hi there

last night i practiced for the first time in awhile

it went pretty well considering

i'm playing a show sunday

at kimo's, ew

but it should still be fun

i also watched this horrible movie

called "i hope they serve beer in hell"

it was so dumb

like

i don't even want to talk about it

well

i do a little

the story behind it is that it was originally a book

that generated enough controversy to apparently warrant a movie

it's about the exploits of this bro-dawg

who is ANOTHER one of those "proud to be an asshole" types

just looking to party and get laid

(i put another in all caps there)

(because i went to ARIZONA STATE)

(and those fuckers are EVERYWHERE)

(EVERYWHERE)

and honestly, i don't care what you do with your life

i'm speaking to everyone here

i really don't care, whatever makes you happy i would encourage you to do it

honestly, even if that means you have to be a shitty person

all i would say is maybe double check and see that "being a shitty person" is the only thing that will make you happy

and if it is then have at it shithead, paint the town red

but with everybody in the world doing their "own thing"

i don't have time to care about or involve myself in stuff that just doesn't interest me

and the whole time i was watching this movie attempt to make an anti-hero out of this run-of-the-mill jackass

all i could think is "i don't care"

i mean i know it sounds stupid to be writing this, because if i didn't care

WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT IT DUDE

but there actually is sort of a happy ending to this

because while i was watching this movie and creating a list of reasons in my head

for why i don't give a shit about this movie

i realized that even making this list is silly

and then i went and cleaned the kitchen

and played some guitar

came up with the start of a new song, sounds cool so far

i got a beer and then thought about ice cream but decided against it

too many sweets for me lately, too much

i meant to take a shower but after i watched the daily show

i was tired enough to convince myself that i'd shower in the morning

i have lived over 29 years

and i have showered in the morning maybe 10 times in those 29 years

i don't know why i keep falling for that trick ha ha ha

been watching "what's up tiger lily" in bed lately

it's pretty funny

oh!

i got a new tv

free on craigslist

it's massive, i feel so opulent

even though it was free and probably really not that nice

is opulent even the right word there?

syntax might be awkward

syntax?

who is typing this?

i don't know what any of these words mean

anyways

it felt good to do good things rather than give a fuck about something stupid

i think more people need to do that

i mean, if your neighbor is killing children i feel like you should probably intervene

but if your neighbor is just kind of an asshole then maybe you should make a casserole

and then eat it

with people you actually like

here's a story

one time i was at my friend's apartment

which was close to ARIZONA STATE

and since it was close to ARIZONA STATE

if you were ever having people over at your place

people would come by and crash your party

which honestly was sometimes cool, sometimes you'd meet some cool new people

but it was usually annoying

it was usually just bro-dawgs trying to get fucked up and laid

but this one lone drunk dude came by one night

and WOULDN'T leave us alone

we were out on the porch/patio

sort of an enclosed porch

and he was on the other side of the wall

and kept asking to come in but he was WASTED

so he'd make fun of us for not knowing how to party

and then say "hey, can i come in, i can help y'all party"

i thought he was hilarious at first actually

because i was just laughing at him

because it was hilarious!

he was so drunk and so stupid, everything he said was the stupid possible thing to say

he was like don rickles, if all don rickles did was get drunk and say stupid things

i guess don rickles isn't really relevant to that last simile

ok

he was like condelezza rice, if all condelezza rice did was get drunk and say stupid things

and if she was a chubby white dude

i am getting NOWHERE with this simile ha ha ha

anyways

i thought he was funny to laugh at

but he was definitely getting on some nerves

so we all started asking him to leave

but he wouldn't, he kept on talking about his friends and how they like to party

which again

if someone is asking you to leave their house

pretty much the dumbest response possible is

"i have a bunch of friends and they like to party"

hahahahahahahahahahaha

i almost laughed out loud remembering him saying that

finally, like watching people try and open a pickle jar

i decided it was time for me to give it a try

and i went up to him and said "hey man, maybe you should go party with your friends"

"we're not really looking to party tonight"

and he was like "i DO have friends but i wanna party here"

and i told him "i don't know you but no one seems to want you here so i think you should go find your friends and have fun with them instead of bothering us"

and he said "NO. i don't want it that way, that's not the way it's gonna be because i don't want it that way"

SOOOOOOOO DRUNK while he said this by the way

listening to him fumbling through those words was like watching a baby try and untie a knot

so i said "listen man, i don't like the sun coming up every morning, but it happens"

"so i deal with it"

"and it's time for you to deal with the fact that we don't want you here"

"so go find your friends. i'm not asking, i'm telling"

it doesn't sound like much here but i got a lot of compliments on that sun line after the fact

he left after that

which made me feel like the dude who finally got the lid off the pickle jar

i like that memory

because in all of my manic mood swings

i feel like that was a moment where i was looking at the world

and i understood what to do

i love when you feel really knowledgeable about what is happening and what to do

and when the world and its difficulties are really nothing to stress over

and you can laugh at what you like and just dismiss what you don't

that's a mood i wish i was in more

but i feel myself getting back there now and again

and it makes me happy

and sometimes it makes me want to clean my kitchen

i just wish it made me want to take a shower

cuz damn i stink today

ok

this has been the dave update