hi

when i was about to move to california

someone rear-ended me

(no jokes, you)

it screwed up my move completely

totally his fault though

i was stopped at a light

and i looked in my rear-view mirror

and said "hey i think this guy is gonna...."

BOOM

i made the most embarrassing sound when it happened

it was like "ehhhhGAHHHHAHHHHAHHAHA"

exactly like that

"ehhhhGAHHHHAHHHHAHHAHA"

it just sounded kind of retarded

but i am kind of retarded so maybe it was appropriate

anyways

i had all this money saved for when i got here

but i just stayed in arizona while my car got fixed

and went on dates with my now ex-girlfriend

wait

unrelated

FUCK

why did i buy the french vanilla soy milk??????

god FUCKING damn IT

they should make the slogan for this

"bringing 3 am truck stop coffee....to YOU!"

ok

that wasn't even funny but whatever

"it's gross" is what i'm saying

anyways

i spent all the money i'd saved up

this story is boring

the french vanilla joke is better than this story

ugh

i'm worthless

this has been another worthless dave update

hello

today feels rocky already

drinkin coffee though

the best twitter account i've ever seen

just has one tweet

and that tweet is "eatin macaroni"

i mean, does that person understand twitter or what?

that should have been all we heard about twitter

"eatin macaroni"

i don't think i should write in this right now

i feel bummed out

last night was weird

i mean not really

nothing is weird

oh to hell with it

this has been the dave update

hey there

HOLY SHIT

i'm stupid tired

i could not get to sleep at all last night

i wrote a song a long time ago

well

not really wrote

i don't know

let's try this agian

i have this song called "they keep us awake"

and it's about when you have too many ideas for something

but you can't do anything with them for whatever reason

so you just stay awake until 6 in the morning thinking about all the things you want to do

last night was one of those nights and i HATE THEM

i mean it's cool to have ideas and be excited for them and everything

but it's just annoying when you just want to tell your stupid brain to shut the hell up

HEY

HEY IDIOT

THERE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP DOWN HERE

FUCKING JERK

where's my broom?

buncha animals in this damn body

i like writing the dave update

even when it's like yesterday and it pisses me off

i was reading this blog entry from louis ck

because i watched the last episode of louie and knew that it was probably based on a true story

that's what i really like about that show

it's just so real, real in the way memories are

it stays consistent with his comedy in that way

(sorry i'm like brain dead right now)

(these words aren't coming out so well)

(anyways)

i just really appreciate the lack of "ambition" that's consistent with his work

i put "ambition" in quotes because it's not really the right word

i just mean that he's not really trying to blow your mind

he's just trying to tell you about something that happened or something that he thought would be funny

THAT'S IT

he's not some asshole who's trying to blow up or some shit

i feel like to be a "good artist" means that you're really self-aware

and you have a great idea of what you want to happen

and then you do it

i mean that sounds simple for a reason

ANYWAYS

god so many tangents

anyways, his blog

he was talking about doing the USO tour

and how scary the black hawk helicopter rides are

and he got to a point where he was like

"ok just ride the fear"

(those are probably my words and not his)

but it was about sort of acknowledging that you're scared but rolling with it and enjoying it for the pure feeling of it

that's sometimes what the dave update does for me

rarely but sometimes

usually it's just an opportunity to tell dumb jokes

but sometimes it gets me thinking

and that's usually good

even though everyone tells me i think too much

and i stayed up all last night because i couldn't stop thinking

ugh fuck this shit

this dave update is OVER

this has been the dave update

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

it's sundayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

and the first day in two weeks i haven't had to workkkkkkkkkkkkk

so i'm stoneddddddddddddd

and i'm trying to go to amoeba so i can finally get my dad's birthday present

but fuck itttttttttttttttt

i'm hanging out listening to the urinalsssssssssss

i'm gonna get up soon

oh fuck i want a burrito from that place by amoeba

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OFF EVER

ha ha

probably not actually

i've had some good days off

i had one day that i took off where my wife and i just laid in bed all day

well like half the day but still

it was great

it was when i was still living in arizona

and i lived with my brother on the end of some street whose name i can't remember right now

i loved that street though

it was the only place in az you could go

that didn't look like arizona

huge trees grown out over the street

my window had a great view too

we woke up and it was raining

man that room had the best light when it was raining

really cold but good

very dark but still sort of cozy

i mean the apartment had like cinder-block style walls and 70s carpet

does that sort of sum it up?

works for me

we got up and watched the rain for awhile

i skipped class because i mean come on

and then when i told her i was skipping class because it was too nice out

(arizona rains are really nice in case you don't know)

(it's not like super gloomy)

(well)

(sometimes it is)

(but it's less cold)

(it's a place where it's nice to walk in the rain, you know?)

(i don't do it out here as much)

(too windy and cold)

i went and made coffee and she called in to her work

and then we made out a bunch and watched the leaves fall in the rain

god this is such a fucking jeffrey brown moment

but whatever it was great

after awhile i think we went our separate ways

i don't remember what i did, maybe i did go to class later

think i probably had my night class that year

that class was the worst

i think it was "critical thinking"

(YOUNG DAVERS)

(THIS STRIKES ME AS THOUGH IT MAY BECOME A LONG RANT)

(THERE IS PROBABLY NOT MUCH BELOW HERE OF INTEREST)

(PROCEED WITH CAUTION)

critical thinking was the worst fucking class

it reminded me of philosophy of language

because it was so god-damn nit-picky

i mean both philosophy and psychology require really sterile, precision language

(of the type which i am CLEARLY a master)

(i mean i guess i'm probably SUPPOSED to be)

(since i have a BA in psychology and a minor in philosophy)

(graduated cum laude, no joke)

(well, one joke)

(asu is the joke)

(i graduated with honors and if you asked me what i learned i really wouldn't be able to tell you)

(it's ironic that my mom was a teacher)

(because somewhere along the way)

(school just became some sort of a game that you were forced to play)

(and all you had to do was get a good score)

(and then you could stop i guess?)

(seriously, the only thing i learned about was how to take a test)

(i got amazing at that, still am pretty good)

(for one, i think i can get at least a C on any multiple choice test)

(no matter what it's about, i bet i can get a C)

(every question is meant to instill a point in you)

(so every answer is meant to have some sort of a...)

(hm)

(i'm gonna call it an "AHHHHHHHHH.....!" factor)

(maybe a "eureka" factor?)

(neither of those are great terms for it but fuck it)

(this is what counts for precision language at arizona state)

(so if you figure out what point the question is trying to make)

(then you'll figure out the answer)

(here's an example)

(albeit a bad one)

(let's say it's a history class)

(and you're studying the holocaust)

(and they ask you a question like:)

(how many people died in so-and-so concentration camp?)

(that's a question that's meant to convey the weight of the event)

(so it'll likely be the highest number)

(i mean that's a pretty easy and convenient made up example but it's pretty much all i learned in college)

(i took tests on books i've never read, languages i never really studied)

(i mean i took fuckin LATIN in middle school, it was required for some reason)

(you think i speak a word of latin?)

(i don't even know how to say "fuck no" in latin)

(there ya go)

(i'm trying to think of a better example of multiple choice stuff)

(i had a math teacher, freshman year of high school)

(gave the hardest multiple choice tests i've ever taken)

(would also post everyone's score on the board after each test)

(he was intense)

(he'd give you a really complicated problem)

(and all of his answers were meant to derail you)

(they were based off either simple math errors or wrong steps in a multiple step problem)

(which sounds pretty standard but i mean in math you can really set up some traps if you know what you're doing)

(that was probably the only class i ever studied for)

(i get bummed out about that now)

(it's weird to have such a nerdy personality)

(but no real knowledge)

(i mean i'm overanxious and i think too much)

(but i also still believe stupid shit)

(like i'm looking at this thing that i built)

(it's an extension of a cupboard that i found)

(i keep my records on it)

(it is CLEARLY about to fall apart)

(i mean i made it while drunk and with wood that i found)

(i had NO IDEA what i was doing)

(but it's been through 4 or 5 moves and is still standing)

(and i feel like if i just believe that it's fine)

(then it's fine)

(maybe that's the reality i prefer to live in)

(i don't know why i used the word maybe up there)

(i just like happy accidents i guess?)

(i like the idea that knowledge isn't such an inherently "good" trait)

(everyone thinks it's important to collect knowledge)

(even if it's exclusively about things you're interested in)

(you should know MORE about it, all that it is)

(i don't know if i always agree)

(i mean i feel like i SHOULD agree)

(but somehow i just don't)

(maybe that's me being contrarian but whatever)

(contrarian?)

(comes up as mis-spelled)

(but it's right)

(my spell check is retarded)

(sometimes i feel like wanting to learn is the same as wanting to conform)

(especially with art stuff)

(it's like why would you want to learn about it when much of the point is to see what you can invent with it?)

(i mean i get that the more you learn the more you can use to further your inventions)

(can't build a fuckin iphone if you don't know how to...)

((ha ha ha ha ha))

((i was trying to think of a simple part of building an iphone))

((but i'm so ignorant about that shit that i can't even think of a single thing that needs to be done to make an iphone))

((DOUBLE PARENTHESES))

((THIS IS GOING TOO FAR))

(can't build a fuckin iphone if you don't know how to change a light bulb)

((HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SOOOOOOOOOOO DUMBBBBBBBBBBBBB))

(but who wants an iphone anyways)

anyways, critical thinking was just another bullshit,

"let's-debate-about-what-we-made-up" class

i sound like such an anti-intellectual in this rant

i'm really not

but i think there's a certain point where

in academics

we cross a line between

using our language to express what is possible though hard to describe in the world

vs

basing our studies of what is possible in the world on shit we just made up

like if i see 4 apples

and you ask how many apples

i use my skills in math and english to help you verify what is "true"

(god i make up the dumbest most simplistic examples)

but if you ask me if i'm feeling more Kantian or Kafkaesque today

i could write you a really fascinating essay on the interplay and overlap of Kafka's bleak literary themes and Kant's work in metaphysics and how they could potentially merge into one unified mood

(i actually had to look up Kant on wikipedia for that bit about metaphysics)

(that counts as a minor at arizona state)

but who in the fuck is actually going to be curious as to whether i feel more Kantian or Kafkaesque?

this isn't poor sad dave talking either

i think that if you are a person who has ever wondered if someone feels more Kantian or Kafkaesque then you are a person who needs to live a little more

i mean i don't actually think that person exists

where is this going???

jesus

how long have i been here?

i mean there's not even music playing any more

and this urinals cd is long

who the fuck am i talking to anyways???

...

i am a sad sad person

who just spent an hour of his life

debating about something

that he suddenly can't recall a detail of

and has no idea why it seemed important to do

i watched a movie called "you won't miss me"

because i related with the title

but it was really just disappointing

it wasn't horrible, it was okay

but for whatever reason after it was done

i just left the theater and thought

"whatever else i do tonight or ever"

"has as little importance as that movie"

i still think that's true

for you too

this has been a mildly schizophrenic dave update

PS:

i know that schizophrenia has nothing to do with dissociative identity disorder

but see what academics do?

they make a word mean something it definitely doesn't mean

UGH

this has been an obnoxious dave update and it's ruined my day off

hi there

day #13

if this count makes it to 20 i'm gonna LOSE IT

ha ha

ok

BACK TO WORK

this has been the dave update

hello there

it's me

hm

i wrote such a long dave update yesterday that i don't have anything to talk about today

and lately life doesn't hold many stories

unless sleeping through my alarm counts as a story

let's just lie here instead okay?

we don't have to talk

i just want some company

should i put a record on?

ok

i'm putting on a record

the same george-edwards group record i've been listening to lately

not the "archives" one that just came out even though i think i might like that one more

38:38

no, let's lie on the floor

this rug's pretty clean i think, it's fine

i'm gonna put on mood lighting

because i just want to lie down and not think like at all

you can put your arm around me if you want

but don't get any ideas

...

this is nice

i'm glad you came over

we should do this more often

oh i love this song

...

yeah you can smoke in here

...

...

oh sorry i kind of dozed off a little there

i never do stuff like this

i feel like life is such a non-adventure lately

we should change that

i've been trying to do more different stuff lately

but it's not really the same alone you know?

i mean i always do stuff alone so i guess i just ASSUME that it's not really the same

whatever, i'm just glad you're here

do you like this record?

well let's watch something then

i don't know

you pick

oh!

we downloaded parker lewis can't lose just recently

yeah, and it's totally a vhs rip too

looks great

even has clips of some commercials

"parker lewis can't lose is brought to you by: Clairol Nice & Easy"

hahahahaha

wanna watch that?

yesssssssssss

i loved this show as a kid

i used to race home after swim practice so we could catch it

and then american gladiators came on afterwards

i really wanted to be on american gladiators

i remember i used to go over to my friend's house and play "assault"

i think that's what it was called

the one where you have to run from spot to spot

and try and hit the target above the gladiator

who is shooting like tennis balls at you

my friend lived near this country club

or in this country club

or something like that

he was loaded, i don't really know the context

but he had a room in his house that was really long

and had a staircase on one side

so he'd stand up on the staircase

and throw tennis balls at me

(we got the tennis balls from the country club's courts)

(you're welcome for that alliteration by the way)

and he had like nerf dart guns

i would leave the room and he would hide them behind couches and obstacles

and then i'd come back and have to find the guns and try and shoot him

dude cheated a LOT

but it was still fun

obviously we didn't get to do this when his parents were home

he had a crazy dog

jay was his name

his dog was part wolf

kinda scary to be honest

don't remember the dog's name

his sister was cool too

katie

wonder what they're up to

...

well

it's getting late

this was really fun though

i'm glad you came by

uh this weekend i'm probably working

but we can find some time if you wanna hang

cool

alright talk to you then

byeeeee

(see?)

(look at all the fun you could be having with me)

(we don't even have to listen to that record)

(i have SO MANY records to choose from)

(ha ha ha)

(all of this could be yours)

(any of yours)

(510 575 HISS)

(if no one calls me this weekend)

(i'm going to beat someone up)

(ha ha ha)

(ok)

this has been the dave update

hi there

so much to talk about

it's been awhile since i've had time to do a legit dave update

i could talk about the squat eviction party i played on monday

i could talk about the shitty morning i had the other day

i could talk about that picture i posted of me in a suit

i could talk about how it feels to have a disgruntled reader

i could talk about how this is my 11th straight day at work

(these are all like 9-10 hour days, mind you)

i could talk about re-reading a jeffrey brown book recently

and wondering if he is too nerdy too enjoy

(i don't think that he is TOO nerdy but sometimes it is distracting)

(plus that dude meets a lot of ladies for some kid who always whines about girls)

(cheer up jeffrey brown)

(things could be worse)

(you could be a blogger instead of a comic book writer)

(also you could have a weird obsession with parentheses)

(i mean i read a story YOU WROTE about some girl)

(who wrote you because she liked your work)

(and then drove out to meet you at some comic convention or whatever)

(my readers?)

(they gang-up on me with all their weird internet voices)

(and tear me apart because what?)

(i miss like not even a week of writing or something?)

(this is dave update #160 for christsake)

(read the fucking archives)

(and don't complain to me about free shit)

(ha ha)

oh!

i could talk about the guy i saw the other day

i think i will talk about that

i was biking to work

a little bit late

and as i was approaching a corner that i turn right on

(folsom i think)

(parentheses)

i look on the sidewalk

and there's this construction worker there

i mean i assumed he was a construction worker

he could have just been a guy in a vest

but he was rockin some mean shades

and he had a J-J-J-J-JACKHAMMER

that was on and running

but he was just leaning on it with one hand

like it was a light post or something

and he had a cigarette in the other hand

dude looked so cool

he was ROCKIN a JACKHAMMER as though it were a CANE

and some people don't look great with canes

BUT THIS COLD MUTHA

looked dope with A JACKHAMMER

i mean talk about fashion forward

ha ha ha

i don't even really know what that term means

WHY IS IT NOT FRIDAY YET?

i just realized that it's on thursday

and when i go to soccer cafe to get a croissant

THEY WON'T HAVE ANY

because it's not croissant THURSDAY

IT'S CROISSANT FRIDAY

AND TODAY ISN'T FRIDAY

fuck i'm actually upset about this

ok

ok

calm down

i could talk about being so depressed that i had to take multiple trips to the bathroom

so that i could sit down on the floor and try not to cry

for reasons i didn't even understand

though it was suggested that perhaps i was on my period

...

sometimes the simplest explaination is the right one

i could talk about a lot of stuff really

there's a lot on my mind lately

i could talk about how shitty the artwork for this new magazine is

(but i'm trying to be less critical)

(even though i actually did in real life just talk about how shitty the artwork for this new magazine is)

(i won't say the name to be polite)

(and because the name is awful too)

(probably a good magazine though)

bump

bump bump

*chik*

that's how all fucking songs start these days and it's ANNOYING

i could talk about being fed up with san francisco

and really life in general

i could talk about how i don't really know what to do with myself lately

and all the trouble i'm having with really simple things

i could talk about mysterious bruises

and a mole that has popped up on the back of my neck

i could talk about how

even though i've been doing it this whole time

this whole "i could talk about..." pattern really isn't going anywhere

i keep on thinking about how i'm gonna break out of it but all the ideas i have are just dumb

am i really going to say "i COULD talk about these things"

"but i won't?"

i mean how dumb is that

i could talk about a lot of things

but when i talk a lot

it makes me want things

and i think i need to stop doing that

because what i have now is as good as it's ever going to get

you know what?

i could talk with you about any of these things

and really a lot fucking more

i mean we could talk about the other day

when someone at the all star hotel got a new little puppy

who is ADORABLE and really small

and they were playing with it and it started to run off

and it ran surprisingly fast

because seriously, TINY dog

and the owner was calling its name

but it's a puppy so i mean she doesn't know it yet

(i say she because i'm pretty sure she had a bow in her hair)

(sorry to be heteronormative but with dogs that stuff is more for recognition than social conditioning)

(anyways)

anyways

it wouldn't stop

so i ran up and stopped it before it ran out in the street

and brought it back to the owner

and we had a little laugh about it

and then yesterday i was leaving work

and i saw the owner and the lil puppy again

i just gave the owner the "i know you" nod and got the same in return

and then i looked down at the puppy

who was looking at me with her little cute eyes

and the little bow in her hair

and smiled at the dog

and kept walking

and then i heard running footsteps

and i turned around and the owner had grabbed the dog

because the little puppy turned around and started to follow me instead of her owner

my heart melted a little

see?

i could tell you that story

or like 65 others

510 575 HISS for fucks sake

you think i'm writing long rants on the internet because i have an active social life?

you think these rants are coming from someone who is fulfilled with what they have in life?

i mean FUCK

how many times do you have to give your number out on the internet

before you start getting some weirdos and creeps calling you?

you disappoint me internet

but if there's anything i'm used to it's disappointment

(or being grumpy and negative for no good reason)

(i'm used to that too)

(parentheses)

this has been the dave update

if you have any complaints about it you know the number

hello

no time

headache

life sucks, etc

this has been the dave update

hello

no time really

life is weird

this has been the dave update

hello



this has been the dave update

hi

this has been the dave update

hello

i had a dream last night

where i was entering midheaven orders

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

all work and no play makes dave a dull boy

this has been the dave update

hello

yawn

crazy day yesterday

played a show that no one came to

which was frankly, pretty awesome

it was under the freeway

on 2nd between bryant and harrison

it was really eerie

i didn't play for long cuz i was a little freaked out to be honest

but i was really glad i did play, still had a really good time

hm

what else

saw pentagram last night too

i don't know

last night was long and fun but weird but fine

today promises MORE OF THE SAME

ha

sorry, still too busy for this

this has been the dave update

hi there

don't really have time today either

one thing though, real quick

FUCK wells fargo

"We have made the following important changes to your free checking account:"

"1) it's no longer free"

"thank you for banking with wells fargo"

this has been the dave update

hi

too busy

this is maybe not the dave update?

hello

i just wanted to take a moment to say hi

to all 97 of my malaysian readers

word up

that's all

this has been the dave update

hi there

today i feel much better

last night was fun

i do wish that i had skateboarded last night though

that would have made it more fun

ha ha

i love being 16 again

maybe i should have a birthday party

not 16th birthday party though

maybe 20th?

i could still be 20 i guess

that would be fun

i don't remember what happened on my 20th birthday but i remember being BUMMMMMMMED

oh

i think on my 20th birthday

the coke balloons played a show

and we got food before hand

and it was really gross

we played in the ASU art museum entrance

one of our favorite places to play

and it was so insanely hot

and the food was NOT sitting well

after we played i had to lie down on the stairs

and finally wasef was like

"dude, you're clearly gonna throw up"

"so just walk up the stairs"

"and by the time you get to the top"

"you'll throw up and feel way better"

this made sense to me

so i walked up the stairs

and sure enough once i made it to the top

i threw up in one of the planters

that was one of the GROSSEST vomit sessions i've ever had

it felt like i was a tube of toothpaste

and someone was squeezing from the middle

it came out the thickness of fucking cookie dough

if you don't want to hear about this

you certainly don't want to live through it

oh god the smell too

we weren't done packing up

and we had to keep walking by this HORRIBLE smelling planter as we packed everything up

ha ha ha ha

that was so gross

i think it counts as funny now though?

whatever

yawn

what's going on this weekend y'all?

510 575 HISS

playing tonight somewhere but outside of that

no plans

yo VIP

let's kick it

word to your mother

this has been the dave update

EDIT

i just noticed two new additions to my search keywords

"hello nice day"

and

"nipple man destroyer"

this has been the updated dave update

hello

yesterday was awful

today doesn't bode particularly well either

life sucks

fuck you

this has been the dave update

hi there

it's dave

this week is not agreeing with me right now

i came home yesterday

and

oh!

well

sorry

i'm getting ahead of myself

i came home yesterday exhausted

and sat down and watched some x-files

which, holy shit

x-files is great

i never got into it as a kid

because i started too late

had no idea what was going on

but these early episodes are rad

i remember seeing the first movie too, that was good

anyways

afterwards mikey and i skateboarded to super duper burger

and i've been talking a lot lately

(maybe not on the dave update but in real life)

about second adolescence

about being 29 but feeling 16

and i never had the childhood/adolescence

where i got to smoke weed and watch x-files

and skate to super duper burger

i mean how "rad" does all of this sound?

ha ha

i haven't skated in FOREVER

it was really fun though i am definitely not as comfortable on a board

i wanna do more, shit was really fun

i forgot about skating on bricks, you know?

your feet feel all cool

it's fun to skate on market too because there's a bunch of people you have to weave through

that was rad

super duper burger was rad

teen hospice practiced after that and it was a little frustrating

it was cool, we're still coming up with good stuff

but both of us were just grumpy as hell and not communicating well

oh well

it can't always be MAGIC

ha ha

god i love michael hurley's paintings

they are so rad, so unambitious and just great

i should get all his records and post them on my wall

and then any time i start to get all overanxious

i should just look at them and think

"de light is very bright"

i wanna have a party this weekend

let's have a party this weekend, ya?

where should we have it...

i don't know

what would it be like?

well

bands i like would play

but in a really small room

but you could hear it everywhere

man there's a bunch of people i don't know here

but everyone's really friendly, that's cool

is that a rollercoaster?

too much!

ok maybe just one ride

there should probably be a food fight in there too

maybe it should be a birthday party

maybe it should be MY birthday party

i don't actually have a birthday but i'll pretend if it makes for a good party

maybe we should have a party on a pier

that could be fun if there's enough music and booze and what not

and if it's not too cold

it should probably be a little smelly but not too much

i wanna play a show on the pier but like a really early one

like 6 am early show

maybe i should do a sunrise show there

sun rises in the east right?

that'd be perfect

hm

i think i know why this week is rough

last week i just wanted to play guitar

this week i want to play guitar but i wanna hang with people too

and i don't really have any time this week to hang

practice tonight and tomorrow and then show friday

LIVIN THE LIFE

the life is a bummer

THE GAME IS RIGGED

hm

i mean this is more than enough but for some reason i just wanna keep on writing

i have this weird bump on the back of my neck

i think it's a hot spot

like dogs get?

except i don't get high when i lick it

at least i don't think

i mean it's on the back of my neck

i wanna try it now though

ok

if any of you young davers wanna try and get high by licking the hot spot on my neck

that number again is 510 575 HISS

i don't think it'll get you high though

i don't know

maybe

if it doesn't we can smoke some weed together

and then skate to super duper burger

RAD

ok

this has been the dave update

hi there

dave update time

MOTHERFUCKERS

ha ha ha

i just remembered the dave update where i was talking like a really aggro teacher

that was a good one

see?

remember?

we had good times

don't get all down in the dumps on me kid

yesterday was kind of a weird day

i felt a little bad at work

but then i went home and cleaned my room a bit

that was pretty rad

repeat readers of the dave update will know that i'm quite fond of my new living arrangement

yesterday i cleaned up some and put in a fake table

fake table

like

college style

like i put 2 milk crates together and put a sheet over them

yup

fake table

it works though

at least until i find the perfect real table

oh!

i found my bike pump too!

now i just need to find my spare tubes

SHEESH

IF IT AIN'T ONE THING IT'S ANOTHER KIDS

LIFE SUCKS, REMEMBER THAT I TOLD YOU THAT CHILDREN

LIFE SUCKS, YOU DIE, AND NO ONE CARES

THAT'S LIFE IN A NUTSHELL YOU LITTLE SHITS

SO GO PLAY YOUR STUPID X-BOXES

I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOU BRATS IN CLASS AGAIN

GO PLAY X-BOXES AND SMOKE DRUGS

MATH IS USELESS UNLESS YOU'RE A NERDDDDDDD

ok

let's hope that this teacher character doesn't gain much traction

i think it's funny but it's kind of a one-trick pony

no one entered the last dave contest and that makes me wanna set this whole place on fire

how about a new dave contest

send me a text with your name and address

and i'll come over and punch you in the gut for not entering the last dave contest

are you are missing winner?

ha ha

race against time hots up

ha ha

hm who else sounds like the fall

not that the rebel REALLY does

his album titles always remind me of the fall though

you can't force yourself into someone's life young davers

your plans mean shit to the rest of the world

so do whatever you fucking want because who cares anyways

who cares but you

you nerd

this has been an optimistic dave update

hi there

happy monday

i feel kinda gross today

isn't it august?

why do i feel underdressed?

i should be able to walk around in a damn bikini right now

this is california and it's summer

fucking cold out and i hate it

i slept so horribly last night

i washed my pillows this weekend but one of them tore in the wash

so now i only have one pillow

and i'm one of those people that needs to hold something in their arms while they sleep

it's hard to sleep without that

also i usually wrap myself up really tightly in the sheets

basically i'm trying to say that i'm really fun to share a bed with

I DON'T SNORE THOUGH

i can't handle snoring

total deal breaker

were you and i dating

and you started snoring

not only would i totally wake you up and say "STOP SNORING"

i would also re-evaluate our relationship

basically i'm trying to say that i'm really fun to be in a relationship with

gahhhhhhhh

dave d'estroyer = bachelor for life

i tried to have a follow up date this weekend but no luck

i'm deciding to take it personally

and it upsets me a little

not so much because i was in love or some shit like that

i'm just bummed because that girl was like the first new person i've met in forever

and now i feel that i am unappealing to strangers

well

now i feel even more confident in my belief that i am unappealing to strangers

animals like me though so fuck all y'all

last night after i got home from djing

i sat on the couch

and oso came over and i was petting him

and then he hopped on the couch and kinda curled up under my left arm

and then ion came over and curled up under my right arm

and i gotta tell ya i was feeling pretty sweet with a rad animal under each arm

hear that single women of san francisco?

I DON'T NEED YOUR SHIT

i'm cool, thanks

1 2 3 4 5

senses working overtime

isn't this an xtc song?

i'm confused

i thought this was oingo boingo at first

i know that MANDY MOORE covered this song

WEIRD

ok

this is probably good

this has been the dave update

hey there

good night last night

teen hospice practice was fun

date was pretty fun too

still need to take a shower though

I AM SO GROSS

i don't really have anything to talk about today i don't think

but i am in a good mood i think

let's have another dave contest

first person to text me a cool picture gets a dollar

or i will do something for them that i would have done for a dollar

like, "hey i'll give you a dollar if you..."

up to you

510 575 HISS

entries must be postmarked by uh this month

paid for by the committee to keep daves updated AND/OR updating

some restrictions apply

(i would NOT eat poop for a dollar)

(so don't even ask)

ok

love y'all

not really though

this has been the dave update

hello

all i want to do right now is play guitar

play guitar and maybe eat a danish

yesterday was a bad day i think

i mean work was just frustrating

and i got in a super bummer zone

which

don't let the word zone fool you

was not as potentially fun as it may sound

super bummer zone kind of sounds like a video game

or maybe what they call the ball pit at chuck e cheese

"the chuck e cheese on lakeshore has the nation's LARGEST super bummer zone"

"no free refills with the 'adultery' special"

hm

what can i talk about today

yesterday was not fun

in tucson there was this really awful bar called pinky's

i remember the radio commercials really well

because they'd always go "COME DOWN TO P-P-P-P-P-PAAAAAANKYYYYYYY'S"

like, rhymes with stanky

and they had a thursday night event

"FORGET TGIF!"

"WE'RE SURE HAPPY IT'S THURSDAY!"

then a deep voice would say

"YOU SPELL IT OUT!"

"P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-PAAAAAAANKYYYYYYYY'S"

hahahahahahahaha

P-P-P-P-P-P-P--P-P--P-P---PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKYYYYYYYYYYYYY'S

i REALLY hope p--p--p-p-p--p-p-p-panky's is one of my search keywords this week

search keywords are more fun than blogging i think

i need some more good ones though

maybe i should just start spouting out words i'd like to be search keywords

like adult diapers

when is too young for adult diapers anyways?

i feel like i would rock adult diapers

i would dress like a thug with them though

and have my pants down like right above my knees

and a big ol black t-shirt

and adult diapers

and gold teeth

i think the cover of the new bleached 7" is a still from the movie "i am curious"

i'm not positive cuz you can't see the faces really

but it definitely makes me think of that movie

i wish i still had that movie, it was really odd

i'd like to see it again

i remember i saw it in a store in the east bay when i was visiting once

and i was searching for it back in az for FOREVER

i've been watching too much tv lately

movies/tv/etc

i need to do other things

i guess i'm sort of going on a date tonight

but i have to admit i'm not excited for it particularly

nothing against the girl or whatever

i'm just tired of kind of bs conversations

like, not bs like straight up lies

but like bs like "let's just get along pleasantly and not talk about anything we care about because that's what this whole dating game is about i guess?"

i don't know, i was talking to this different girl the other night and it was like

jeez

listen to us trying our best to keep this conversation going

it was sad kind of

because she was nice and no one was doing anything wrong

but we just hadn't found anything to relate on

but still wanted to talk i guess?

so we were kind of just telling jokes or being funny

but the jokes were going way too long ha ha ha

i don't know

i've been called out a few times this week for overthinking things

and while i think that's a totally valid criticism or whatever

it's a little annoying because it's also just pure criticism

it's like saying "i don't like your voice"

in that there's really nothing i can do about my voice

and you're certainly not offering anything constructive about what i should do about my voice

you're just saying "i don't like this about you but fortunately you're not important enough to me for me to bother helping you with this problem"

people tell me "i think you think too much"

and i say "i think you're probably right but i don't know how to stop"

see even there

TOO MUCH THINKING

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-paaaaaaaankyyyyyyyy's

hahahahahahahhahhaha

this has been the dave update

hell-o

i think i am likely still kind of high from last night

feel kinda woozy

ha ha

probably not a good way to start the day

although!

the owner at my corner cafe hooked me up today

FREE COFFEE Y'ALL

he must have looked at me and thought

"clearly this kid is still high from whatever he was doing last night"

"i should give him coffee before he falls asleep in my cafe"

"don't charge him, don't touch him, you'll catch high from him"

yawn

i think my least favorite group of all time is yacht

oh! weird! we're listening to them right now

YACHT YOU ARE KILLING MY BUZZZZZZZ

ha ha

ugh this is so annoying

mmmmmm now i got some watermelon

i don't understand how one could not like melons

like watermelon or cantelope or honeydew

ok

i could go on a long melon rant here but i won't

i gotta work

i mean

i gotta get a bagel THEN work

boy's gotta eat

ok see ya

this has been the dave update

hi there

DAVE UPDATE TIME

MOTHER FUCKERS

YOU PUNKS IN THE BACK BETTER PAY ATTENTION

I AIN'T SAYING THIS SHIT TWICE, HEAR ME?

it's been awhile since i had a good danish

QUIET DOWN IN THE BACK, HEAR?

I AIN'T JOKIN'

Y'ALL EVER HAVE DETENTION?

NO LAUGHING MATTER, THAT

ooh i like what's playing right now

but i bet they have a shitty name

last time i liked something in this vein

i looked to see who it was

and it was a band called "international swimsuit"

it ruined my day

i just don't get how one or two or four people work really hard on something

they make a bunch of songs together

probably play some shows

and as they're starting to say to themselves

"man this is starting to go somewhere"

"we should take it to the next level"

"what about a name?"

ALL of them put their heads together

lock themselves in the practice space for a bit

and a little while later

"international swimsuit" is what they came up with

shit like that just doesn't make sense to me

i mean what kind of a person answers yes to a question like:

"hey do you think we should name our band 'the sunny muffdivers?'"

(yes, that's another one)

i'm gonna change directions here for a second

i think it's stupid that technically that ? after sunny muffdivers is supposed to go IN the quotes

that's dumb

PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE

THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST

i mean what if i was talking about a band with punctuation in it's name?

(also a stupid idea, i know)

like "should we name our band '!!!?'"

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

i think it should be "should we name our band '!!!'?"

but i think that's grammatically incorrect

WHICH IS BULLSHIT

THAT'S RIGHT

I CAN CUSS IN HERE BECAUSE I'M THE TEACHER

YOU CAN SIT IN THE BACK AND SHUT UP BECAUSE YOU'RE THE STUDENT

DENISE YOU CAN GET ME A CUP OF COFFEE BECAUSE YOU'RE A GOOD STUDENT

ALSO YOU'RE KIND OF A SUCK UP

SO I KNOW IT'S REALLY ME DOING YOU A FAVOR

IN YOUR FUCKED UP OVER-ACHIEVING HEAD

CHOP CHOP DENISE

TEACHER'S THIRSTY

ha ha

i don't know why today i've been thinking a lot about teaching

i think i would be a good teacher if i could make my own curriculum

meaning

i would be a good teacher if it wasn't actually on me to, you know....

TEACH

BRYAN I WILL BOOT YOU FROM THIS ROOM

SO HELP ME GOD

I DON'T NEED ANY BRAT KIDS WITH Y'S IN THEIR NAME THROWING ME OFF TOPIC

SORRY YESMERELDA

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT FROM HERE SO IT'S OKAY

THERE'S A LESSON HERE KIDS

"FOREIGN KIDS CAN'T HELP IT"

i hope that comes up in my search keywords this week

actually i hope "can foreign kids help it?" comes up

i'm gonna google that after i post this and see if it comes up

let's see what this google shit can do

CLASS DISMISSED

this has been the dave update

hello

happy monday

this weekend was kind of weird

for one i did like NOTHING

but it was ok i guess

played guitar a little yesterday

finished the wire, finally

now i can stop talking in a baltimore accent

it's been pretty bad

ha ha

life is weird

something about THIS being it seems off

whatever

the other day i was on my way to work

walking because my bike has a flat and i have no idea where my bike pump is

and it was a little foggy but in that really nice way

where it's only cold if you didn't bring a light jacket or a sweater

but it looks much gloomier out

like the sun was recovering from a cold or something

but feels much better now

anyways

i thought about when i was still in school

how i would skip class on days like these

and just skate around campus or go shop for records

i thought about skipping work but it's not really the same

you skip class you lose an hour or so of stuff you'll probably learn anyways

or really didn't need to learn

you skip work you skip 8 hours of buxxx

and it's not like i'm making enough that i can skip for a day anyways

sigh

if only i knew how little i'd be able to skip work when i got older

then i would have skipped class everyday

probably wouldn't have graduated but who cares

hey

i cook a pretty mean tofu

just so y'all know

been cooking a bunch of it lately and man o man

i cook a pretty mean tofu

ok

i should go

50 e-mails

won't answer themselves

this has been the dave update