hi there

heyyyyyyy

new zola jesus

cool

MAN

last night

while in bed

i had an idea for today's dave update

TOTALLY forgot it now

i think it might have been about how i'm 29 and still have a total baby face

kind of

it's like a baby face from far away

and then close up i just look like shit

ha ha

but like

YOUNG shit

i just shaved my beard

which seriously lowers my age by like 5 or 6 years

i'm gonna get carded for a couple weeks now

whoaaaaaa

new zola jesus is going for it

i like it but it's a little weird

i mean not really

i don't know

nick and i were talking about the new girls record the other day

(hi nick!)

and i was telling him i didn't really care about what i heard from it

because it just sounded so live, it sounded like a live rock record

not in the way it was recorded

just in the way where

hm

it sounds like the songs are "made to ROCK" in a live setting

in a bad way

this new ZJ sounds like that in a good way maybe?

but i don't know, volume swells are a little generic but these ones have layers

bah

i'm gonna stop trying to explain why i like or don't like what i like or don't like

STOP THINKING ABOUT IT

last night was really odd

there was some strange tension when i got home

and something in me knew "STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT"

so that's what i did

but then i was like

"well"

"what the fuck else do i want to do?"

last night was actually a bit of a bummer

i just didn't want to do nothing

so i just cleaned my room

which actually felt pretty good this morning

i love when you wake up and forgot you cleaned

and now, later, i'm gonna go home and it's gonna be clean

y'all wanna hear a kind of silly thing i do?

don't worry it's not gross

so remember in LA Story?

when steve martin's shitty girlfriend is explaining her theory about accessories?

of course you do, oh, what's her name again

marlo something?

marla something?

WHATEVER

not sarah jessica parker and not that british lady

but she says that she'll get ready

and then go to the mirror and turn away from it

when she turns back to it she takes off the first thing she notices

i do that when i'm rearranging

i go outside and then walk back in

and see what i notice and what i like and what i don't like

it's a little silly but it works well

i also do other silly things

liiiiiike hm

i don't know

lately i don't microwave stuff unless i have to

that's not really that silly though

hm

i thought i was supposed to be "quirky"

isn't that in my life description?

where are the silly things i do???

sudoku doesn't count

oh i have a really hard time tipping someone when they're RIGHT THERE

except bartenders because it's so standard

i would have a really hard time not tipping a bartender when they're RIGHT THERE

but like baristas or whatever?

it's so awkward!

especially if you sort of know them? because you've been coming in a lot?

today the barista at the cafe on my corner

(5th & homeless jack-off alley)

(in case you wanna google it)

noticed that i shaved my beard

she told me it looks good and said my name

that second part sounds innocuous but it was strange

because i know someone else's name there

but not hers

and she definitely doesn't know my name from me

things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMMM

so

only last year

did i realize that people MIGHT talk about me when i am not there

it came to me because of something a now ex-friend said

it was actually a totally rude thing to say

which in light of how our friendship ended should have been something of a red flag

i'm not going to say it here

actually you know what?

fuck it

i am going to say it here

because it's something else i have an opinion on

he said that he and someone else were talking

and they both agreed that i was "super into the ladies" or something like that

which i know on paper doesn't really sound that rude but i was really offended by the way he put it

i don't know, it pisses me off that i apparently have something of a reputation for this

because

while i'm not going to pretend i'm not interested in women

and i'm maybe a little over-eager to make a connection with someone

(please note)

(if i meant "get laid" in that last sentence)

(i would say "get laid")

(it sounds corny but i said "make a connection")

(because that's what i want)

(SO THERE)

but i don't know, i feel like if you have a reputation for being "super into the ladies"

then you sound like a womanizing horn-dog

AND I'M NOT

besides

i haven't been on a real date in like welllllllll over a year

so take that, "reputation"

sorry to get distracted by that but that's a pretty sincere frustration

i don't care much about what people think about me

i know people think i'm a sap or dense or a wide variety of things

but i just don't ever want to be seen as someone who uses anyone

i just think that's a fucked up thing, male or female

ok

should i even tell the story about learning about people talking about me?

i've been typing awhile

who cares

i haven't had a good long dave update in awhile

so anyways

i don't know, it really only registered to me this year that people might talk about me when i'm not around

because for one i don't think people ever did before

i mean probably not in arizona

no one gave a shit about me in arizona until about 3 months before i left

3 months before i left MAN i was hot shit

ha ha

not really but i just met more people and "widened my social circle"

and then i left and people probably said stuff like

"did dave leave already?"

"too bad"

"he owed me money"

"guess that's $5 i'll never see again"

but last year was the first year i ever heard someone talk shit about me with me not there

i mean WHY BOTHER san francisco?

that's like tripping a cripple

hm

this direction isn't really the well of creativity i'd hoped for

although i do like the way tripping a cripple sounds out loud

ok

this is probably enough

i like this new zola jesus

this has been the dave update