hi there

it's dave

hello

i'm feeling weird right now because i'm POSITIVE i just heard my little gchat thing go off

as though someone were talking to me

VIA THE INTERNET

what a brave new world

but i looked on there and saw NOTHING

i even searched my mail for "chat"

to see if i'd accidentally closed it

NOTHING

nothing new at least

annoying

that's like the new phantom ring for me

i always keep gmail open at work

and at the bottom of the screen

so you can always see if you have new mail

or if someone's chatting you up

but i always have to do double takes

it's EXACTLY like a phantom ring

not exactly but close

OK

JEEZ

WHAT A STORY

anyways

"theo"

i remembered!

i also sent myself a reminder that said "e-mail dan savage about sensitive man dick syndrome"

but that's ANOTHER story

hahahahahaha

i thought about explaining it because that sounds so fucking weird

and it's not at all

but fuck it

it's funnier to let you figure out what that means

i got really stoned last night, i was having such great ideas

just getting really creative

we watched "singapore sling" which i'm going to google right now

because it was genuinely MIND-BLOWING

like, unreal how good it was

wait here

ok

apparently it won some awards but was also banned in a bunch of places

it was seriously great

really really filthy at times

like, a woman fucks a dude tied to a bed and then vomits on him

BUT

i swear to you it's totally good beyond that

maybe i should have said despite that but that scene was kind of amazing

i kept on thinking throughout it that i wanted to write the director a letter

that's all

BUT

before we started watching singapore sling

i was sitting down with my roommate

and i've been kinda wanting to talk with him for a bit

just because i feel like something's up

i don't want to get into details

but i was sitting down

kind of rehearsing how i was gonna bring it up with him

(in my head of course)

i was thinking of stuff like "hey man, you doin' alright lately?"

"just wanted to check in, cuz like, you're my bud an'all"

"if things got ya down, we can talk about it, you know"

"i mean if you just want to kick it that's cool too but..."

"i'm here for you man"

that kind of stuff

but when he came downstairs to sit next to me

i thought to myself

"well, is this gonna work? is this gonna be helpful?"

and then i thought about the way i had been "saying" it in my head

and all i could think was "it might work but...."

"just don't talk in the 'theo from the cosby show' accent"

i don't know which of my many personalities chimed in with that insight

but they were RIGHT ON

the whole time in my head i was definitely doing it in the theo accent

and THEN i couldn't STOP doing the theo accent

so i couldn't even talk to my roommate

this is why i can't talk about feelings you guys

not because i'm embarrassed

i mean i don't know if anything embarrasses me any more

probably some things but nothing important i guess

but i just really like doing accents

hahahahahahahhahahaa

i don't think this is funny to anyone but me

but holy shit is it funny to me

maybe you had to be there

and by "there"

i mean "me"

not everyone can be so lucky

ha ha ha ha

this has been the dave update