hi

i wrote a different dave update but then my mail crashed and i couldn't save it

i type these up at work in an open e-mail

so it looks like i'm just writing an e-mail

when instead i'm writing the dave update

it's true

i'm an evil genius

if only i could use my powers for good

ok

all i want to do right now is complain

but complaining doesn't get you anything

not that keeping things bottled in gets you a lot either

i'm not sure what proper outlet is available for people who are upset

i think that's why people go on homicidal rampages

for the record i don't intend to go on a homicidal rampage

i have been thinking about death a lot lately

i think i'm ready to die, i guess

when i used to think about it before

i would always think

"well, i want to do something first"

"make a record that someone else puts out"

"write a book that 10 people might read"

"meet a girl and have, you know, an actual relationship"

"instead of a few weeks of sex that apparently was meaningless to one of us"

TMI, sorry

i don't think i need to do any of those things any more

i mean who cares

i don't have anything to offer

that is going to genuinely affect people

not that i want to blow someone's mind or anything

i just always wanted to make something where at least a couple people would think

"i'm glad that the thing dave made exists"

they don't even need to know my name really

just "i'm glad this thing exists, i don't even care about who made it"

"he was probably an asshole"

"but i am happy this is here"

i don't think i'm capable of doing that though

and honestly even if i am

(or was, really)

the desire is gone

i used to play a game where i would try to think of EXACTLY where i wanted to be at any given moment

and try to get as creative and specific as possible

i'm trying to play it now

i think that i would like to be melted into a cheese sauce

maybe fondue

but maybe not because cheese sauce is gross when it cools down

i don't know

i would like to be hanging from the back of a flying airplane

as it spins around an active volcano

(so that it would be warm)

if anyone can make this happen

that number once more is 510 575 HISS

or if anyone wants to

you know

TALK

i mean i'm paying $50 a month for this stupid phone

i'd like for it to be used now and again

let's see how many calls i received this month

five

that actually seems like a lot for me

...

ok

i'm getting a bagel

this has been the dave update