hello

i'm tired

also kind of dirty, haven't showered in a couple days

this week has felt weird

it's like something is going on but nothing really is

i'm not sure how else to explain that

i know that's pretty vague but that's all i've got

i feel like there's something important i'm forgetting

who knows what though

maybe i am forgetting to shower

though i've been remembering and just not doing it

i keep saying "ugh, too tired tonight, i'll do it in the morning"

and then i wake up late for work

my rib hurts right now

here's a story

when i was in eighth grade my brother broke my rib

he was lying on the couch in our tv room

and i came in and was like

"hey dude move yr feet i wanna watch tv too"

and he REFUSED!

oops hold on phone

ok

another mailorder issue SOLVED

ok

so he REFUSED!

the nerve!

ha ha

i'm playing up how MEAN my brother was during this exchange

because he's so embarrassed about it now

we were young, obviously i don't hold a grudge or anything

but i mean THE NERVE!

ha ha

so i took his feet and put them on top of the couch

and sat where his feet were

and HE took his feet

and put them directly into my side

but not so much in the way a cat might?

like pawing at my side?

more like bending his legs at the knee

and then shooting them into my side like a fucking train

OUCH

i jumped up and screamed out a tirade at him

"mother fucker you fucking asshole fuck fuck fuck"

etc

and my parents came in and yelled at me because of my foul mouth

i remember them saying "you're being dramatic, does it still hurt now??"

and i said "YES!"

for like a month it still hurt!

i would come home from school and say to my mom

"you know, i had trouble running in PE again, i think this injury is serious"

and my mom would say

"we'll go to the doctor this weekend"

4 weekends later

i finally got x-rays done

and the doctor said my rib was cracked

but because it had been cracked for so long

it had healed crookedly

and my options were to either have surgery

so that they could break and reset my rib

(since it's a rib they can't just rebreak it like a nose)

(gotta consider the lungs)

or i can just live with it

i chose the latter option

now once every couple months i can't really take deep breaths without it hurting

right now is one of those times

i file that story in the "more things wrong with dave" section

if you go to my brain and find the "everything wrong with dave" section

just turn around and walk further down the aisle

ha ha

one thing cool about having a broken rib

is that you can actually feel and see my heartbeat

it's pretty cool actually

i know this maybe sounds gross or weird but it's totally cool

i promise

if you'd like to see it

510 575 HISS

and i'll show you it

or actually it's only sometimes REALLY visible

you can always see it but sometimes i have to lie back so it really is noticable

but you can always feel it

and it's not weird i promise!

so here's another story that is a little weird

i file this one under "dumb things that dave has said"

i was dating this girl

who i really really liked

and we were getting along great

and once we were making out

and my rib kind of hurt

but i'd never told her about it

and i think it's kind of cool, i mean you can SEE my heartbeat!

that's cool!

so i wanted to share this with her because i liked her and wanted her to think it was cool too i guess

so i broke away slightly from our "passionate embrace" ha ha

and said

"hey do you wanna see something weird?"

dear readers

dear young davers

when you are making out with someone

"hey do you wanna see something weird" is almost ALWAYS the wrong thing to say

even if it is weird

she actually wrote to my bad advice column about it

http://dggba.blogspot.com/2007/12/dggba-things-that-arent-weird.html

ok

enough about my rib i guess

tonight i am going to the independent to see clipd beaks and weekend

i have a plus one

if you'd like to come along

that number again is 510 575 HISS

please do call

or don't

this has been the dave update