hello

my butt hurts

yesterday i got a text from a number i don't know

"Samantha wants to locate you using Life360. Reply YES to allow&accept Terms (http://bit.ly/hJr1hQ), NO to reject or HELP for help. Msg&data rates may apply"

this is what happens when you give your phone number out on the internet i guess

i obviously didn't bother to reply to it

but i did go to the life360.com site

it's kind of creepy

it's pretty much a voluntary Big Brother

where you pay to allow someone to track you at all times

"for your safety"

i'm not really a conspriacy theorist

so i'm not going to rant and rave about "where does the data go"

or whatever

but honestly....

well....

tangent

i was thinking last night about reality/alternate reality/etc

(no i was not STONED)

(yet)

but specifically i was thinking about how ultimately we do create our own realities

i believe at least

ahhh my butt hurts

i mean there are obstacles to whatever reality we create

but

hm

i'm wondering if i even want to start talking about this

i might just go on a wild thread

this already sounds pretty stoner/hippie/whatever

BUT IT'S NOT

i mean

i've been thinking about the sort of tangible truth to this anais nin quote

(paraphrasing probably)

"we see things not as they are, but as we are"

to me this is very true

but also something i try and rebel against

because i don't know if you regular readers have noticed yet

but i'm KIND OF A BUMMER

and i'm tired of just seeing the sadness in situations

and it just got me to thinking about the world in general

and how sad it is that THIS is the world that we've made

this world right now, which is total bullshit and unfun

is something that people worked towards

we've all put a lot of effort in to make a really shitty planet

(see what i mean?)

(kind of a bummer)

i'm not talking about some shit like

"how can we pave over trees to make a building"

i like buildings, i'm into 'em

just shit like money and insurance

higher finance i guess

i don't know, i don't think i really want to rant on this any more

the above probably makes little sense

hm

do you believe in any sort of an afterlife?

that's something i've been thinking about lately

i never did

still kind of don't

but i have trouble reconciling the idea that in a chaotic world

guided by nothing

with no absolute truth

no "intelligent design" that implies a designer

how is the concept of feeling beyond death off the table?

i mean maybe it's completely random

maybe some people get an afterlife

maybe some don't

when i was a lot younger i tried to kill myself

three times actually

it was weird because each time completely failed ha ha

like, there was no hospital visit or anything

my family never really knew

in fact probably very few people knew until now

now that my blog is HOT SHIT

now a million people know, now the INTERNET knows

ha ha who cares

but i did it each time really comforted by the possibility of an absolute end

like

"all i have to do is this"

"and then it's all over"

"and i'm done"

not like asleep

no eyes to close

no body to rest

gone gone gone

but i think about it now and it's actually more frightening

not because of any sort of heaven/hell issue

but a more genuine fear of

what the fuck is actually next?????

that troubles me now

would that be called existential malaise?

existential angst maybe

hm

i feel like i should end this dave update on a happy note

life is meaningless and life doesn't matter

but that really just means in life

we can really just do whatever the fuck we want

so i'm having another dave update contest

BECAUSE I FUCKING WANT TO

no one has to enter

in fact maybe i'll enter it

and maybe i'll win

SO FUCK YOU

anyways

today's contest is to do something that you wouldn't normally do

that's kind of corny but whatever

to win the contest

send me an e-mail about it after the fact

ihateyourartschool

gmail

or invite me to it beforehand

510 575 HISS

um

winners get...

whatever the fuck they want

just tell me what you want when you enter

and i will probably give it to you

so long as it's a good story

i don't want to see people saying

"i bought sprite instead of mountain dew"

"give me your guitar"

ha ha

i'll call them like i see 'em

happy daving

this has been the dave update