hey y'all

don't mean to gloat

but TEN STRAIGHT FREECELL WINS

IN A ROW

whut up nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ladies

unemployment has been very productive

i saw the "puppy episode" of ellen

tried FIRE ROASTED peanuts

and i've gotten like, REALLY good at masturbating

been trying a new two-handed technique

i don't recommend it for beginners

but if you can pull it off?

(no pun intended)

shit is GOLD

it's like two depressing people

are fighting over who gets to hold your depressing penis

if your hands are out of sync it helps the illusion even more

this has been a brief but thoroughly repulsive dave update and i'm sorry i wrote it