hi there

last night i had a weird dream

where my parents and i lived in this really really fancy expensive house 

that we were able to afford 

because my mom was harvesting opium in the backyard 

but she'd found some weird strain of it

so it just looked like wheat and sunflowers

the feds came in though

and tried to bust us 

but i wound up taking the "rap" for it 

because i left my pipe on my giant down comforter

(btw, the bed in that room was so nice)

(i seriously wouldn't have even been able to actually leave it)

(it was like one of those where the box-frame is partly in the floor)

(and it was like, enormous)

(fuck i wish that was my real bed)

they took me in

(which is kind of extreme for a used pipe with like no actual weed in it)

and i got really bummed on the ride to the station

i remember thinking 

"that room got so much natural light"

"this is a real tragedy"

and the dream stopped before i made it to jail

been remembering my dreams a lot more lately

seems like a good sign

this has been the dave update

hey there

i thought of some other "cool" stuff

robbing a liquor store is pretty cool

i mean, depending

if you were just like "hey i'm bored"

"let's go rob a liquor store"

i'd say

"whoa dude"

"you are too cool for me"

probably followed by laughter

that kind of sounds like crying

shoplifting is REALLY COOL

especially if you are leaving the house

to go shoplift

and like, that's your plan for the day

WAY COOL

is shoplifting cooler with friends or alone?

that's my dave poll for today

i gotta say

normally i think everything's cooler with friends

but waking up on a sunday

and thinking to yrself

"what should i do today?"

"i need new clothes"

"i should go shoplifting"

and then making coffee and breakfast

and then going out and stealing a handful of rad clothes

DAMN that's cool

i wanna date that girl

who doesn't??

she would totally steal stuff for you too i bet

i dated three different girls that worked at this one vintage clothing store

(not at the same time)

(at least i don't think?)

they all stole clothes from work for me

which was the best thing ever

even though i'm sure it was done as more of a

"you are a horrible dresser and it embarrasses me"

thing

than a

"hey i'm stealing stuff for you just cuz i was thinkin bout cha"

thing

still

it was great

girls

if you wanna show yr man

(or woman or somewhere in between)

how much you really care

go shoplift some clothes for them

and when you give them to your Whatever

(capital W)

tell them

"hey i snagged these for you just cuz i was thinkin bout cha"

if that person doesn't immediately take you in their arms

in a passionate embrace

(or whatever the arm-less equivalent is if you're dating someone with no arms)

then once again

that number is 510 575 HISS

DTMFA

find someone who appreciates a simple gesture

this has been the dave update

FINALLY these are getting better again!

i like this one

hello

when i was 13 or 14 or so

my best friend's best friend

(not me)

ran away with the girl my best friend had a thing for

they stole a car from someone's parents and drove to california

i remember we talked to them on speaker phone once

they were at a hotel in anaheim

josh was kind of distant during the conversation

because i knew he wished he was on this trip with val

but i was so fascinated by it all

i asked a bunch of questions

which was really out of character for me at the time

i was really really shy, even with friends

i could go on a rant about why but it's not important

we all have our shit

but i was especially awkward around people i thought were "cool"

and stealing a car so you can go to california with some cute girl you don't know that well is pretty fucking cool

like

on the list of cool things to do?

that one is pretty high up there

i'm trying to think of generic cool things to do that are in the same league

and i'm drawing a blank

which i guess proves i'm not very cool

whatever

didn't need that to be proven to me

thanks, world

asshole

anyways

i asked a lot of questions

many of which were kind of stupid

like "what are you gonna do if you get pulled over?"

neither of them were 16

i don't even know how they got a hotel room come to think of it

that was one question i didn't ask

but it had a pool they said

but they weren't gonna swim in it, just sunbathe by it

for me it was such a mindblowing event

so much of my life at that time existed solely in fiction

stories on tv and stories in songs

with these emotions that i thought were just invented

things i couldn't really allow myself to feel or believe existed

i mean at this time i'd not even been in a relationship with a girl

that would come the next year

i'd start dating this girl jane

but "dating" was in title alone

i mean i think our family business was just starting around this time

so i was already working too much to really be in a relationship

i'd have some shitty sports practice after school

and then i would go home and either do homework or receive shipments

or just watch tv or play video games since we lived a million miles away from anyone

or sit in my room and listen to music with all the lights off

gah

what the fuck

i'm at work right now and i'm not even trying to look like i'm working

i don't know where any of this comes from

therapy has been hard lately and i feel very alone

this story is over

this has been the dave update

hello there

it's me

i just wanted to tell you that

once again

i visited the record store that only exists in my dreams last night

this time i got there just as they were receiving some new releases

i'm not like tight bros with the employees

but they know i come in now and again so when i saw them going through a little box of records

they were like, hey wanna check these out too?

OF COURSE!

we flipped through them and it was mostly stuff i didn't know

but each record had like a plastic sleeve, like a really think one

like the ones they use for simply vinyl re-issues or i think the Pan label uses them?

sometimes important records too

both pan and important use them and will screen print onto the sleeve

and all of these had like, band name and album title screened onto the plastic sleeve

we flipped through a couple of them i didn't know

and then came upon a waste rig record

i was like "whoa, uh i think i'm in that band"

they gave it to me to check out and i told them

"yeah, i think i'm still in this band but this is a repress of a cassette they put out before i was in it"

(which actually does exist, i can't remember what it's called now but alex and adam recorded it while touring i think)

and then i started laughing about it since it's pretty funny that i don't know whether or not i'm still in a band

i don't even really know if it still exists any more honestly

whatever

i do remember feeling like i earned points with the people who work at the record store that only exists in my dreams though

if you're at all curious about how my life is going lately

here's how it's going:

i'm excited because i think the people who work at the record store that only exists in my dreams have a little bit more respect for me as a person after they found out that i used to be in and possibly still am a member of a band that (only in my dreams) put out a record that has pretty cool packaging (even though i didn't actually do anything on that record)

this is like the best thing to happen to me in months

this has been the dave update

hello

it's dave

i'm a little anxious today

yesterday i quit smoking

kind of on a whim

so i think "a little anxious" is appropriate

normally i'm pretty confident about quitting things

but for whatever reason i'm a little concerned about this time

oh well

i guess we'll see

anyhoo

probably shouldn't talk about it

keep my mind on other things

i've been breaking out like crazy lately

it's gross

i feel like my body is going through *changes*

and i don't know what they are so they *scare* me

seriously

there are 5 new and fairly large blemishes on my face right now

ughhhhhhh

ok

fuck this

i just wanted to tell someone i quit smoking

so uh

don't give me a cigarette

if i ask for one

just say "naw dude"

"you said you quit"

thanks

this has been the dave update

hi there

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LxLmkh9iwA

could have sworn it was kevin at the end

this has been the dave update

hello

good morning

today feels like it's gonna be a hard one

lately i've been trying to focus on "wanting" less

but yesterday at therapy my therapist told me

hm

i guess the start of that sentence is kind of redundant

but yesterday my therapist told me a story

about russian orphanages

where some of the children weren't given any positive attention

they were fed and clothed and everything like that

but they were just left alone otherwise, not coddled or whatever

no positive physical contact i guess

guess what?

THEY DIED

that's not really something conclusive

doesn't really prove that you need positive physical contact to survive

at least in my opinion

but we kind of got into a big argument

nay

discussion

ha ha

nay

nay

nay

i'm officially a nay-sayer

NERD JOKE

we got into a discussion about whether or not human contact is a genuine need

i told her that

lately

i've been feeling like it is for me

even though i don't think it actually is

this is getting confusing

i mean to say that i've been frustrated with myself lately

because i don't believe that human contact is a real "Need"

(note the capital N there)

(N as in NERD)

but lately i've found myself feeling like i Need it

and it's disappointing to me

it's just the absence of it in my life that's stirring those feelings

but either way

it's disappointing because 1)

it creates a void that doesn't have to be there

like when you decide suddenly that you want a pet

and up until you get that pet

you just wish you had it

maybe you even buy like, dog toys or cat toys

or an aquarium

or a birdcage

big enough for a ferret

WHATEVER

suddenly this thing you'd never wanted or even thought about

is like the primary focus of your life

and YOU WILL NOT BE WHOLE

until you get this pet

that you'll forget to feed one day

and it'll chew through an electrical wire

thinking maybe it's edible

and then BZZT

that thing you NEEDED SO BAD is dead and it's ALL YOUR FAULT

way to go DICKHEAD

...

sorry

tangent

the point is

i feel like desire is ultimately only an obstacle

and it should be overlooked as much as possible

i remember a year or two ago

like, right when i started to have my most recent breakdown

i would walk through the city and get drunk

with like a $3 thing of ancient age and a tall boy of tecate

just walking around neighborhoods

and i'd go on drunken rants

but like, intentional drunken rants

did y'all ever see that one kids in the hall sketch?

where scott, dave, and kevin are drinking wine and waxing poetic about the moon?

(maybe bruce instead of dave actually, can't remember)

(definitely bruce)

(i think)

(ps)

(we're on a first name basis)

(me and the kids)

it's really over-wrought poetry and the joke is kind of how bad it is

and then kevin comes up and can't really come up with anything

it's not that funny

but i bring it up because i'd go on rants like those

and one good starting point for them was

"desire is a lone wolf"

or

"desire is a pack of wolves"

(wolves are very poetic animals)

(duh)

one thing i remember from that rant

is that wolves won't attack humans unless they feel threatened

then they'll RIP YOU APART

just like DESIRE

FUCKING DEEP RIGHT?????

anyways

having this exaggerated "need" for human contact

is also annoying because 2)

i really just can't come up with a way to satiate it

i mean i'm not meeting new people

and the relationships i already have are becoming strained

because i'm a pretty annoying person to be around right now

(if um)

(you couldn't tell)

(who the fuck is even still reading this right now?)

(if you are)

(please text "moon wolf")

(to 510 575 HISS)

(with your paypal address)

(and i'll send you a dollar)

(or if you don't have paypal then a mailing address)

(whatever)

(i'll have your number, we'll figure it out)

(offer void in nebraska)

so wanting human contact right now

is like wanting to fly

except i don't think anyone would be going through existential crises

because they can't fly

i mean if they are they've got some other problems anyways

LONG STORY SHORT

finally

we had this long conversation

where my therapist urged me to keep wanting things

and to also believe that attaining them was possible

and then last night i woke up at 4 in the morning

i'm not going to get into what i was thinking about

but needless to say i was wanting something that i can't have

i had a very painful panic attack

and then i looked at the mobile i made from tin foil and laser disc pieces

and tried to fall back asleep

and any time i'd start to panic again i'd just slap myself in the face

today feels like it's gonna be a hard one

this has been an intentionally long and possibly unreadable dave update

hi there

i don't have anything to talk about today

i just wanted to say that if the weather is good saturday

i'm gonna be in the park trying to sell some records

probably a bunch of junk, haven't really picked any out yet

but if

this saturday

you find yourself thinking

"hey i have nothing to do and it's nice out"

i hope that you then think

"i should go say hi to dave in the park and maybe give him a couple bucks for some crappy record i probably won't listen to"

hope to see you there

this has been the dave update

hi there

today i feel like melting

into a big puddle of stupid

that's slick enough for people to slide on but not slip over

the best i can hope for today

is that people will at least enjoy the rush they get

from grinding my melted stupid corpse

further into the pavement//floorboards//whatever-the-fuck

today is not really very good

and it's also all we have

young davers

*this moment is all we have*

this is been another dave down-date

hello there

today is monday

i am annoyed with everything

not EVERYthing but most things

hmmmm

it's been a couple months since i've had anything to say

and it looks like it'll be a couple months more still

cuz i'm still not having anything come to mind

i need to get "out there" more

"experience life"

"live free"

etc etc

blah blah blah

right now my version of "living free"

is riding a bus-line i haven't been on before

and then going back home

this city of ours is not really as exciting as people describe it

i thought that living in the city would mean never getting bored

but it seems like living in the city means finding everything boring

like this rant, for example

i don't even really care to finish it

i'm bored

the other night my lip just started bleeding and wouldn't stop

that was the most dave-update worthy event in the past couple months

i'm still not sure what caused it

but in my opinion it's probably a symptom

of some rare and fatal disease

that's totally curable but you have to go to the doctor for it

i don't think i'm gonna go though

anthem just raised our rates so NO THANK YOU

besides

RTD

666

FTW

saturday i got in a conversation with one of my favorite people

you know how conversations sometimes take turns?

that's maybe not so clear

but you'll be talking with a friend

and after one of you realize that you've been talking about yourself for a long time

you'll switch and start asking about your friend?

that's what i mean, taking turns

well when it was my turn i just felt like i had nothing to say

it actually kind of left me in a bad mood

even though it was great to hear from her

i just didn't want to talk i guess

i mean i feel like a drain on everyone

when i start talking i mean

like right now

here i am going

BLAH BLAH BLAH LIFE SUCKS ETC ETC

but how are you?

what's going on in your life?

I'LL NEVER KNOW

because i only asked hypothetically

and because none of you shits ever respond to anything anyways

here's another dave contest

give me a call

and i'll punch you in the fucking face

REALLY HARD

for some reason i feel like this one might actually be successful

ha ha

JUST KIDDING

not about the punch in the face

CUZ I'LL DO THAT SHIT

about it being successful

ok

fuck this

love you

(not really)

this has been the dave update

hi there

been a minute i suppose

good lord

today is really a MON-DAY

i hate it

i hate everything

except for coffee

actually i guess i love everything that ISN'T right here

anything in this building i think i hate right now

everything outside of it i'm in love with

that shitty bar the tempest

LOVE IT RIGHT NOW

i'm even writing a dave update because it isn't work

today just sucks

ugh

this dave update sucks too

i should probably delete it but fuck it

this has been a shitty shitty dave update