hey y'all

what's a-shakin

can't remember why i came onto the dave update tonite

but hope y'all are "well"

whole lotta y'all in this update

good or bad?

history will tell

i'm not webcasting this dave update

i still think the video thing is very funny

but it's kind of a pain to do

i mean

not really

but

bahhhhhhhhhhhhh what the fuck ever

this story isn't even worth the time

dave update:  now only sometimes with video

since 20-shut-up

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

oh man why didn't i do video for THIS one

20-shut-up just made me laugh SO HARD

ok

this dave update is a mile a minute

i am going to stop for a moment

and remember that quick thought is no thought

that sounds deep as hell even though i just thought of it

and that is ironic because those two sentences completely contradict themselves

but it still makes me laugh

...

jeez this is a strange dave update already

ok dave

take a moment

...

dear readers

it's been so long since i've talked to you i feel

time moves slowly lately, but i think probably in a good way?

i feel like i don't get as much done in a day

but that seems fine

either way things that happened three days ago

seem like they are from another lifetime ago

that sounds like an overstatement but weirdly it's not

WOW WHAT A PLOT TWIST

but yeah, another lifetime ago

i am sure many of you dear readers

were thoroughly different people when you were younger

for me i like to think of it as

*segregated levels*

(i put that in between asterisks)

(because i felt like if i said it out loud i would say it in my idiot voice)

(frequent readers of the dave update are familiar with the concept of the idiot voice)

(but only frequent talkers with dave are actually familiar with the idiot voice itself)

((long sentences for this update))

((sorry?))

((NOT SORRY))

...

dear readers

sorry to get off track

it's loud in here

all i mean to say

is that i think of the difference

between who i was when i was young

and who i am now

as different lifetimes

and lately

three days feels like a different lifetime

i have so much real life stuff to update you with!

but not today

and probably not for awhile anyways

now that i don't have an office job i can't really claim to be getting paid to write these

(that's another dave update *deep cut*)

((FUCK YOU I HAVE LIKE 400 OF THESE))

((I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE DEEP CUTS))

ok i'm going to end it with this

last night i saw the worst dancer i have ever seen in my life

it was like watching a tv show

about people who have just done a lot of cocaine

for the very first time

and now they have to figure out how best to embarrass themselves

this show sounds great!

and honestly this dancing was so bad it was absolutely fascinating

like a national geographic special

about white people

which you know is gonna be worth checking out

because white people gotta do something really weird

for it to actually be note-worthy

(i told that joke earlier and it KILLED)

(but maybe the context was different)

(doesn't seem so funny now)

here's another one

it was like someone was hosting an infomercial

about their new twist on popping and locking

that improves on the chief problem of popping and locking

which is of course:

"not annoying enough"

also

this infomercial takes place in a garage

and there are no cameras

and i think the entire family that lives in the house attached to this garage?

i'm pretty sure that they all sneak in here and masturbate

at least that's what it smells like

OK I THINK WE'VE GONE TOO FAR

this has certainly been an unusual dave update!

all over the place, i tell ya