hello

i slept til like 1 today

but i was up late, way later than i expected

didn't do anything really

just got stoned and took a super long bath

listened to that recent Gate record a bunch

so good

so depressing but so good

gonna put it on now actually

weekends are weird for me lately

i feel more isolated

i have days where i don't talk to anyone

i hate that

i have stuff to do today but i feel pretty numb

food would help maybe?

don't think i have a lot here

i've written 66 pages of a book but i'm blocked on it right now

maybe i should just copy and paste all the dave updates

wow

i tried it with just the first page and it filled the rest of the book

amazing

i guess this is double spaced though

for reasons i'm not sure i understand

i hope i finish this damn book

it would be nice to finish something

like a book

like my laundry

like breakfast

like shaving

last night i was shaving in the shower without a mirror

i had to finish it this morning in the light

did a really shitty job, it's like i forgot whole parts of my face exist

i don't really want to practice today

i want to sleep more

someone was telling me about their new make-out buddy the other day

and i got really

not jealous

but envious of them

i mean they just made out in the park

for the first time

what a couple of cuties

i told that person i was going to post about wanting a make-out buddy on the next dave update

like it was another contest

because i mean someone entered the last one

so maybe someone will enter this one ha ha

i'm not doing it now by the way

i'm just telling the story

i have enough pretend stuff in my life

i don't think someone making out with me because they're bored and figured "why not" is really what i need right now

i'm not sure what i need exists

but i still thought it would be funny to post a need for a make-out buddy

in the same way one might post a rideshare ad

"just need a quick lift to makeoutville"

"can't afford to rent but will chip in on gas"

"420 friendly?"

"ask your friends, if anyone can help it'd be appreciated"

so on so on

anyways

i hope something fun happens this weekend

i might not do the audition because they moved the shoot to friday

but i'm probably still going to talk to the director today

this is getting really long and i don't think it's a good one

i'm going to end it with a short list

of three things i'm not embarrassed to like:

1. early pj harvey

2. jazz music

not like free jazz

because i like that too but without embarrassment

i'm talking like sort of smooth jazz

like the music in the movie "comedian"

or the music in that show "louie"

that's not really smooth jazz but it's a little stuffy shirt jazz

(as though that's a term)

3. hm

i'm not sure what else i can think of

romance

i haven't really admitted that lately

because i've been without it for so long

i mean i'm not even talking about sex or connection or whatever

i mean saying nice things to someone you're dating i guess

love, whatever

i was in love with someone for about a week

nearly a year ago

i mean i loved her for longer

but we were in love for about a week

i think most of my other relationships involved us being deep in "like"

or being very much a one-way "love"

which isn't really capital l Love i guess

love

call it a guilty pleasure

oi how this child will suffer

if anyone knows what movie that is from

text or call 510 575 HISS

and we can either make out

or i will do your laundry

this is a quote from my book

"My father tells me on the phone about when he quit smoking, how he just decided to stop and did it, suddenly it just wasn't a part of who he was and it was his decision to make it that way and I find it funny because that's exactly how I quit, even though I've since restarted one and a half years after the fact. I wonder if he knows this, and if that's why he's bringing it up. I think about coincidences and how they're often false associations, as invented as any lie. I think about what a good liar I am and decide that maybe that's a lie too."

this has been a pretty damn long dave update