hello

last night was fun

somebody entered the contest too

so i'm out five bucks ha ha

brown bag week

might have another audition today or tomorrow

i'll be playing a giant eyeball

for a commercial for contact lenses

all i have to do is look bored

and let's face it

i'm CLEARLY very good at being bored

i mean how many blogs do i have for fucks sake

i am the mayor of snoresville

let's see, what else

seems like a lot of people i know are down lately

myself included though i feel pretty good today

i wish there was a better fool proof way of getting out of your head for a minute

i mean drugs/booze is sort of the obvious answer here

but we all know that's not really reliable nor healthy

maybe an orgy would help

ha ha ha

i have a joke that i stole from jw's twitter account

he tweeted

wait

twat?

he posted this:

"i want to make a magic 8 ball where every answer is 'maybe partying will help'"

i think that's a real tweet-tastic twat twert twip tarrooooo

anyways

dear friends of mine

who are down in the dumps

let's go to the trampoline gym maybe?

or the zoo?

they should make a "cute zoo"

"they"

like a zoo where all the animals are ADORABLE

"we've travelled far and wide to bring you the cutest of the cute"

probably have some meercats in there

and some mini-llamas

SO CUTE

i love llamas

i llove llamas

god i'm glad i'm posting this idea on the internet

so after someone actually does it and makes millions of dollars

i can say I THOUGHT OF THAT IDEA

maybe i'll get free admission for life

instead of a petting zoo they could have a kitten box

where you can just roll around in cute

that's probably not a practical idea

oh!

dear readers

i am in love with a cat

NOT SEXUAL LOVE

i feel like i need to emphasize this

DAVE GULBIS DOES NOT FUCK CATS.

i'm glad that's on the internet now too

anyways

jacy's cat ion and i are in love

we have a special bond

it's beautiful

suzy used to talk about having special moments with her cats

and now i get it

because ion and i are on the same page

we stare at each other a lot

she has beautiful eyes

again

DAVE GULBIS DOES NOT FUCK CATS

i can't overstate that

anyways

friends

hang in there

if you are actually a friend of mine then know that i really care about you

and would take you to the trampoline gym

or the cute zoo

whatever you'd prefer

just call, any time

510 575 HISS

if you are unsure whether or not you are a friend of mine

you can call that same number

or maybe you should text it actually

because it would be awkward if you called me

and i had to be like, "oh sorry we're actually not friends"

if you are wondering if we're friends or not

text me at 510 575 HISS

and i'll let you know

standard text messaging rates may apply

this has been a surprisingly positive dave update