hello

last night i was thinking a lot

which in general is kind of dangerous for me

I KNOW I KNOW

that sounds pretty over the top

i don't mean like dangerous like my mind will explode

i just overthink everything, obviously

i'm trying to change that

last night was ok though

i was just getting all beard-scratchy

CAN'T WAIT TO SHAVE THIS SHIT

but anyways

i worked at a multiplex when i was younger

and i worked with this one girl

can't remember her name now, maybe angie?

she had red hair and was super jaded

one of those workers who can do everything without caring if that makes sense?

like she's so over the bullshit from customers, etc

that she just gets shit done

not like well, just done

because who cares

let's get out of here

etc

she told me once that

"working in retail taught me how to apologize for shit that isn't my fault"

how fuckin true is THAT

i thought about that because my co-worker is on the phone right now

with a store who he has a very complicated relationship with

and he started out his phone call with something like

"that e-mail you sent me pissed me off"

and i was like WHOA

i would never say that to a store

even if they did piss me off

because that's what a job is to me

something that pisses me off

but doesn't really matter

who cares, let's get out of here

i've been thinking about doing stand-up again lately

but i probably won't

it just seems like what's the point of putting my self back through that?

i think about this with music a lot

when i started playing music i really wanted to play out a lot

both because the stuff i was playing was more song-based and sort of meant for an audience

but also just because when you're younger

it's totally rad to be the guy on stage or on floor or whatever

in house

it's just fun to be in a band

i imagine everyone is thinking

"COME ON DAVE"

"it's 'fun' to be in a band because you get laid like ALL THE TIME"

"right?  right?"

NOT SO YOUNG DAVERS

i'm thinking about it now

and the most "action" being in a band has ever gotten me

is a really really weird girl's phone number

who i went on one date with and am now scared to run into

like, this girl honestly creeped me out

like i don't even want to tell that story

BUT

she only started talking to me after we played

and mentioned that she liked watching me

"writhing around on stage"

i mean i guess that should have been a red flag

ha ha

but then i just started re-evaluating what i was doing

started making music that was less "for" people and more for me

and when i started playing out with that it was just like, awkward

i just thought "why am i doing this?"

i mean i wasn't like, SOOOO EXCITED about this stuff

that people HAD TO HEAR IT

and it wasn't really stuff that like even works in public maybe?

so now i don't really play out

maybe i will again some day

but only if i feel like i have something that i want people to see//hear

that's why i've been thinking about stand-up

because there are a few "bits" that have been bouncing around my head lately

but honestly i think i just want to like, write them

maybe i should just record them

yeah that's probably best

i'm gonna list them right here to help remind me

1) guide dogs

2) excited dogs

3) i promise these jokes are not all about dogs

4) ugly dogs

ok that's all i have

this has been the dave update