helloooooo

i have a story today

i was talking with someone last night

about how

for like the first time in literally a couple years

i actually got a girl's phone number

WHOA RIGHT

i know!

huge news

ha ha

but i was telling my friend this

and she was like

"wait, i thought you already have a girlfriend?"

and i was like

"uhhhhhhh nooooooooooo"

and she was like "don't you live with her?"

and i thought about it for a minute

and was like

"wait"

"do you mean my cat ion?"

and she was like "YEAHHHHHHHHHH"

"that's why i thought that!"

so it's possible that

when i discuss my intimate relationship with my roommate's cat

women hear that i live with a girl named ion

and think to themselves

"shit, i can't compete with that"

but it's ok ladies

dave gulbis does not fuck cats

and besides

it's open

so don't sweat it

this has been the dave update