hi everyone

WOW

it's been awhile since i've done one of these

a LOT has changed recently

for one

i am unemployed as a mutha fucka

510 575 HISS if you have a job offer

also i still really don't have a lot of phone numbers

marissa magic i'm looking at you

sorry to call ya out by name but there ya go

i'm gonna go eat right now but i wanted to write something first

because i've been doing stand-up again but have trouble remembering jokes and what not

so i thought to myself

"i should write these down or something"

but then i thought

"nah"

"but i still should like, write something"

...

and here we are

...

that's honestly my thought process

sigh

ok

well i want to write more jokes

so now i am toying with the idea of coming up with a joke right now

oh!

ok

i'm gonna take another pass at a joke that nick stone sort of wrote?

this is more complicated than it sounds

(sorry again to call out nick by name)

 i said something true

and then nick said that's a funny joke by itself

then he put it together

and i said it was just ok

so here's my attempt at it

which i am doing RIGHT NOW

THE DAVE UPDATE

YOUR HOME FOR REAL TIME CREATIVITY

i'm unemployed right now

i know i seem very hire-able

but yesterday i tried to write a dozen punch-lines for the following set-up:

"i lost my job recently, my boss and i had a difference of opinion"

i was gonna perform at an open mic

and i thought it would be funny to tell the same joke 12 times

but

i only wrote 2

and then i fell asleep

and slept through the open mic

hm

STILL NEEDS WORK NICK

my boss and i had a difference of opinion

he thought i was supposed to be a sales rep

and i thought my desk looked better as a blanket fort

my boss and i had a difference of opinion

he thought the work day started at 9 am

and i think it's unethical for anyone to be at work while mcdonald's is still serving breakfast

my boss and i had a difference of opinion

he thought a professional appearance was important

and i think bermuda shorts look dope

my boss and i had a difference of opinion

he thought a mascot was not really necessary for our company's image

and i thought it'd be ok to just go ahead and order a live tiger

my boss and i had a difference of opinion

he thought i should be a more aggressive sales person

and i actually thought i was the receptionist?

my boss and i had a difference of opinion

he thought the workplace should be a safe place, free of harassment

and my lawyer has advised me not to finish this set-up

HALFWAY THERE

this dave update has been naming names