heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

it's sundayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

and the first day in two weeks i haven't had to workkkkkkkkkkkkk

so i'm stoneddddddddddddd

and i'm trying to go to amoeba so i can finally get my dad's birthday present

but fuck itttttttttttttttt

i'm hanging out listening to the urinalsssssssssss

i'm gonna get up soon

oh fuck i want a burrito from that place by amoeba

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OFF EVER

ha ha

probably not actually

i've had some good days off

i had one day that i took off where my wife and i just laid in bed all day

well like half the day but still

it was great

it was when i was still living in arizona

and i lived with my brother on the end of some street whose name i can't remember right now

i loved that street though

it was the only place in az you could go

that didn't look like arizona

huge trees grown out over the street

my window had a great view too

we woke up and it was raining

man that room had the best light when it was raining

really cold but good

very dark but still sort of cozy

i mean the apartment had like cinder-block style walls and 70s carpet

does that sort of sum it up?

works for me

we got up and watched the rain for awhile

i skipped class because i mean come on

and then when i told her i was skipping class because it was too nice out

(arizona rains are really nice in case you don't know)

(it's not like super gloomy)

(well)

(sometimes it is)

(but it's less cold)

(it's a place where it's nice to walk in the rain, you know?)

(i don't do it out here as much)

(too windy and cold)

i went and made coffee and she called in to her work

and then we made out a bunch and watched the leaves fall in the rain

god this is such a fucking jeffrey brown moment

but whatever it was great

after awhile i think we went our separate ways

i don't remember what i did, maybe i did go to class later

think i probably had my night class that year

that class was the worst

i think it was "critical thinking"

(YOUNG DAVERS)

(THIS STRIKES ME AS THOUGH IT MAY BECOME A LONG RANT)

(THERE IS PROBABLY NOT MUCH BELOW HERE OF INTEREST)

(PROCEED WITH CAUTION)

critical thinking was the worst fucking class

it reminded me of philosophy of language

because it was so god-damn nit-picky

i mean both philosophy and psychology require really sterile, precision language

(of the type which i am CLEARLY a master)

(i mean i guess i'm probably SUPPOSED to be)

(since i have a BA in psychology and a minor in philosophy)

(graduated cum laude, no joke)

(well, one joke)

(asu is the joke)

(i graduated with honors and if you asked me what i learned i really wouldn't be able to tell you)

(it's ironic that my mom was a teacher)

(because somewhere along the way)

(school just became some sort of a game that you were forced to play)

(and all you had to do was get a good score)

(and then you could stop i guess?)

(seriously, the only thing i learned about was how to take a test)

(i got amazing at that, still am pretty good)

(for one, i think i can get at least a C on any multiple choice test)

(no matter what it's about, i bet i can get a C)

(every question is meant to instill a point in you)

(so every answer is meant to have some sort of a...)

(hm)

(i'm gonna call it an "AHHHHHHHHH.....!" factor)

(maybe a "eureka" factor?)

(neither of those are great terms for it but fuck it)

(this is what counts for precision language at arizona state)

(so if you figure out what point the question is trying to make)

(then you'll figure out the answer)

(here's an example)

(albeit a bad one)

(let's say it's a history class)

(and you're studying the holocaust)

(and they ask you a question like:)

(how many people died in so-and-so concentration camp?)

(that's a question that's meant to convey the weight of the event)

(so it'll likely be the highest number)

(i mean that's a pretty easy and convenient made up example but it's pretty much all i learned in college)

(i took tests on books i've never read, languages i never really studied)

(i mean i took fuckin LATIN in middle school, it was required for some reason)

(you think i speak a word of latin?)

(i don't even know how to say "fuck no" in latin)

(there ya go)

(i'm trying to think of a better example of multiple choice stuff)

(i had a math teacher, freshman year of high school)

(gave the hardest multiple choice tests i've ever taken)

(would also post everyone's score on the board after each test)

(he was intense)

(he'd give you a really complicated problem)

(and all of his answers were meant to derail you)

(they were based off either simple math errors or wrong steps in a multiple step problem)

(which sounds pretty standard but i mean in math you can really set up some traps if you know what you're doing)

(that was probably the only class i ever studied for)

(i get bummed out about that now)

(it's weird to have such a nerdy personality)

(but no real knowledge)

(i mean i'm overanxious and i think too much)

(but i also still believe stupid shit)

(like i'm looking at this thing that i built)

(it's an extension of a cupboard that i found)

(i keep my records on it)

(it is CLEARLY about to fall apart)

(i mean i made it while drunk and with wood that i found)

(i had NO IDEA what i was doing)

(but it's been through 4 or 5 moves and is still standing)

(and i feel like if i just believe that it's fine)

(then it's fine)

(maybe that's the reality i prefer to live in)

(i don't know why i used the word maybe up there)

(i just like happy accidents i guess?)

(i like the idea that knowledge isn't such an inherently "good" trait)

(everyone thinks it's important to collect knowledge)

(even if it's exclusively about things you're interested in)

(you should know MORE about it, all that it is)

(i don't know if i always agree)

(i mean i feel like i SHOULD agree)

(but somehow i just don't)

(maybe that's me being contrarian but whatever)

(contrarian?)

(comes up as mis-spelled)

(but it's right)

(my spell check is retarded)

(sometimes i feel like wanting to learn is the same as wanting to conform)

(especially with art stuff)

(it's like why would you want to learn about it when much of the point is to see what you can invent with it?)

(i mean i get that the more you learn the more you can use to further your inventions)

(can't build a fuckin iphone if you don't know how to...)

((ha ha ha ha ha))

((i was trying to think of a simple part of building an iphone))

((but i'm so ignorant about that shit that i can't even think of a single thing that needs to be done to make an iphone))

((DOUBLE PARENTHESES))

((THIS IS GOING TOO FAR))

(can't build a fuckin iphone if you don't know how to change a light bulb)

((HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SOOOOOOOOOOO DUMBBBBBBBBBBBBB))

(but who wants an iphone anyways)

anyways, critical thinking was just another bullshit,

"let's-debate-about-what-we-made-up" class

i sound like such an anti-intellectual in this rant

i'm really not

but i think there's a certain point where

in academics

we cross a line between

using our language to express what is possible though hard to describe in the world

vs

basing our studies of what is possible in the world on shit we just made up

like if i see 4 apples

and you ask how many apples

i use my skills in math and english to help you verify what is "true"

(god i make up the dumbest most simplistic examples)

but if you ask me if i'm feeling more Kantian or Kafkaesque today

i could write you a really fascinating essay on the interplay and overlap of Kafka's bleak literary themes and Kant's work in metaphysics and how they could potentially merge into one unified mood

(i actually had to look up Kant on wikipedia for that bit about metaphysics)

(that counts as a minor at arizona state)

but who in the fuck is actually going to be curious as to whether i feel more Kantian or Kafkaesque?

this isn't poor sad dave talking either

i think that if you are a person who has ever wondered if someone feels more Kantian or Kafkaesque then you are a person who needs to live a little more

i mean i don't actually think that person exists

where is this going???

jesus

how long have i been here?

i mean there's not even music playing any more

and this urinals cd is long

who the fuck am i talking to anyways???

...

i am a sad sad person

who just spent an hour of his life

debating about something

that he suddenly can't recall a detail of

and has no idea why it seemed important to do

i watched a movie called "you won't miss me"

because i related with the title

but it was really just disappointing

it wasn't horrible, it was okay

but for whatever reason after it was done

i just left the theater and thought

"whatever else i do tonight or ever"

"has as little importance as that movie"

i still think that's true

for you too

this has been a mildly schizophrenic dave update

PS:

i know that schizophrenia has nothing to do with dissociative identity disorder

but see what academics do?

they make a word mean something it definitely doesn't mean

UGH

this has been an obnoxious dave update and it's ruined my day off