hello again

sometimes when i'm at work i just read "random posts" of the dave update

my relationship with myself is probably not unlike lena dunham's relationship with us weekly

because i bet she'd talk nothing but shit about it

but she reads it ALL THE TIME

and hates herself for it

not sure why i'm picking lena dunham here for this analogy

hm

young davers

was that an analogy//metaphor//simile?

I KNOW THE ANSWER

(or i think i do)

(but now i'm second guessing myself)

and if you do too that number again is 510 575 HISS

1st right answer gets tickets to winger, this weekend at sleep train pavilion

ha ha

I WISH

1st right answer gets to share a bottle of wine with me

drinking more wine lately

today i feel a little more crazy than usual

but probably not because of wine

probably because life is hard to understand

and also because apparently ryan gosling wore this same outfit better than me

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW US WEEKLY?

life is not an outfit-wearing contest

siiiiiiiigh

the new year has started with me crying a lot

but not in a sad way or anything

in a "wait, am i crying?  why the hell am i crying suddenly?" kind of way

ugh my hands are so fucking cold in this stupid fucking office

HOPE I DON'T CRY ABOUT IT

siiiiiiiiigh AGAIN

the 301st dave update is nowhere near as good as the 300th dave update

what's wrong with me today?

if you know the answer to that

510 575 HISS

1st right answer gets absolutely anything they want

that doesn't involve me cutting off a body part

that's it, that's my only limitation

i don't want to cut off a toe because you came up with a dumb joke to that question

(but i also totally do want to hear that dumb joke)

(make it funny, bitches)

(that's the name of a game show i came up with)

(competitive riffing)

(that's all i'll tell you for now)

ok

practice makes perfect

but apparently not when it comes to dave updating

this has been an imperfect dave update