hi there

maaaaan

i've been hella INTERNET today

not feeling great about it

but it's cool

i mean

it's okay

(it's not really "cool" to be hella internet)

(since when have i started saying hella?)

this is a pretty surprising start to this dave update

i just re-read everything i've read so far

who am i

yeeeeeep

ha ha ha

yeeeeeep

ha

...

hm

yeeeeeep is still kind of making me laugh

yeeeeeep

oh lordy

i'm not going to even bother re-reading this crap

who needs an editor

ok

i've been on the internet a lot today

which is a little embarrassing to admit

but whatever

DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE

i started a bandcamp site

ha ha ha

mostly because someone at work mentioned how you never hear about good music on bandcamp

so i figured sign me up!

ha ha

(sometimes when i type "ha ha")

(i'm not really laughing)

actually it was because i'm really disorganized

and i knew that a lot of the older tapes i put out were still somewhere on my computer

so i figured i would start a bandcamp site

and then i wouldn't feel awful if my computer exploded

ihateyourartschool.bandcamp.com

sorry the dave update is getting so fucking corporate

i should take out google ads

for a day

it'll be like a dave update sale

where instead of you saving money by shopping with me

i get money off you for coming onto my blog

ha ha ha

i wonder how i could actually do that?

i don't get how google ads work

i just don't want to have to pay for performing this critical public service every day

(usually not on weekends though, hm)

(YOU'RE WELCOME BY THE WAY)

(man no wonder i don't normally do these on weekends)

(weekend dave is a weird dude)

hoo boy

this is too much

this might be the first dave update i delete

i'm getting stupider

the wire is melting my brain

i bet i wouldn't be doing any better in baltimore at least

this has been the (weekend) dave update

hello

hoo boy

i am tired today

show last night was really fun

all the bands were rad

i thought we played pretty well too

that was the first waste rig show i felt pretty good about

the first one i played my amp blew like 2 seconds into it

the second one was the first one we'd played with the new drummer

i had gotten out of the hospital the day prior

and hadn't even met the new drummer yet

it was um, rocky

but last night was a good time

ha ha

my co-worker just asked me how the show went

i should have just told him to read the dave update

i found a problem with the dave update yesterday

i was telling marissa a story

(hi marissa! have fun on tour)

and midway through it she was like

"dave i read about this"

does the dave update mean i can't tell stories any more?

NO

i'm choosing to look at it like

the dave update means that you just need to live more stories

maybe that's a discovery that i've made

writing can only happen if you have an excess of words

it's like a lemonade stand

you don't start a lemonade stand if you only have enough lemonade for yourself

unless that lemonade stand is just a drug front

in which case i guess you don't even need lemonade at all

for the record the dave update is not a drug front

we're a legitimate blog

not like tmz which is clearly just a cover for perez hilton's ecstacy ring

or brooklynvegan, i think they're some sort of a child prostitution thing

like if you enter an annoying comment on that site it's really just code for

please send me an underage person to have sex with

actually i think that's all blogs

any time you post something stupid on the internet

someone at pitchfork sends you a child prostitute

and gorilla vs bear films you having sex

so don't piss anyone off at gorilla vs bear

because they'll post the video

true story, every word

you know what's rad?

at like 6 o'clock today

i can go home

and do fucking NOTHING

and go to sleep

and i won't have to work tomorrow

isn't that rad?

i thought so too

ok

i feel like the blog mafia bit is enough for today

510575HISS.tumblr.com

next show is tuesday

this has been the dave update

hey you

kinda braindead right now

how are you?

hm

i would like a shoulder rub

we got promos of christian electronic music

2 cds by some group or dj or whatever

named "messiah"

it seems a little weird for someone really into jesus

to named THEMSELVES messiah

but WHATEVER

i actually really want to listen to it but i know it'll not be as funny as it sounds

you know i just assumed that this was electronic music

by the packaging

but i'm looking at it again and it really might be christian metal

i'll throw these on later

could be good for a laugh

i feel like i sound like someone who is pretending that he's being casual

but i have a bigger plan in mind

"hey i'll just throw on these christian metal cds, good for a laugh huh? right fellas?"

"hey this isn't so bad, maybe jesus isn't so bad, right guys?"

"does anyone want to go to church?"

ha ha

i'm too tired right now to know if that's funny or not

you know

i wanted to do these daily

because...

well because nothing

i don't have to be able to explain why to everything

because because damnit

i feel like i've done a surprisingly good job of remembering to do this

(except weekends, oops)

but some days i start typing and i just know that i really have nothing to say

and whatever i write is not going to be that interesting

but i do it anyways because because damnit

i started to type a reason but because because damnit is the only reason i need

because

because

damnit

anyways

today is one of those days

kinda been one of those weeks huh?

i don't know if i've had a good one this week

although the really racist one was pretty good

oh!

footnote to that story

since i told you that story

i've smelled that smell twice

and both times

um

it might totally have been me

it may be me who smells like a jew

how's that for dramatic irony?

it's like a fire station exploding

ugh i need to start applying for more craigslist talent gigs

this life needs more weird right now

i know i complain about sometimes having too absurd an existence

but right now i need to do different things i think

also i should shower more

i've been really good about keeping the house clean but man i gotta get this jew-stink off me

ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH

that's the last time i'm making that joke

i could resist there but now i've gone too far

i'm gonna put myself in time-out

i did this to myself buster

this has been the dave update

hi there

MAAAAAAAAAAAN

yesterday i got a damn flat tire

what a pain

gah

BUMMER

bleh

damn

shoot

maaaaaan

sigh

hmph

ok

i really don't care

so i started a different thing for when/where i'm playing next:

510575HISS.tumblr.com

check it out

also if anyone knows how to actually make these sites look less awful

get in touch?

i don't know how to do this computer stuff at all

more like CONFUSER am i right?

i think i stole that joke from newsradio

anyways

um

bahhhhhhh

later

this has been the dave update

hey there

let's talk about today

today is a tuesday

it's a little cold

i haven't checked the news but i'll do that now to see what's going on in the world

(i'm gonna keep typing while i let my news pages load)

today is payday i think

that's good

i'm broke

not that a paycheck is REALLY gonna fix that

hm

"friends, family say goodbye to winehouse"

someone last night was comparing amy winehouse to janis joplin

this is part of why i'm focusing on TODAY

we don't need to think about last night any more ha ha

hm what else

i've been staring at this screen for awhile now

can't really think of anything else about today

hm

i want a back rub

this has been a lackluster dave update

hi there

it's calmed down a little at work

and i felt bad about today's dave update being a total gyp

jip?

i think gyp

i think it's actually a racist term

like "those damn gypsies ripped me off again"

"whatta gyp"

i mean i'm not even gonna look this one up

because if you combine the word gypsy and rip off

what do you get?

(ok, take away the word off)

anyways

this is a really appropriate tangent to start off on

because the reason i wanted to do a real dave update

is because i was walking outside

and i smelled this particular odor

which always makes me think the exact same racist thought

which is really fucked up

but i always think it automatically

it's from my childhood

my brother was a chess champion

and always used to play at the jewish community center

they had chess nights there weekly

and it was RANK

it smelled so gross

it was like smelling under-ripe babies

or maybe under-ripe old people

i don't know

it was just a mix of BO and ROTTEN

i was really young in this memory

like too young to really understand race or anything

i remember a different racist thought i had at that age

where i was on the swim team

and i had a contest with my friends to see who would get the most tan over the summer

and of course the black kid won

i thought he must be hawaiian because when garfield went to hawaii all the people there were darker

i mean I DIDN'T KNOW!

i grew up in arizona

black people weren't around!

no one with black skin thinks to themselves

"let's move somewhere dry and hot"

"and redneck and shitty"

"so we can get called racial slurs as we roast in the sun"

well i guess maybe that kid on the swim team's parents thought that

WHATEVER

anyways

the jewish community center smelled awful

and i never realized that that particular odor

probably had more to do with the fact that this was where nerdy sweaty chess enthusiasts

went to go meet all their peers

and drool over the one lady who showed up

and i just figured

"well"

"this is the only place i've ever been that is explicitly 'jewish'"

"and this is really the only place where i've smelled this smell"

"so i guess this is how jewish people smell"

"man, jewish people stink"

(i hope that comes up on my search keywords this week)

so

obviously

i no longer think that smell has anything to do with being jewish

but occassionally

(like for instance when i'm walking outside of my work today)

i'll smell that particular odor

and i'll think to myself, automatically

"smells like a jew out here"

THERE IT IS YOUNG DAVERS

MY MOST SECRET RACIAL PREJUDICE

PLEASE SEND ALL ANGRY E-MAILS TO:

IHATEYOURARTSCHOOL AT GMAIL

this has been a reprehensible dave update

hi there

no real time for a dave update today

check ya later

this has barely been the dave update

hello

little late for a dave update don't you think?

mind your own business

yup

the last episode of the sopranos was a total cop out

that was BULL

and not in the "what happened next" bullshit effect

i just think why bother to devote 6 or 7 or how ever many seasons

to this fictional character and the invented world he or they inhabit

why wouldn't you finish the story?

unless you're looking for some hack-off way to get some buzz around the water-cooler

plus FUCK JOURNEY

it's gotta be said

everything i hate about rock music is pretty well summed up by journey

and everything i hate about most people is pretty well summed up by the public resurgence of journey

i feel like the grammar on that last line is off but i needed the repetition

hahahahahahahaha

after i typed that

i crossed my arms and FROWNED at my computer

for like a couple minutes actually

sometimes it's funny to observe yourself and realize what a dope you are

wow i really want a veggie burger, i'm thinking about going to berkeley just to call to smart alec's

that place is really really good

i mean sort of, it's okay

but i just really really like the fast food veggie burger option

and i don't feel like i'm being totally gross there

plus CHEAP

so there you go

oh i could go to in and out burger and get a grilled cheese

hm

not the same

san francisco has the most obnoxious food scene

there's no good local cheap eats

i mean where can you get a reasonable sandwich, chips, and a drink for under $10?

NOWHERE THAT'S WHERE

ten dollars in and of itself is too much to pay for that

and don't tell me to cook for myself buddy because i do cook

but my kitchen is a tattoo parlor right now

and sometimes you want someone else to make you a damn sandwich

without feeling like a damn john in the process

hahahahahahahahah

i am making myself laugh right now

drew stuff earlier, WHATEVER

i got a call last night at 4:45 in the morning from a 510 number

suspicious

that's what happens when you give out your phone number on the internet

i didn't hear it though so whatever

WHATEVER WHATEVER WHATEVER

why is smart alec's so far away?

closest thing here is super duper burgers

shit is too expensive though

THIS IS WHAT I'M GRIPING ABOUT

i remember when mama buzz used to have good cheap sandwiches

now shit is like 9-10 there

their beer is INSANE too

$8 a bottle i think last time i was there

i think sandwiches should cost A DOLLAR

NOT A PENNY MORE

this is AMERICA

hm

i think this rant has run its course

if anyone has any cheap eats recommendations for a grumpy vegetarian

510 575 HISS

any time, even 4:45 in the morning

love you

(not really)

this has been the dave update

hi there

wow

i'm up early

woke up like an hour ago and just couldn't get back to sleep

feel good though

last night was SO FUN

the tunnel was amazing

it sounded incredible

i will definitely be playing there again

people came by and told me they could hear it from above the tunnel

jacy told me it sounded even more enormous the further away from me you got

it was the most fun i've had playing in awhile

next one is next tuesday, don't know where

after the show i went to the lab

it was fun

i feel like i never go out any more so it was rad to show up and see people i don't often see

yeah i feel good

maybe too good to rant to myself

i don't feel like typing right now

i should take a shower but i'm gonna put on pajamas and make coffee and watch shit on my computer

today i think i'm gonna clean house some

and then tonight is alvarius b at the hemlock

EXCITEMENT

possibility..............

hahahahahahahhahahahaha

this has been the dave update

hellllloooooooooooo

how are you

i feel like i have a lot to talk about today

first things first

joan rivers on louie blew my mind

i just watched that episode last night

it was so funny

i watched that joan rivers documentary

"joan rivers: a piece of work"

mostly i wanted to see it because it's called

"joan rivers: a piece of work"

and to me that's just god damn hilarious

but i have to say it didn't really sell me on joan rivers as much as i'd have liked

i mean watching her old stand-up was something of a revelation

she is FUNNY

and really racy too

she was telling abortion jokes like 30 fucking years ago

i mean that's impressive

but in the movie she still manages to come off as fairly phony

there's definitely some interesting scenes and it's a good movie either way

but i was hoping for something a little more...

uh

fulfilling i guess?

i don't know

it was good but not great

but what struck me while i was watching her on louie

was how much more real she was while "acting" than in that movie

it was really good, i saved it because i knew i'd want to watch it again

mmmmm this is good coffee!

i like when coffee is just warm

and you put enough milk in there that it's really smooth

i feel like i'm sipping on ribbons right now

what else

i'm totally blanking now

i guess it's bad luck to start dave updates with

"i feel like i have so much to talk about today"

i had A LOT to talk about last night

i think maybe i need to start doing these at night

but then i wouldn't be getting paid for them

i like doing these at work because then when people ask me what i do

i can say

"i work at a record distributor"

"but i do some writing on the side, you know, make a little extra cash"

ha ha ha

um

today i'm playing the stockton tunnel

as you likely know

7:56 pm

i am very excited for this one, i've always wanted to play music in a tunnel

i also want to play music on a bus but that seems much harder

oh wait

i just remembered that i have played music on a bus

DUH

the first hiss & hum show was on a bus

it was with rxccxxns and juliana barwick

as well as dethbox and diarreha til you die

yup

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ok

who knows

this has been the dave update

hello

yesterday was weird

i feel like i went a little crazy yesterday

not like went wild and crazy partying

not like got really upset and started smashing things crazy

like i think last night i went a little insane

i was kind of depressed all day

and then i came home and our kitchen had turned into a tattoo parlor

which was pretty cool actually

the roommates had cut up all these trashbags to hang from the ceiling

to create a sterile environment

i'm not sure how sterile anything in our house is ha ha

i don't know, it was just weird though

i felt very strange and i went to bed and i felt like i was making no sense

i don't know how to describe it outside of:

yesterday i feel like i went a little insane

one of my favorite san francisco stories took place in dolores park

i was at one of those generator punk shows that they used to have in the corner of the park

kind of near the muni stop and the basketball courts

anyways, it was a nice day, summer i think

the bands were all typical bay area punk bands but it was low-key and fun

people were dancing but not going crazy

(this time i DO mean getting wild)

then this one dude comes in and starts playing a little rough

he's pushing people around and swinging his arms

which i mean, yes, it IS a punk show

but there were like, 5-year-olds at the show

so it was a little much

i can't remember if people tried to calm him down or point out the kids to him

what i DO remember is someone smashing a 40 over his head

it was really casual, he just sort of walked up to him and went BOOM

the guy was knocked back

(obviously)

but not knocked out

he put his hand to his head and looked at the dude and said

"hey, what was that for???"

(meanwhile the band was still finishing a song)

they argued for a little bit but were absurdly polite to one another

both of them even apologized to each other

the non-mosher was like "hey i'm sorry it came to that, but we needed you to stop immediately and i didn't know what else to do"

the other dude, while blood was pouring down his face said something like

"hey sorry you wasted your beer"

that bottle was like at least half full

after the band finished that song they turned their amps about 90 degrees

(the drummer just stayed put)

and everyone moved in front of them to get away from the broken glass

it was the most peaceful confrontation i've ever seen

maybe that story doesn't really have the umph it used to

it's been awhile since i thought about it and i feel like i'm forgetting details

i was still fairly new up here, i know i was there with katie

who was someone i was briefly engaged to but not that serious with

oh katie

i liked her a lot

i had a grown-up moment with her just recently

i ran into her on my lunch break and we went and got a taco together

it was fun though it's sometimes a little sad to see her

i always felt like that girl was just so much "wiser" than me

"more wise?"

WHATEVER

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm so excited for friday

i always loved this idea of just playing in public

at a really specific time too

it makes it more of an event

not like a capital E Event

like hannibal crossing the alps or something like that

but like a much less IMPORTANT event

maybe like a cousin you didn't know dying?

i'm not really finding an apt metaphor for this am i?

oh well

it doesn't matter

nothing at all matters

so listen to metal and get high

the end

this has been the dave update

hello-o-o-o

very tired again today

need coffee

wait here

ok

today i bought a drink called peach mangosteen

needs more mangosteen

hahahahahahahahaha

NEEDS MORE MANGOSTEEN

god that just looks hilarious to me

it's probably not very funny

to any of YOU

but whatever

after work yesterday i went biking around looking for places to play music

san francisco is a lot less "covered" than i expected

i keep going to areas where i remembered something kind of cool

but it's always open air above it

which never sounds that good

music outside only works with a boombox ha ha

anyways

the attentive dave update reader may notice that i've added a "page" to this blog

that will let you know when and where i'll be playing music next

that way i don't have to ruin the dave update by goin BLAH BLAH BLAH about directions

next one is friday

in the stockton tunnel

BLAH BLAH BLAH

went to bed early again last night

not AS early but early

we watch a lot of damn tv at the new place

it's just because we're all hooked on the sopranos again

but for real

a lot of damn tv

hm

i've been deleting a lot of stuff from dave updates lately

i just wrote "listened to moondog last night as i went to sleep"

and then thought for a little while

and deleted it

because i didn't feel like talking about what i listened to as i fell asleep

hm

i don't feel like talking about anything really

i feel like playing guitar in the stockton tunnel

and that's all

this has been a fairly dull dave update

hello

went to bed early last night

i almost never do that

i went to bed at like 11 or something

and went right to sleep too, also rare

i think maybe i forgot to have dinner last night

that may have some relevance

i'm just staring at my computer right now

uli apparently sold this xtc record

that we're listening to

i wonder if it's inevitable that people who collect records just have to sell them off

i'm kind of ready to be honest

i watched that movie beginners on saturday

it was good

but one thing that came to mind

the female character lives in hotels

she's an actress

and i could never do that

i kind of wish i could

i wish my life were mobile enough that i could move on a moment's notice

i mean i have a really really ugly suitcase that i love

if i could just live out of there maybe i would be happier?

maybe not though

i mean all my music gear takes up more than a small suitcase

sighhhhhhhhhhhh

maybe i just need start dating beautiful french women who are inexplicably fascinated by me

and i need to start tagging places

and start wearing fancy neckerchiefs

man those fuckers looked good on the gay dad

stylish look

good movie

um

the next hiss & hum show will be either friday or next tuesday

not sure

i'm gonna go for a ride today and try to find a different area

i guess

i might just go home and listen to moondog

you really never know

just got a call from uc berkeley

apparently i am still crazy enough to be considered for their study on moods

or something

i don't really know what the study is about

all i know is it pays $15 an hour

FINALLY being crazy counts for something

ok

this is plenty i guess

this has been the dave update

hey there

MON-DAY

blah

yesterday was fun

the power station lasted about 30 minutes

the patio i chose was right next to a restaurant apparently

so i went and played at the muni stop instead

it was cool

i was right in the middle of traffic

and muni trains would come by as well

and i looked up and saw the lights come on the bay bridge

played ok too i felt

i kept on feeling these strong breezes from traffic

which for some reason made me want to SHRED

it was really fun

i have some spots in mind for the next one but don't really know when i can do it

i'll let you know

we've been watching the sopranos too much at the house right now

chris moltisanti was in my dream last night

yelling at me

i think even if you're not familiar with the show

you can probably safely assume it was not a pleasant dream

this morning i was even talking at my alarm clock in a mobster voice

when i slapped the snooze button i thought to myself

"let's see what you think about THIS"

SLAP

i need to watch something other than the sopranos for awhile

i need to not watch anything for awhile

i need to do something wholesome for a minute

not wholesome really

just like, different

i want to go to the zoo

and not just because they go to the zoo in the sopranos

and look at the apes and then fuck in the snake room

sigh

ok

later this week i'll mention where the next show will be

i found some cool places in the financial district

not sure which one i'm gonna use though

man yesterday was fun

yawnnnnnnnn

okkkkkkk

byeeeeeee

this has been the dave update

hey

what's up

it's dave

i know two weekend updates

in the SAME WEEKEND

lucky you

i wanted to tell this story from yesterday

but first let me restart "cruising in the lizzymobile"

AHHHHH this song RULES

ok

last night i went to a show

which was fun

a little weird, felt really old

but that was probably just because i was much older than most of the people there

no big deal

as i was there some friends rode by

stopped to chat

they were en route to amnesia

so i said i'd meet them there

and headed over afterwards

when i got there i was like, damn i need to eat

so i walked to get a slice

and on my walk back i thought to myself

"i really just wanna go home"

"i kind of have to pee"

so i decided to just hang out for a minute in front of amnesia

and if it was fun maybe i'd pay and go in

if not i could just go to phoenix bar and pee and go home

so i got there

and bumped into my friend rob who i haven't seen in awhile

i said hi even though he was talkin to a ladyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

and we talked for like a second

when i got in a weird mood and just felt like kind of teasing him

so i was like, hey, you look good

and he said you too

and i said that makes me feel good, i'd heard some rumors about you

but like in a jokey voice

but he was kind of taking it serious

"what did you hear," etc

i said "just some things. but you're good?"

and he was like yeah, great

so i said "ok cool, well i just came down here to check on you, stay good"

and started to walk away, still as a joke

and he was like "wait, you're not gonna hang out?"

and i stopped and said "no, i was just checking on you"

and then "hey, can i see your hands real quick?"

he laughed but showed them to me

and i grabbed them and looked into them deeply

flipped them over

and said "yeah, you look good. see ya later"

as i walked away i thought about what i might say to him when i came back

but then after like a dozen paces or so

i heard rob say "that was really weird"

and i knew that my best move here would be to actually go home

and just let him sweat it until i bump into him next

hahahahahahahaha

sorry rob, my loyalty is to the joke

this has been the dave update

hi there

weekend update

ha ha

doesn't often happen

i got a power station

i'm looking at it right now

it has a red light shining that means "charging"

so tomorrow i'll be playing at that same place

the wharton school of university of pennslvania

i'm confident that i'm mis-spelling pennslvania every time

definitely missing a letter

http://tinyurl.com/6b4cme4

that is the place

8:38 PM

WEATHER PERMITTING

i didn't check the weather but if it's raining i'm not moving from this couch

you know what, i just looked at that map and that's not EXACTLY where it is

go to folsom and spear, walk towards harrison

call me if you're lost

510 575 HISS

also, if you want to come by my place before hand and get a ride

get in touch

or if you can drive me

get in touch

um what else

got too drunk last night

sometimes once i start drinking i really can't stop

got really drunk and then HAD to fall asleep

going to go see a movie

ok

bye

love you

not really

this has been the dave update

hi there

my head hurts a little

man i had things i wanted to talk about but nothing is coming to mind right now

these last few dave updates have been a little deeeeeep anyways

maybe i should talk about food today

lately i have been eating like, nothing but bread

oh i had soup last night though

with a lot of pepper and garlic salt

garlic salt

it was the first time i ever added garlic salt to soup instead of just salt

bit of a gamble but it paid off

i love soft pretzels

soft pretzels are one of my favorite foods

with that shitty cheez-whiz dipping sauce

one of my favs

it makes me think of being young, like 6 or 8 or something

when i was a kid i played like every sport possible

not because i liked sports at all

though i like some of them

but because we had a family business

that made sports uniforms for local teams

like pop warner football and little league baseball and all that shit

so i played everything

baseball

football

basketball

soccer

indoor soccer

swim team

i was a really good swimmer, still really love being in the water

i just can't do it competitively, it's not fun

also, the sound of races is horrible

racing

the sound of racing in water

HORRIBLE

next time you go swimming

bob your head in and out of the water for a little while

and tell me that's not an obnoxious sound

and combine that with people yelling and crap and it's just horrible

nearly ruined the water for me

which would be horrible, i love the water

i like to go deep underwater and just flip and spin and twist

and then when i get tired i like to get out of the water

and eat soft pretzels with cheese

and drink iced tea

i also like to lie on top of people or have people lie on top of me

not like in parallel or completely on top

like head in lap and what not

what else do i like

i like giving people compliments

especially when they "earn" them

i like to play guitar

like, a lot

it's amazing how bad i am at the guitar though

i've been playing for like

hm

i'm gonna do the math

maybe 17 years??????

jesus christ

that's insane

there are a lot of people who are alive

and i have been playing guitar

for a longer period of time

than they have been alive

that's crazy

hm

i'm sorry i'm distracted with stuff right now

maybe this is enough

hopefully getting a powerstation this weekend so shows are coming soon

stay tuned

call me this weekend because i want to see you

510 575 HISS

ok

this has been the dave update

hey there

soooooo tireddddddddd

don't even really know why

stayed up late talking to my brother

drank a little too much

whatevsssssss

i should probably start working today

i got here late and have just been dicking around so far

hm

i'm too tired

all i have are ideas

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok

not today

this has been the dave update

hi there

i look much better without a beard

today i remembered being in high school

and there being like a 2-3 month period

where the same question kept on coming up in conversation

of

"would you rather know the truth"

"or be happy living a lie?"

my answer was always "know the truth"

because i felt like

(and still feel like, mostly)

there's a serenity in knowledge that ignorance can't achieve

but lately i feel like everything i used to believe is a little off

so maybe this is too

i mean there's definitely things i would rather just not know

for example

if someone made me a delicious home cooked meal

that had just a trace of bacon in it

i would rather just not know

even though i'm a vegetarian

this is not an invitation to cook me something with bacon in it

i'm just saying

i'd rather eat it and wonder why my stomach hurt a little bit later

than know that there's bacon in it and i can't partake in this meal that someone graciously cooked

even though, come on, if you're cooking for someone you should know whether or not they're vegetarian

jeez i mean do your research

ha ha

these dave updates have been getting all deeeeeep lately

ANNOYING right?

sorry

i made stir fry last night

it was good

also i took a shower and shaved my beard

both were good

oh i came up with something of a joke

it's unpolished but man was i laughing when kim and i were talking about it

have you ever been to a fun parade?

ME NEITHER

how the fuck did we fuck up the parade?

a parade is when a bunch of people play rad music and dance in the streets

and people come out of their houses to join the celebration

i mean it's a moving party AND THEN SOME

and yet

i've NEVER been to a fun parade

WHAT THE FUCK

how do you fuck up a moving party?????

did you forget the music?

i had an idea

parades were coming up because we were watching treme and mardi gras was coming up

and i've been thinking about how cool it is when people start their own traditions

someone told me about this new years party they went to

where they had this elaborate way of telling your fortune for the new year

you'd make a floating ship

with a candle on it

and set it in this circular pool

where all these papers were lining the perimeter

and as your ship went around it

whatever paper it lit on fire was your fortune

you'd have to grab it quick and put it out

so you could read it

and if you didn't get it in time

then you just didn't know what the new year held in store

i love that

i mean think about it

every tradition started somewhere

as "something fun to do"

we need more of that

anyways

i started thinking about a san francisco version of mardi gras

and my idea was a parade down shotwell

that didn't really move per say

but there was a band on each corner

and you could just walk around and check out each band

and instead of passing out beads we would have paint balloons

that you would throw at anyone who was dressed too nice

seemed like fun to me

anyways

i just ate a bagel

mmm mmmm

this has been the dave update

sigh

hi there

hold on

i'm gonna get a donut

cuz FUCK IT

ok

back

this morning my leg hurts and i don't really understand why

it's freaking me out a little bit because it hurts in the way that my MRSA hurts

but the thing is I can't find anything on the leg that would suggest an infection

and it's in a different area than my MRSA was

same leg though

just well above the knee and on the front

it's probably nothing right?

i don't know

i'm concerned

i've been worrying about my mental health lately as well

and this actually relates

i realized the other day that i don't trust my body to give me accurate information

like when i'm in bed

and i feel a tickle on my leg that feels to me very obviously like a spider or something

i know that it won't be a spider unless it DEFINITELY is

this has come up enough throughout my life that it's something i've kind of trained in my life

like, i remember being a kid

and slapping my legs or whatever

and of course there was nothing there

it wasn't until i was like a teenager until i started to realize that these were...

um

"false positives" i guess?

i don't know

i'd like to apologize at this moment

to all readers who still assumed that they were reading the rants of a sane person

i can't imagine there's many of you left but sorry either way

sigh

sigh sigh

this is frustrating

especially since i bet this is all over nothing

tomorrow i will wake up and my leg will feel mostly better

i mean it feels like i bruised it somehow

but i'm sure it's nothing, probably just twisted it the wrong way

what else is going on

ugh

i don't know

this is part of a gchat i had the other day before i left work

with names hidden even though i don't think allison would care if you knew it was her

hahahahahahahaha

ANYWAYS:

me: i spent this whole weekend really stoned and trying to decide if i believe in an afterlife or not
 
XXXX: did you decide
6:41 PM 
me: i think some people get one and some people don't
  
i think that death is real but for some people when you die in this world sometimes you go to another one and sometimes you just die
6:42 PM 
i wrote about this a little in the dave update
6:43 PM 
short version: i've always been a nihilist but then i realized that being a nihilist and believing in an afterlife are not contradictory
  
so i'm thrown on the subject
6:44 PM 
even shorter version: dave's fun to hang out with lately
  
sigh
6:45 PM 
XXXX: but what reason is there to believe in an afterlife
 
me: none
  
i just believe that is possible, if we're guided by no facts then why is an afterlife off the table?
6:46 PM 
if everyone dies that's an absolute, and i don't believe absolutes are possible in a random world, you know?
  
i mean that's a pretty semantic argument but it's confusing me
6:47 PM 
XXXX: why are absolutes not possible
  
i answer your question with another question, sir
6:48 PM 
me: well, i'm cheating a little with this argument because i don't believe in intelligent design but absolutes imply a designer
  
if everything dies then life and death is a perfect system
6:49 PM 
XXXX: but not everything is born, and not everything has life
  
so it's not even an enclosed system
 
me: "everything that is born dies" - is that statement a fact?
6:50 PM 
XXXX: i have to think about that
  
"born" has different definitions for different communities
 
me: true
6:51 PM 
XXXX: i guess for all animals it is true
  
but not necessarily for plants or other forms of "life"
  
or star
  
s
  
or like a mountain or somethng
 
me: "everything sucks, fuck everything" - is that statement a fact?
  
hahahahahaha
6:52 PM 
XXXX: hahah
  
yes
  
very good
  
i think i might also be a nihilist of sorts
6:53 PM 
me: allison all this comes down too is i'm depressed and i feel like i've wasted my life and i've been finding comfort lately in the concept that when i die i'll be reborn as a kangaroo on the planet saturn
 
XXXX: no probably uranus
 
this has been the dave update

hi there

how are you?

whatever

what a dull weekend

i should stop thinking things like

"oh i just want to be lazy this weekend"

i did nothing this weekend

rewatched a season of the wire

and started watching treme

which is great, of course

played a bunch of music on sunday

not out in public obviously

stupid "guy who doesn't know what an ac outlet" is

oh well

i got it confused when i was calling around trying to find one too

people just say ac adapter too much, you get used to hearing it

i had a thought this weekend

where i was trying to identify one question to which you can reduce any serious disagreements

disagreements is kind of the wrong word

more like ideological conflicts?

ideological disagreements?

ideological farts.

that'll do

christ who cares

anyways

the question is impossible, of course

my answer though was pattern/chaos

at the time i was thinking that every ideological belief you hold is directly related to whether or not you believe life is governed by any sort of a pattern

no matter who small or seemingly insignificant

or if you're a person who believes life is governed by no patterns whatsoever and is more random and less static

i always thought i belonged in that latter category because i'm an atheist who doesn't really believe anything is special/sacred/whatever

but lately i've been thinking about how,

if life is in fact random and governed by nothing,

then things like a god or an afterlife or whatever the fuck don't really seem that absurd

i mean you'd think in a nihilist's world

things would just start disappearing or turning to stone or flying away or whatever

anyways

i feel like i've talked about this before

i kind of decided this weekend that i can't really commit to either option

i don't believe that life is 100% guided by any sort of pattern

i don't believe that life is 100% chaotic

sorry, this is getting weighty and boring

and now i've added statistics to the mix too so get ready for the THUNDER

ha ha

i sort of granted myself a "faith" option

it's kind of a cop out

it's where i decide that it doesn't matter what the fuck i think

because i'm going to be wrong anyways

and i choose to believe that the world is a mix of patterns vs chaos

maybe with a 60/40 balance

in either direction i guess

i'm just making this up anyways

anyways

this probably doesn't make much sense

or at least not as much sense as it made the other night

when i was really high and worried about kima from the wire

sigh

the game is rigged

this has been the dave update

hi there

i'm annoyed right now

but not discouraged

just so y'all know

there is a pretty big difference between an ac outlet and an ac adapter

and you should fucking know the difference for sure before you let someone travel an hour one-way to pick up something you've repeatedly claimed has an ac outlet

ok

i'm gonna try somewhere else later and will update you if it works

bye

this has been the dave update

hi there

so here's the deal

i'm very excited about this generator show idea

i'm like, a little embarrassed that i haven't been doing this since i got up here

oh wait

before i start that

this: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=super%2C+extrme%2C+gnarly%2C+overgrown+bushy%2C+hairy+hairy+pussy&l=1

ha ha ha ha

ok

IIIIIIIII think it's funny

so when i lived in arizona

i was in a band called the coke balloons

and we played weekly generator shows

they were fun

only occassionally would people come out for them

but irregardless it was fun

when we were in arizona we'd just call/text people like an hour before showtime

with a location and the time we were gonna start

we had a huge list of people, it got to be a bit of a headache honestly ha ha ha

but in az everyone has a car or knows someone who has a car

so getting somewhere in like ten minutes isn't really that tricky

NOT THE SAME OUT HERE

so

provided this powerstation i'm testing tomorrow works

i'll start posting the date/time/location of the next show

here on the dave update

your #1 source for news on super extrme gnarly overgrown bushy hairy hairy pussy

fuck it i'm just gonna "announce" it now

and i'll confirm tomorrow after i check out the powerstation

so this shit better work otherwise i look like a dick

ha ha

the first one will be in the patio of this building on embarcadero

the wharton school of the university of pennslvania

the closest actual cross-street is folsom and spear

it's right around where the bay bridge goes over the embarcadero

i think it's a good spot, it's kinda skated up so maybe no one around cares

i'm gonna go with 8:38 PM start time

this sunday

if you need better directions

OR

if you can give me and my gear a ride

(i really don't have that much)

please call me at 510 575 HISS

we'll figure something out

also if you WANT a ride you can come over beforehand and help me load up

call/text me though

i'm gonna get city car share unless someone comes through with a ride

and i'll have probably room for one/two more

what else what else

i'm gonna go smoke a cigarette but i'll be back to talk shortly

i don't want to just rant about the generator stuff because i had a rad night yesterday

so hang tight i guess?

NO ONE IS READING THIS HA HA HA

"hang tight"

what a nerd

ha ha ha ha ha ha hah a

ok

back

anyways

last night was fun

i got off work and felt all shitty

but then i got home and relaxed for awhile

watched a documentary on bill hicks

which was great

stefan came by later and we listened to records and went to the knockout

i don't know, it was just nice, i love nights that aren't like EPIC HOLY SHIT WHAT A PARTY nights

last night was a cool "good to get outta the house" night

i don't know i don't have much to talk about here

that isn't generator related

oh apparently i'm going to be an uncle

but i'm not really ready to talk about that ha ha ha

this is enough, right?

it better be

this has been the dave update

me: i'm gonna do generator shows again

weekly

i gotta get a generator but i think i have to do this

even if it's just for myself i need to do it

8:51 PM this is a good idea

*lastdoor [at] gmail: * oh that's a good idea

oops

lastdoor [at] gmail: oh that's a good idea

there it is

me: thanks daniel

lastdoor [at] gmail: make love to me

8:52 PM me: i knew it!

i always knew you were only interested in me for sex

this gchat proves it

as i will post in tomorrow's dave update

oh fuck it

tonights

oops

tonight's

right?

ok

bye daniel

lastdoor [at] gmail: bye

8:53 PM lastdoor [at] gmail: hey dude don't actually post my address

post it as lastdoor [at] gmail because otherwise i'll get spam

me: oh yeah good call

will do

lastdoor [at] gmailthanks

8:54 PM lastdoor [at]gmail: l8r

me: hahahahahahaha

who the fuck types l8r

l8r d00d

nerd

bye

hi there fellow davers

i am very hungover

hey

help me remember to pick up my friend's banjo later

no joke

ugg

there's a lot of shit i could talk about but i ain't gonna

right now i'm going to tell you how hungover i am

i am very hungover

i feel like vomiting but don't think i will

sigh

sigh sigh sigh

i don't drink as often as i used to so this is much worse than it used to be

when i was living in oakland the first time i used to go out a bunch

back then my hangover cure was a CAN of coke

always a can

for some reason fountain drink/bottle didn't work

dunno why not

now it's coffee

has to be warm

to keep my cold cold heart from stopping

life is weird y'all

y'all are weird too

what's yr deal y'all?

huh

i'm gonna listen to grandmaster flash

do something about it y'all

i fuckin dare you

hm

this is a weird version

it's all tremolo-y

it claims to be the original

HERE WE GO

whoa, sneaky bongos

VISION DREAMS OF PASSION

AND ALL THE WHILE I THINK OF YOU

A VERY STRANGE REACTION

THE MORE I SEE THE MORE I DO

BABY

god the way he says baby is fuckin killllller

BABY

GET HIGHER BABY

GET HIGHER BABY

GET HIGHER BABY

AND DON'T EVER COME DOWN

this is turning into my favorite dave update

and now i'm having fun BABY

i need some one on one BABY

BABY

BABY

blowwwwwww awayyyyyyyyyyyyy

WHOA wind chimes on crystals

if you get hooked baby

it's nobody else's fault SO DON'T DO IT

i heard that since grandmaster flash knew this was gonna be a big hit they added some stuff so it would sound more anti-drug

like SO DON'T DO IT, comes in totally off-rhythm

i mean there's still a bunch of snorting sounds in the background

FREEEEEEEEEEZE

ROCK

this fucking song rules

and y'all know it

BABY

ok

this has been the dave update BABY

hi there

soooooooooooo

yesterday i was very excited

for possibly the NERDIEST reasons imagineable

i mean this story starts with me buying a laptop cooling fan

should i even tell this story?

there's not even really a story

i bought a laptop cooling fan

because my laptop overheats and shuts down

and i bought a external hard drive recently

because my laptop had less than 200 megabytes free on it

a fact which it reminded me of any time i tried to work on something

anyways

now it has a lot more room on it

and i realized that this internet stuff

that we've been using to watch movies in the living room

that MIGHT actually work in MY room as well

i mean i'm pretty sure the internet is everywhere

guess what

it does

how rad

it was funny though because i looked at it for awhile

and was like, "i can have like any movie in the world right now"

"um"

"hm"

i searched for who are you polly maggoo and the trip

those were the only 2 movies i could think of

i also got lucky louie and eastbound and down

lucky louie is ok, a little disappointing

i mean i get that it's sort of mocking the sitcom but sometimes it's a little too close for comfort

plus, ugh, laugh tracks

although

hearing the audience's reaction to louis ck running across the stage naked was pretty hilarious

eastbound and down is pretty rad too but i've seen it already

oh i got kids in the hall death comes to town but i haven't watched it yet

any recommendations you know the digits

text or call

ok

also last night i remembered how amazing showers are

i mean, i didn't JUST take on

i got a little stoned

and THEN took one

which always helps me feel cleaner, i don't know why

i think i just spend more time in there

also i get a lot more appreciative of water when i'm stoned

it just feels better

i bet if you didn't know me you'd have a real hard time guessing my age

at least based off this dave update

i feel like i wanna complain about dad bustin my balls right now

just to stay true to form

ugh i have this zit on my neck

ha ha

i wasn't even trying to stay true to form with that last line

i love second adolescence

tom robbins has this great line about "never being too old to have a good childhood"

i feel like every now and again i'm living that shit baby

fuck it, i've earned one

oh man soup!

soup you guys

soup!

i forgot to eat dinner last night

mostly just because i was busy with stuff

but around midnight i remembered

i had a can of minestrone soup

just WAITING for me

and toast

well, bread

bread can become toast you know

also bread can become croutons

ooh salad

i haven't had a good salad in awhile

actually that's not totally true

i had a caprese salad just recently that was pretty tasty

i think i will probably have a sandwich for lunch though

god so much stuff at home right now

just waiting for me to watch it

exciting

perfect timing too, i think i just quit playing out as hiss & hum ha ha ha

this is my new life

in toxitown

where dreams come true

this has been the dave update

EDIT : I FORGOT TO MENTION

i checked the search keywords yesterday for the dave update

and there was a new one on there

"super, extrme, gnarly, overgrown bushy, hairy hairy pussy"

this has been the dave update, your #1 source for news on super, extrme, gnarly, overgrown bushy, hairy hairy pussy

hi there

iiiiiiiiiiii wanna be your man

i have that song stuck in my head

i was biking to work and someone yelled out for their friend

and it sounded a little like "iiiiiiiii wanna be your man"

and that's one way that that song will get in your head

another way that song can get into your head is by reading about it getting into someone else's head

so cuidado young davers

cuidado

sighhhhhhhhh

in a bad mood today

i think

just feel grumpy, i kind of wasted the day yesterday

and people i know are on their way to different things

and i'm here at work right now

my friend told me recently that she was tired of her life so she made a drastic change in it

now she's doing commercial fishing in alaska

commercial fishing doesn't sound good to me

i'm good at doing drastic changes but i just don't have any ideas

and i don't think i could stomach another move right now

iiiiiiiiiiii wanna be your man

i saw zapp live once

shit was DOPE

oh i forgot to check and see if i got a bunch more hits from my last update

i'll look now

this has been the dave update

hellllllllloooooo

this is dave

man i really need to take a shower tonite

dear loyal readers

please call or text me tonight after 6:30

to remind me to take a shower

510 575 HISS

sometimes i look at the "stats" of the dave update

over 1500 page views and counting thank you very much

mostly due to my thrilling expose of casualmeetup.com

(probably gonna get a bunch more hits now by just mentioning casualmeetup.com)

but when i was looking at stats yesterday

i saw something very odd

there's a section called "search keywords" or something like that

where if someone does a google search for "something"

and one of the results is your site

and they visit your site because of that search

apparently that stuff is tracked?

clearly i'm not 100% informed on this stuff

seriously computers and i just don't understand each other

i decided against making a corny "couples therapy" joke there

you're welcome

anyways

for awhile my search keyword has been limited to sexcbebe5940

casualmeetup.com

casualmeetup.com scam

etc etc

(this post is gonna BLOW UP, btw)

anyways, yesterday i noticed something weird on there

one of my search keywords is

"what happens when your butt hurts"

hahahahahahahaaha

so i googled it

OF COURSE

and sure enough a dave update is like the 9th result

you can't use quotes around it though

so young davers

i have another request for you all

please google what happens when your butt hurts

and click on any result for the dave update

i'd like the dave update to be the first result for a google search on what happens when your butt hurts

this has been THE DAVE UPDATE: Your #1 stop for news on what happens when your butt hurts