hi again sorry

i need help please

i'm not sure what can help

but i am sure that i need it

i'm also confident that i probably won't receive it

and even if i do it probably won't be enough

i was with my parents all weekend

and all they are is negative and judgemental

judgmental?

who cares

and i kept thinking things like

"god i can't wait to get away from these negative people"

and i realized that's probably what people say when they're with me

and that's probably why i don't have friends

and any temporary friends i have always seem to disappear the same way

i don't think i want to live any more

life is awful and so fucking quiet

i can't handle it

everything just upsets me now

when i see something i don't like it aggravates me

when i see something i do like it's still frustrating

it's like, why am i not THAT

why haven't i been THERE

why don't i do THAT

instead

i stare at things

and write this

and that's pretty much it

i got home yesterday at around 8 pm

and i sat in bed

and stared at really nothing

no music or anything

just sitting and not moving

what do i think is going to change this?

what new thing is supposed to help this?

and what new thing that will help will actually bother?

no one nothing

no one nothing

no one nothing

you can call that a self-fulfilling prophecy all you want

but i swear to you i'm an optimist

ok fuck this

here's a joke

that i stole from tennessee williams i think

a family is at the zoo

looking at the elephant exhibit

and a lot of people don't know this but female elephants attract a mate by scent

they give off a certain smell that attracts the male

and while this particular family is viewing the elephants in their separate cages

the female "called her mate"

and the male picked up the scent

and became visibly aroused

the son, curious as children are

points to the elephant's erection and asks

"mom, what's that?"

the mom stutters a quick dismissal

"why, um, t-t-that's nothing, nothing at all"

and the dad nudges his son and says

"see how spoiled your mother is?"

this has been the dave update

hi

nope

this has been the dave update