hello

sorry

did i wake you?

my bad

i'm just excited

i'm pretty sure i just performed a successful dental surgery

on MYSELF

YEAH

I KNOW

I KNOW

i know anyone reading this is probably thinking

HEY DAVE THAT'S PROBABLY NOT A GREAT IDEA DUDE

and you know what?

first things first

don't call me dude dude

it's only funny when i say it

BUT IN ADDITION

when i say "dental surgery"

i don't mean anything involving powered drills or

or

or other things dentists use

oh!

water pics!

water picks?

water pix?

hm

unfortunately probably that last one

by dental surgery

i mean

spending like the past 72 hours

brushing flossing and even rinsing with HYDROGEN PEROXIDE

(read up on it apparently it works)

because my teeth felt really gross

and every time i go to the dentist i feel like it's a total crock of shit

and LET ME TELL YOU YOUNG DAVERS

it IS!

my mouth has never felt cleaner in my life!

and i paid NOTHING

well

i paid like $20

for hydrogen peroxide

(ps thinkin bout dying my hair)

(i mean i have the supplies and i used to be blonde)

(so i can just say)

("yeah i don't know i mean i used to be blonde")

("maybe i'm just, you know")

("changing")

...

i hope the italics saved that joke

that seemed like a good start but boy did that one flop

OK

JEEZ

all i'm trying to say is that my teeth feel cleaner than ever

so don't go to your dentist any more

that's a gyp

hm

that's a bad deal

(still convinced gyp is a racist term)

(LONG TIME DAVE UPDATE READERS WILL GET THAT JOKE)

(AND IF YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM THEN YOU NEED TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK)

(CLASS DISMISSED)

ugh

this dave update feels annoying

EDIT:

dave edit

for the record

i mis-spoke

i did not spend $20 on hydrogen peroxide

i bought toothpicks too

i bought other stuff i think too

maybe i just got cash back??

hm

i think i need to double check my bank statement

...

THAT JOKE'S NOT FUNNY

this dave edit was brought to you by "thatjokesnotfunny.com"

thatjokesnotfunny.com

tune in saturdays for "no significa no"

keeping you up to date on what is and is not

a funny rape joke

hm

this dave edit may generate some letters