEEEEZ what am i doing wrong

i've put out literally more releases

than actual dollars made

on said releases

i'm not even talking profit here

i've made under $20 on hiss & hum "product"

the total views for my entire youtube channel

(even counting the clipd beaks video)

(seven lies videos)

(rxccxxns video)

(and my only recorded stand-up performance)

(and all the dave updates that no one watches)

((i'm pretty sure i'm the only one that thinks that idea is funny))

((which is fine because to me it is really really funny))

when combined with my total plays on bandcamp

is SIGNIFICANTLY less

than the number of views that the casualmeetup.com dave update

(which got like 4000 views)

(and counting)

i mean

hiss & hum is at a point

where people who i haven't seen in awhile

will say "hey still playing music?"

and i'll say "yup"

and they'll say "wow that's cool that you're still going for it"

as though i am a teenager who still wants to be a super-hero

please note that i did not say "a person who i haven't seen in awhile"

i said "people"

(more than 6 but less than a dozen)

(rob, henri, sarah, warren, different sarah, eric, alex, more)

for whatever reason during typing all this

i thought about a story i heard about the typewriter

and why the typewriter

(and of course today's computer keyboards)

(even smart phones and what not)

has the qwerty style arrangement of keys

it was advertised as a researched way of making it faster to type

but it was NOT

the early typewriter models

(at least according to this article)

were arranged in the same 3 rows

but in alphabetical order

and people would type so quickly with it

that the primitive machinery would quickly jam up

now however many years later

people still have to take typing classes

to get the hang of this whole qwerty thing

but no one really minds

so while i might be a total fuck-up who everyone hates

i like what i do

and y'all bitches are just gonna have to get used to it

and with that i drop the microphone

this has maybe been the longest dave update ever

hey y'all

what's a-shakin

can't remember why i came onto the dave update tonite

but hope y'all are "well"

whole lotta y'all in this update

good or bad?

history will tell

i'm not webcasting this dave update

i still think the video thing is very funny

but it's kind of a pain to do

i mean

not really

but

bahhhhhhhhhhhhh what the fuck ever

this story isn't even worth the time

dave update:  now only sometimes with video

since 20-shut-up

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

oh man why didn't i do video for THIS one

20-shut-up just made me laugh SO HARD

ok

this dave update is a mile a minute

i am going to stop for a moment

and remember that quick thought is no thought

that sounds deep as hell even though i just thought of it

and that is ironic because those two sentences completely contradict themselves

but it still makes me laugh

...

jeez this is a strange dave update already

ok dave

take a moment

...

dear readers

it's been so long since i've talked to you i feel

time moves slowly lately, but i think probably in a good way?

i feel like i don't get as much done in a day

but that seems fine

either way things that happened three days ago

seem like they are from another lifetime ago

that sounds like an overstatement but weirdly it's not

WOW WHAT A PLOT TWIST

but yeah, another lifetime ago

i am sure many of you dear readers

were thoroughly different people when you were younger

for me i like to think of it as

*segregated levels*

(i put that in between asterisks)

(because i felt like if i said it out loud i would say it in my idiot voice)

(frequent readers of the dave update are familiar with the concept of the idiot voice)

(but only frequent talkers with dave are actually familiar with the idiot voice itself)

((long sentences for this update))

((sorry?))

((NOT SORRY))

...

dear readers

sorry to get off track

it's loud in here

all i mean to say

is that i think of the difference

between who i was when i was young

and who i am now

as different lifetimes

and lately

three days feels like a different lifetime

i have so much real life stuff to update you with!

but not today

and probably not for awhile anyways

now that i don't have an office job i can't really claim to be getting paid to write these

(that's another dave update *deep cut*)

((FUCK YOU I HAVE LIKE 400 OF THESE))

((I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE DEEP CUTS))

ok i'm going to end it with this

last night i saw the worst dancer i have ever seen in my life

it was like watching a tv show

about people who have just done a lot of cocaine

for the very first time

and now they have to figure out how best to embarrass themselves

this show sounds great!

and honestly this dancing was so bad it was absolutely fascinating

like a national geographic special

about white people

which you know is gonna be worth checking out

because white people gotta do something really weird

for it to actually be note-worthy

(i told that joke earlier and it KILLED)

(but maybe the context was different)

(doesn't seem so funny now)

here's another one

it was like someone was hosting an infomercial

about their new twist on popping and locking

that improves on the chief problem of popping and locking

which is of course:

"not annoying enough"

also

this infomercial takes place in a garage

and there are no cameras

and i think the entire family that lives in the house attached to this garage?

i'm pretty sure that they all sneak in here and masturbate

at least that's what it smells like

OK I THINK WE'VE GONE TOO FAR

this has certainly been an unusual dave update!

all over the place, i tell ya

hey y'all

death to infidels

this has been the dave update