hi there

it's calmed down a little at work

and i felt bad about today's dave update being a total gyp

jip?

i think gyp

i think it's actually a racist term

like "those damn gypsies ripped me off again"

"whatta gyp"

i mean i'm not even gonna look this one up

because if you combine the word gypsy and rip off

what do you get?

(ok, take away the word off)

anyways

this is a really appropriate tangent to start off on

because the reason i wanted to do a real dave update

is because i was walking outside

and i smelled this particular odor

which always makes me think the exact same racist thought

which is really fucked up

but i always think it automatically

it's from my childhood

my brother was a chess champion

and always used to play at the jewish community center

they had chess nights there weekly

and it was RANK

it smelled so gross

it was like smelling under-ripe babies

or maybe under-ripe old people

i don't know

it was just a mix of BO and ROTTEN

i was really young in this memory

like too young to really understand race or anything

i remember a different racist thought i had at that age

where i was on the swim team

and i had a contest with my friends to see who would get the most tan over the summer

and of course the black kid won

i thought he must be hawaiian because when garfield went to hawaii all the people there were darker

i mean I DIDN'T KNOW!

i grew up in arizona

black people weren't around!

no one with black skin thinks to themselves

"let's move somewhere dry and hot"

"and redneck and shitty"

"so we can get called racial slurs as we roast in the sun"

well i guess maybe that kid on the swim team's parents thought that

WHATEVER

anyways

the jewish community center smelled awful

and i never realized that that particular odor

probably had more to do with the fact that this was where nerdy sweaty chess enthusiasts

went to go meet all their peers

and drool over the one lady who showed up

and i just figured

"well"

"this is the only place i've ever been that is explicitly 'jewish'"

"and this is really the only place where i've smelled this smell"

"so i guess this is how jewish people smell"

"man, jewish people stink"

(i hope that comes up on my search keywords this week)

so

obviously

i no longer think that smell has anything to do with being jewish

but occassionally

(like for instance when i'm walking outside of my work today)

i'll smell that particular odor

and i'll think to myself, automatically

"smells like a jew out here"

THERE IT IS YOUNG DAVERS

MY MOST SECRET RACIAL PREJUDICE

PLEASE SEND ALL ANGRY E-MAILS TO:

IHATEYOURARTSCHOOL AT GMAIL

this has been a reprehensible dave update