hello

when i was 13 or 14 or so

my best friend's best friend

(not me)

ran away with the girl my best friend had a thing for

they stole a car from someone's parents and drove to california

i remember we talked to them on speaker phone once

they were at a hotel in anaheim

josh was kind of distant during the conversation

because i knew he wished he was on this trip with val

but i was so fascinated by it all

i asked a bunch of questions

which was really out of character for me at the time

i was really really shy, even with friends

i could go on a rant about why but it's not important

we all have our shit

but i was especially awkward around people i thought were "cool"

and stealing a car so you can go to california with some cute girl you don't know that well is pretty fucking cool

like

on the list of cool things to do?

that one is pretty high up there

i'm trying to think of generic cool things to do that are in the same league

and i'm drawing a blank

which i guess proves i'm not very cool

whatever

didn't need that to be proven to me

thanks, world

asshole

anyways

i asked a lot of questions

many of which were kind of stupid

like "what are you gonna do if you get pulled over?"

neither of them were 16

i don't even know how they got a hotel room come to think of it

that was one question i didn't ask

but it had a pool they said

but they weren't gonna swim in it, just sunbathe by it

for me it was such a mindblowing event

so much of my life at that time existed solely in fiction

stories on tv and stories in songs

with these emotions that i thought were just invented

things i couldn't really allow myself to feel or believe existed

i mean at this time i'd not even been in a relationship with a girl

that would come the next year

i'd start dating this girl jane

but "dating" was in title alone

i mean i think our family business was just starting around this time

so i was already working too much to really be in a relationship

i'd have some shitty sports practice after school

and then i would go home and either do homework or receive shipments

or just watch tv or play video games since we lived a million miles away from anyone

or sit in my room and listen to music with all the lights off

gah

what the fuck

i'm at work right now and i'm not even trying to look like i'm working

i don't know where any of this comes from

therapy has been hard lately and i feel very alone

this story is over

this has been the dave update