helllo

i have nothing to do

i mean i have plenty i could do but nothing i really have to do

oh wait

i have to go to the bathroom

wait here

ok

my stomach kind of hurts

lately my body hurts in completely new ways

my therapist says it's due to my mental troubles or whatever

she says the body is like the mind's wetlands

and when your mind overflows with pain or grief or whathaveyou

(i don't think whathaveyou is one word but fuck it)

it stretches into the body and becomes a physical thing

mine has been mostly located in the chest and lower neck/upper back

i can feel it now

it feels like my chest is trying to burst through my body

like, through the back

it will explode and then suddenly i will have either a hunchback or wings

whatever it does i just wish it would hurry the fuck up

at least then i can blame all the shit in my life on a hunchback

(or wings, what-fucking-ever)

oh i had an idea last night

jacy and i want to start a podcast but have had trouble figuring out what

and lately i've been trying to find ways to integrate the things i actually want to do into my creative output

last night it hit me

the podcast should obviously be:

"let's get stoned and watch law and order"

i'll let you figure out what the content will consist of

my dad just sent me a picture of my brother's girlfriend in the hospital

she's having her labor induced or however you say it

this is the first time i've seen her face, i didn't know she was hispanic

or at least looks hispanic

i mean not that i care at all i was just surprised

hm

ok

i'm distracted by things

my therapist thinks that everyone is mean to me

not everyone but everyone i talk about in therapy

she always seems to want to make me angry

i think it's because she thinks i don't know how to deal with anger

but i feel like

1

i do

i think i'm actually really good at dealing with anger

but

2

it's just making me angry in a much less tangible way

not sure if that makes sense

but lately i find myself FURIOUS for no fucking reason

it's frustrating because i feel like this is a door i shouldn't even by playing around

like, this part of the dave mansion should be closed for renevation

but here i am running around with a table saw and a cape

knocking over walls and not even wearing a hard hat

(my head is too big for hats)

you can't force yourself into someone's life

not even with a table saw

you just have to sit around and improve your own life and hope that maybe someday people will want to come over for tea

and double-y hope that it happens before you sprout wings or a hunchback and turn into a really gross thing

grosser than you already are

double gross

like split eyeballs

or pus AND brains

this has been the dave update