hi there

i'm in a strange mood today

maybe "dire" is the right way to describe it?

no

too gloomy

troubled?

no

i'm not feeling so dark but i definitely have a strange foreboding feeling

the last therapy session i had ended with a metaphor

and as often happens in my sessions it was something of a double-edged metaphor

in that my therapist and i saw decidedly different things

i was describing a crumbling empty shell

she was describing a chicken in an egg

i felt like this story was gonna go somewhere

but looks like maybe not

hm

my friend is reading that "ethical slut" book

and it reminded me of a polyamory workshop i went to

hosted by one wendy-o-matic

it seemed like a particularly relevant memory actually

because lately i look at the "gift of my affection"

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

i've been having such trouble describing what i mean lately

but "gift of my affection" was too ridiculous to not use

anyways

lately i look at the GOMA as something of a curse

shit our meeting is in like 8 minutes

i wanna smoke

i'll finish this later

but it'll be a seamless transistion to you!

HOLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY SHITTTTTTTTTTTT

wowza

i went for a smoke

and then came back and just worked

and didn't notice this dave update until i was about to leave

wow

it's the next day now

i started this one on the 8th

but it's now the 9th

!!!

and it's still a seamless transition!!

gee wiley

ka boom

i'm gonna re-read this one because i don't even remember what i was talking about

oh yeah

GOMA

i gotta come up with something different to call that

GOMA is funny but it's just too ridiculous

i have this accent that i sometimes slip into

when i'm saying something that's either not really in my vernacular

or when i'm saying something i just think is a little stupid

i call it my "idiot voice"

GOD DAMN this coffee is hitting the spot

anyways

GOMA is definitely something i'd say in my idiot voice

my idiot voice sounds like i'm apologizing for having to say what i am saying while i am saying it

like i'm saying "sorry i'm saying this but this is what happens when you're friends with an idiot!"

"tee hee hee"

ANYWAYS

i actually do remember what train of thought i was on when i left this

lately it seems like when i like someone it's something that i should probably apologize for

like "sorry, i'm gonna be hanging around here for awhile"

"you'll get used to me, it'll be fine"

ha ha

louis ck has some bit where he's talking about how his looks have never gotten him anything

and how some dudes are so good looking that women just look at them and think

"oh wow i need to fuck that guy"

and they don't even have to do anything

just sit there and not say anything TOO stupid

but when he meets a girl he has to be like

(referring to his appearance)

"i know, i know, but just hear me out ok?"

(obviously it's much funnier when he does it)

but that's kind of how i feel with people lately

why does everything i say lately have some louis ck bit that it relates to???

weird grammar in that last sentence

ANYWAYS

JESUS CHRIST

i'm just spinning in circles right now

ok

all i was trying to say is that the lesson i took from that polyamory workshop

is that if you

like me

are a person who is constantly feeling fond of people

you should embrace that

because fondness is not really worth hiding

it's worth sharing

so long as you don't overshare it to the point of it losing it's "market value"

supply and demand people

it's no joke

this has been a kind of confusing dave update

i don't really know what to make of it