hello

how are you?

i'm better thank you

yesterday was surprisingly dark

but then it got better, eventually

this sink in my room business is seriously great

i'm not sure why it's something where i need to grant myself permission to just hang out in my room

but now when i'm hanging out in my room

i can feel better about it

because i can brush my teeth or something

that's weird to say out loud

what's wrong with me?

suddenly i feel kind of silly about this

WHATEVER

hm

in any case

today i am very clean

and it feels good

i mean i'm currently flossed

oh!

that reminds me of a new slang term

my brother and i were talking the other night

(that's a whole different story, jeez)

but he was telling me about how he and his girlfriend were arguing about something

and he decided to just end the argument or whatever

and i can't remember exactly how he put it

or what he really said

but what i heard was

"so i decided, fuck being right or whatever"

"who really cares"

"so i ended the argument with some joke"

"and everything was FLOSS"

i thought that sounded so cool

i mean floss just slides right out of yr teeth

like

boom

slide

done

flosssssssss

niiiiiiiice

i watched "in the soup" last night for the first time in awhile

i'd forgotten how good it was

hm

lately i don't really feel inspired to write good dave updates

i blame you, young davers

how many contests do i have to have on this damn blog

before some stranger calls my phone number looking to chat?

you disappoint me internet

i'll leave you with this one thought

the other day i referred to the internet as "psychic tobacco"

because it's addictive and unhealthy

i stand by this metaphor

if you disagree

five

one

oh

five

seven

five

HISS

sucka

let's argue about it because you will LOSE

this has been the dave challenge

hello there

i told myself i was gonna write a dave update today

but i feel like i don't really have a lot to say

maybe i'll do a general health update

maybe this will be like the episode in whatever dramatic series

where they realize they're getting really deep in all the characters

and it's impossible for anyone to catch up

so they spend the whole episode getting the audience back up to speed

let's see

ok

ONE

been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately

mostly just getting to bed

i've been getting weird bursts of energy at like 11 pm

where i just won't even have a chance of getting to bed within the next 3 hours

last night i got to bed early-ish

but woke up 3 times throughout the night

TWO

been doing a lot of plumbing lately

including installing a sink in my room

that's exciting for me but i think everyone who i tell about it really doesn't give a shit

i honestly don't know what's so exciting about it for me

but it IS

so there

THREE

incredibly sexually frustrated lately

i mean this is nothing new

regular readers of the dave update certainly don't need to be told this

but either way it's a distraction

it's not even so much the sex part i'm realizing lately

it's just the contact

right now more than sex i just want to hang out with someone's head in my lap

(NOT LIKE THAT)

or my head in someone's lap

(NOT LIKE THAT)

or arm in arm

or whatever

bleh

enough

FOUR

corn tortillas are delicious

FIVE

fuck this list nonsense

i'm over it

i don't like this dave update at all

hello

today seems hard

i haven't woken up this tired in awhile

which is a little funny

because last night i had to force myself to go to bed

and after not being able to sleep for awhile

i almost got back out of bed because i said to myself

"fuck it, clearly i'm not done with today and who cares about tomorrow"

"gonna be tired either way"

but i stayed in bed and went to sleep

eventually

and then woke up today feeling pretty shitty

i REALLY don't have much to do today

i mean there's always stuff i CAN do but i REALLY don't want to do a thing today

i have a drs appt at 1:30

i don't know why i always insist on writing drs appt

doctor's appointment

that's not that hard to type

but i like the way drs appt looks

looks like that's how it was written in my datebook

(not that i have a datebook)

(i got one once and was really into it)

(for about 2 weeks)

(OOPS!)

i had some deep thoughts last night

by jack handey

not really

but i thought about a few things in my life

that are causing me conflict

and last night i TOTALLY KNEW how to solve all of them

but today i'm not so sure

quitting my job was definitely part of it

but i don't really know if i can quit

i need $$$$$

bleh

enough of this

got work to pretend to do

got a drs appt at 1:30

see you jerks later

this has been the dave update

hi there

"little late for a dave update, don't you think?"

fuck you

go to hell

i do what i feel

i was talking with

*julie*

of penelopepopsicle.com

a blog that has brought NINE people to the dave update

julie c - payin it forward

and i decided maybe i should write a dave update about what we were talking about

this weekend my bandmate texted me

to see if i wanted to practice

and

you know how sometimes when you smoke a little weed

and get a little TOO stoned

but it only lasts for like a minute

and then you feel fine?

well

he texted me right during that minute

so without really thinking about it

i went into my room and hid my phone under my bed

after a little time went by i decided to go for a bike ride

i've been watching too much tv lately

i blame supernatural

it's taking over our house

which is scary because we already have a witch dog

our dog noche can OPEN DOORS

if that doesn't say witch dog i don't know what does

but lately i've been going for bike rides when i've been watching too much tv

it's like taking a shower right after work

you finish it and you feel like you've hit a reset button

it's helpful

but i wish my reset button left me clean and fresh

oh well

can't have it all

i had a good conversation this weekend with a friend of mine

that's been happening a lot lately

i've been having unexpected in-depth conversations with old friends

it's a very good thing i think

i enjoy it

but we had a talk about how necessary human contact is

to our mental health

i think "our" is the appropriate word there

because i think it applies for pretty much everyone

at least everyone in my western late 20s demographic i guess

i guess i have no way of really knowing how universal that statement is

how on earth would i?

it's for the best i guess, makes other people all the more interesting

right?

right?

hm

i was thinking that story about hiding my phone under my bed would open up more doors

but it's proving to not be the fountain of rambles i thought it might be

i can't wait to find a damn sink

life will be great when i have a sink in my room

and don't have to go all the way DOWNSTAIRS

to brush my teeth

ha ha ha

EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE WHEN THIS HAPPENS

that's all i have to say

EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE

this has been a dave update (now with foreshadowing)

hello again

how are you?

good

thanks for dropping by

the new pumice record is really good

maybe i should move to new zealand

although i hear it's kind of depressing

sounds good to me

they say seattle is depressing too but i've never been

i've been to portland a few times

i like portland but i also hate portland

i just hate when you can tell something is from portland

i guess i'm talking specifically about music

i don't know

it just seems like portland kids are trying way too fucking hard

i just heard about some record by the portland cello ensemble

where they cover a bunch of contemporary rap songs

and just the concept makes me want to hit things

fuck you portland

your downtown is eerie

too clean

i like how there's no sales tax there though

god i love this song!

pumice is the best

i just love the sound of his records

they sound so.....

hm

i wanted to say fresh but that sounds too hip-hop

fresh like newborn

but not newborn

that sounds too precious i think

WHATEVER

pumice rules and you should listen to him

the end

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

oh!

i made crispy tacos last night and they were so fucking good

i've also told everyone i know about how good they were

you want my advice young davers?

learn how to make spanish rice

because you make one big pot

and then you have like a zillion different options for leftover dinners

i made rice on either tuesday or wednesday

and i made nachos

stuffed peppers

and crispy tacos

and STILL have some left

ok

this has been the dave update

hi there

dave update

wa-hoo

this one is sort of "by request"

not that someone was like

HEY WRITE ME A DAVE UPDATE BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BESSSSSSTTTTTTTTTT

but because someone was like

"hey i think it's funny that you've been calling some dave updates dave down-dates"

and i realized that i've been taking credit for someone else's joke

young davers

"dave down-date" is not my joke

my friend julie came up with it

because she asked for a personal dave update

(again, not like HEY WRITE ME A DAVE UPDATE BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BESSSSSSTTTTTTTTTT)

(more like "dave update please")

(which)

(while i appreciate the excitement of the all caps request)

(let's be real)

(no one should be that excited for a dave update)

(also the word "please" is always appreciated)

(it's called manners people)

anyways

she asked for a personal dave update

and i gave her one

but i was in a shitty mood

so after i was finished she was like

MORE LIKE DAVE DOWN-DATE

and i thought that was funny

so i stole it

sorry julie

hey young davers

go check out julie's photo tumblr

penelopepopsicle.tumblr.com

and get to know her in general

she's cool

in fact it's possible that you are only reading this

because she linked to the dave update from her blog

the other time i told a story that had her in it

it was the one about how she actually thought my cat was my girlfriend

hm

what else was i supposed to do marissa???

oh yeah

here are links to hagar the womb songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F__a2Y712Ws

actually fuck it

i don't feel like posting a bunch of related videos when they're all on the same page anyways

that song is the best bee tea dubs

enjoy it

even if you are not marissa

ok

i could rant on some other shit right now but let's keep this cheery

this has been the dave UPdate

hello warlords

warthogs

wildmen

wegetarians

today i am feeling a little odd

hard to describe exactly but

it's one of those days where i feel like i might break something

but not in a like

I'M SO ANGRY way

but just in a

i'm bored, let's see what happens when i drop this way

my last therapy session ended on a really strange note

it was kind of a bummer session all around

but at the end i said something like

"that's just this bullshit life, keeps going on and on"

or something like that

(i like cussing with my therapist)

(she'll cuss back)

(i know that's not really that special a thing)

(but she does it in an australian accent)

(it's very refreshing)

(ha ha)

anyways

i said that and we just sat and stared for a little while

and then she said "we have to stop"

(our time was up)

maybe i should be worried about people reading all of this

i mean i think if i read this and didn't know me

i probably wouldn't have a good feeling about me

definitely wouldn't call me

well

maybe i would

i mean just for the story

i'm applying for an adult film right now

it sounds funny to me because it's described as

"a short independent adult film"

which makes it sound more like an art school project than anything

i don't imagine they'll write me back

but it'd be funny if they did

sigh

i wonder what would happen if i just knocked my monitor off my desk

this has been another dave down-date

hello there

it's dave

i feel much less grumpy than yesterday

even though everything is all the same

maybe it's because i've decided to install a sink in my room

if i can install a dishwasher i can do a sink too goddamnit

it's raining

i love the rain

but it's annoying that i'll have to bart to my drs appt

this is a pretty exciting update so far

what else should i talk about?

still need to hang up my laundry

let's make this the most boring dave update yet

boy don't you hate it when you're not sure what speed a record should be at?

i mean

these days you only really have 2 options

one is 33

the other is 45

hey taxes sure are boring aren't they?

still haven't done mine

hm

i wonder how long i can hold my breath

i used to be able to do it for well over a minute

these days probably not though

i'm not going to try

sounds a little risky for a tuesday

ugh

me trying to be boring is just annoying

this is becoming the most annoying dave update yet

let's talk poetry

i like it when poets get really deep

so deep that they can't capitalize their i's

THAT'S DEEP BABY

in my language

"come to my poetry slam this weekend"

is code for

"i don't really like people and would prefer to die alone"

ha ha

that's an old joke but i like it

I WROTE THAT SHIT

in yr face

you non-joke-writing prick

where's yr funny?

NOWHERE

SUCKA

ooh bagel time

i hate when cream cheese is all crumbly

they should call it crumbly cheese

ha ha

YES

TWO JOKES

DAVE 2

YOU ZEROOOOOOOOOO

this dave update is just ANNOYING

hi there

today i feel like a ghost

this weekend i got a haircut

and i installed a dishwasher

and i watched too much tv

and i recorded a bunch of junk

now i'm at work

and i forgot my headphones

and i was an hour late

because daylight savings time makes no fucking sense to me

i feel tired and hardly here

i have a tendency to inflate things in my mind

it's very frustrating

but i'll somehow allow myself to believe i have things i don't

and then i try and act on them

and it's like i've lost something

even though i've never had it//them//whatever

i'm tired of it

i'm gonna stop writing because this is just going to be another annoying rant

about how shitty life is and how i have no one to blame but my shitty self

what do masturbation and procrastination have in common?

they're both fun until you realize

you're just fucking yrself

(i think i've probably told that joke before)

this has been yet another dave down-date

hi there

i'm in a strange mood today

maybe "dire" is the right way to describe it?

no

too gloomy

troubled?

no

i'm not feeling so dark but i definitely have a strange foreboding feeling

the last therapy session i had ended with a metaphor

and as often happens in my sessions it was something of a double-edged metaphor

in that my therapist and i saw decidedly different things

i was describing a crumbling empty shell

she was describing a chicken in an egg

i felt like this story was gonna go somewhere

but looks like maybe not

hm

my friend is reading that "ethical slut" book

and it reminded me of a polyamory workshop i went to

hosted by one wendy-o-matic

it seemed like a particularly relevant memory actually

because lately i look at the "gift of my affection"

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

i've been having such trouble describing what i mean lately

but "gift of my affection" was too ridiculous to not use

anyways

lately i look at the GOMA as something of a curse

shit our meeting is in like 8 minutes

i wanna smoke

i'll finish this later

but it'll be a seamless transistion to you!

HOLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY SHITTTTTTTTTTTT

wowza

i went for a smoke

and then came back and just worked

and didn't notice this dave update until i was about to leave

wow

it's the next day now

i started this one on the 8th

but it's now the 9th

!!!

and it's still a seamless transition!!

gee wiley

ka boom

i'm gonna re-read this one because i don't even remember what i was talking about

oh yeah

GOMA

i gotta come up with something different to call that

GOMA is funny but it's just too ridiculous

i have this accent that i sometimes slip into

when i'm saying something that's either not really in my vernacular

or when i'm saying something i just think is a little stupid

i call it my "idiot voice"

GOD DAMN this coffee is hitting the spot

anyways

GOMA is definitely something i'd say in my idiot voice

my idiot voice sounds like i'm apologizing for having to say what i am saying while i am saying it

like i'm saying "sorry i'm saying this but this is what happens when you're friends with an idiot!"

"tee hee hee"

ANYWAYS

i actually do remember what train of thought i was on when i left this

lately it seems like when i like someone it's something that i should probably apologize for

like "sorry, i'm gonna be hanging around here for awhile"

"you'll get used to me, it'll be fine"

ha ha

louis ck has some bit where he's talking about how his looks have never gotten him anything

and how some dudes are so good looking that women just look at them and think

"oh wow i need to fuck that guy"

and they don't even have to do anything

just sit there and not say anything TOO stupid

but when he meets a girl he has to be like

(referring to his appearance)

"i know, i know, but just hear me out ok?"

(obviously it's much funnier when he does it)

but that's kind of how i feel with people lately

why does everything i say lately have some louis ck bit that it relates to???

weird grammar in that last sentence

ANYWAYS

JESUS CHRIST

i'm just spinning in circles right now

ok

all i was trying to say is that the lesson i took from that polyamory workshop

is that if you

like me

are a person who is constantly feeling fond of people

you should embrace that

because fondness is not really worth hiding

it's worth sharing

so long as you don't overshare it to the point of it losing it's "market value"

supply and demand people

it's no joke

this has been a kind of confusing dave update

i don't really know what to make of it

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

hello there

i had a strange day yesterday

strange but often lovely weekend too

today i feel very bad

GOD fuck you google i don't want to give you my phone number!

jeeeeeeeeez

google, if you were a person

not only would you be insufferably nosy

but you would realize that my phone number is all over the internet

and would stop bugging me for it

ugh

yesterday i decided two things

i decided 1) march is going to be a month of ACTION

stefan supported this decision by giving me a slogan for my month of ACTION

"march into action, dave!"

yes!

ACTION!

i spent most of the day thinking up ideas and not working at all

and thinking of things i want to do and how deep into them i could get

ideas that started as simple things but just started branching out into these really wide concepts

not even like bullshitty high concept stuff

totally natural ideas but just little things that had endless potential

and i ate tacos and they were pretty good

(but no beans in them?? what the hell)

all day i was stuck at work thinking about how i could march into ACTION

i went home eventually too tired to even remember that slogan

i lay on my bed and looked at things and tried to stir up that same passion for ACTION

but everything seemed stupid

i made risotto but i overcooked it and added too many spices

why wouldn't a spice jar have a lid with holes in it?????

it makes no sense

every time i use our italian seasoning i put too much in

because i always forget there's no lid

whoa

pud upside down is pnd

sorry

distracted

anyways

last night i also decided 2) that march is probably going to be the same as every month

it just started out really well

and now is going to probably turn to shit

i just started getting all these "big dreams" but

i just think no matter what i do

hm

i don't know how to quite say what i mean here

ok

a story

every time i record something

i have a sound in mind

and then what actually gets recorded

is invariably very different

is it better?

is it worse?

sometimes it's both

but there is consistently a distance between the idea and the outcome

sometimes more lengthy than others

lengthy?

i'm goin with it

am i on a roll here?

am i making sense?

that last little bit sounded really profound

i'm tired of being so dumb and dave-y

i don't want to keep living this stupid life

this has been an all too typical dave down-date

hi there

holy shit

one of my new "search keywords"

is "dad fuck mom on bed"

WHAT THE FUCK

i can say with 100000000000% certitude

that prior to now

"dad fuck mom on bed" has NEVER appeared in the dave update

and it never would

unless i was talking about the guy who played the dad on malcolm in the middle

fucking the girl who played the mom on the fresh prince

(the second mom)

(i guess technically her character is aunt viv)

(but either way)

on top of the bed in pee wee's playhouse

THAT i'd like to see

but a generic dad fucking a generic mom on a generic bed?

NO THANK YOU

this has been a "dave setting the record straight" update

hello

not much to talk about today i don't think

last night was very nice

we had band practice and it went well

we just changed set-ups a bit and it's taken a little while to get the sound right

but last night sounded really great

so much so that i stayed up afterwards and recorded some more

it was cool

i threw a tape in and recorded and jammmmmmmed for awhile

and it was perfect because i finished and went to see if the tape was still rolling

and right when i got to the stereo it clicked off

PERFECT

that's a great feeling

like when that last song just squeezes onto the mix-tape?

the BEST

also i talked with my friend tina for an hour and it was wonderful

and now i'm at work

my butt is a little wet from biking in the rain

and honestly i think that's all i feel like writing about today

this has been the dave update